relationship advice
I’m 18, and I’ve been talking to a guy I believed was 17. We aren’t in a relationship, but there has been mutual flirting. I genuinely thought he was 17, and I thought I had finally found someone I could give affection to and who wanted mine in return. They seemed especially affected by the flirting, almost like they hadn’t experienced that kind of attention before, and over time they became emotionally attached.
Recently, during a serious mental breakdown, they told me they’re actually 16. Finding that out made me feel disgusted with myself . I now feel extremely uncomfortable and guilty about having flirted with them. They’re also depressed and seem very emotionally vulnerable, which makes me feel even worse, because I’m worried that I was taking advantage of someone who was already struggling, even though I genuinely believed they were 17.
I can’t bring myself to flirt back anymore. They still try to flirt with me, but now it feels like watching someone vulnerable stumble toward me while knowing I shouldn’t catch them in a romantic way.
I feel terrible because I worry that I led them on and that backing away will make them feel like being honest about their feelings only gets them hurt. At the same time, I know continuing to flirt just because I feel guilty would probably be worse and would lead them on even more.
I don’t know what the cleanest way to handle this is. I care about them and don’t want to hurt them, but I also don’t want to continue a romantic/flirtatious dynamic now that I know they’re 16. I’m also struggling with a lot of guilt over the fact that I participated in the flirting in the first place