u/_dkaramazov_

I'll try to keep this brief, but I'm feeling really upset right now at the way my family is treating me and I don't know what to do about it. I really would like some advice from people. I just finished the first year of my Master's degree, and I got straight A's after busting my ass for two semesters, and I'm really proud of the work I accomplished. I love academia and I want to go on to get a PhD after I finish my Master's. It's been a week since the end of the spring semester, and since then I've applied to over a dozen jobs in order to make money over the summer, have followed up with them, and will keep the cycle going until I get something to do until the fall semester starts, when I'll be back in school and working as a TA.

The only problem is that my entire family thinks I'm a loser. They constantly berate me for "not having a real job" and wasting my time and money on pursuing a post-graduate degree. This afternoon my father yelled at me until I cried, telling me that I just "sit on my ass all day and do nothing," while the rest of the family is successful and working hard. He told me that he, my mother, and my brother all think I'm a loser, are "sick of dealing with me," and wish they weren't stuck with me in the same house. No mention of the fact that for the past year I put myself through a competitive and intellectually rigorous graduate programme, or the fact that I've been trying to secure a job since the semester ended -- although he did feel the need to add that even if I did get a job, I'd probably get fired for being "lazy, ugly, and stupid."

It's not a question of me needing to provide financially for my family -- they are comfortably well off. And to make up for not bringing in much income, I cook, clean, and basically do whatever else they ask of me. Maybe my family is right, and I am a loser that doesn't do enough. But I don't know what else I could possibly do to make them think otherwise. I don't think they've ever liked me that much, and our relationship in my teenage years was rocky at best, mostly due to fights we had after I came out as transgender. But I thought they would at least be proud that I've started to carve out a path for my life, and am working hard to make it happen. Instead, they think I'm a loser. What on earth can I do?

I just finished my first year in a History MA programme at a fairly prestigious university with all As after studying my ass off, reading at least three books a week, and writing multiple papers that I'm really quite proud of. A year of rigorous study has only confirmed for me that academia is the right path for me, and I plan to apply for PhD programmes in the fall. I love being in academia (problems with it aside) and can't imagine myself doing anything else with my life.

The only problem is that my family does not understand my situation at all. They basically treat me like I'm a deadbeat and act like I just sit around all day doing nothing, and it really hurts. I'll spend an entire day, from nine in the morning to nine at night, reading, writing, and studying, and they'll still have the nerve to ask me why I "sat on my ass all day when I could have been working." They just don't get it, at all -- even though I am working, not just on my schoolwork, but also as a TA, and getting paid pretty decent money for it, too.

Does anybody else have this problem with their family? How do you deal with it? It's just a soul-crushing situation, where I feel so passionate about my work and my parents look down on it as if it were the biggest waste of time in the world. I know History is not a lucrative career path by any means, but they aren't even proud of me at all for the work I'm doing. How should I go about this?