u/_Hamburger_Helper_

I've been a long time on and off fan of Dr. K, never posted here before but I figure I'm out of luck.

People can see that I suffer greatly but then they recommend therapy (usually insinuating I haven't tried before).

I've been to multiple therapists and most recently emailed a therapy office that would take literal weeks to reply to me. They claimed they didn't even realize they were doing it.

Not one of the therapists I've gone to has been able to help me deal with my compound trauma. If I were to go through everything I've lived through, even in my short life, you probably wouldn't believe me. They would often invalidate my experiences, focus only on my mood for that day, and not ever ask questions or engage with my past.

Just feel like there isn't a space for people like me. I scream, no one listens. I stay silent, I go insane. I can't even fucking PAY someone to listen to me.

Can anyone share some advice on what to do

"Cliche", what the fuck ever. I'm too fucked up to keep going.

I cook, clean, drive, smell good, look good, I'm funny, I'm intelligent, I ACTIVELY advocate for people and do the right fucking thing, I'm good with kids and animals, I am god damn creative and talented and way ahead of people my age, and yet I cannot for the life of me meet anyone. I can't. I'm surrounded by the most vapid, stupid, selfish fucking people and I just can't be bothered to say a word to them. Why would I waste my time?

I know this goes against the status quo because I'm a man and I'm only supposed to think with my dick, but believe it or not I need love, support and reciprocity. I need actual human connection.

I've been suicidal on and off for as long as I can remember because I've been constantly fucking rejected and unloved and finding a purpose to keep going is almost impossible.

I've been losing my mind since I was a small child because I've been surrounded in this fucking ZOO enclosure we call the US where people are all about themselves and not at all about you. It's sickening. I want it to change but I feel powerless. No one listens, no one cares, everyone has their fucking head in the sand.

It's hard to imagine living out the rest of this life completely alone. I don't think I can do it to be honest.