u/_starbunny

TW: dying, mention of death.

I hate how people are becoming more transphobic or shit on trans people because mate I trust you if I had a choice I would NOT be a guy, like no I did not want to cry myself to sleep almost every night as a child bout being a girl or beg to a god I dont believe in to transform me into a guy as I sleep and wipe the memories of me being a girl and replace them of me being a boy in everyones memories before going to sleep and waking up with desperate hope only to be disappointed, I did not chose nor want to feel like an intruder in my own skin and not recognize the face as my own when staring at it in the mirror cause it belongs to a girl who is long dead.

I do not want nor chose to stare at guys and hear their stories of childhood or normal memories and feel pure unfiltered hatred that they got something I never did by being a boy, I do not chose to hold hostility towards my kid cousins just cause they were born boys and I wasnt. I do not wish to have the urge to scream in my mothers face and cry in her arms begging her why she couldn’t of had a son so I couldve been born a boy, I do not chose to desperately wish to be intersex so I can be closer to being male than female.

I dont chose any of this shit, I dont want to feel anything I do but I do and I cant fucking control that. I dont chose to desperately beg that when I die that if recarnation is possible I am reborn as a boy so I can finally be the real me, I dont want to think bout dying all the fucking time because people hate that I exist and are more than happy to kill me for being trans. The fact they think being trans is a choice is genuinely infuriating.

Im curious cause for me I slowly started realizing my attraction to people was nothing but infatuation, I never actually felt any love it was always infatuation or platonic love and sometimes an obsession to be exactly like the person. Same goes for sexual attraction, I thought I was into someone but it was just me seeing myself in them and wanting to be them. Copying everything they do and how they look down to their mannerisms and thinking it meant I was in love or sexually attracted to them when it wasnt. I never actually felt either the way people described how it was supposed to feel but just thought it meant I loved them more or found them more appealing when in reality it was the complete opposite.