How do you leave when your partner is also your best friend?
I’m 29F and on the verge of leaving my relationship. We’ve been together for four years, and it’s been a long time since I’ve truly been single. Most of my adult life has been spent moving from one relationship to another, and when my last relationship ended, I started talking to my current partner pretty quickly.
I don’t really have close friends — my sister is my best friend, and over the years my partner became my best friend too. We spend most of our time together, and he’s the only person I really play PC games with, which is one of my favorite hobbies. I think part of what scares me most is the idea of being alone again and having to rebuild my life and routine from scratch.
I’ve invested so much time into this relationship. I know 30 is still young, but starting over still feels overwhelming. The hardest part is that I haven’t really felt valued or respected in any of my adult relationships, and I’m scared maybe I’ll never experience that kind of love.
My current partner often talks down to me or treats me with hostility, and it’s worn me down emotionally. The idea of dating again honestly feels exhausting, especially when so many people seem angry, bitter, or distrustful toward each other now.
I know I probably need therapy, and I know I need to learn how to be okay on my own for a while. I guess I’m just looking for reassurance from people who’ve been through this — that it’s still possible to find something genuine, healthy, and loving. I want to believe there are still people out there who truly value and respect their partners.
Cross-posting here because I wasn't sure the first subreddit was the right place for this.