u/aalorni

No party or celebration, by choice. But I did go to Starbucks this morning and order a Spinach Feta Wrap. The same thing I’ve ordered at Starbucks since the first time I celebrated at Starbucks with my first “real” job (a job where I could afford Starbucks because I wasn’t working for Starbucks-level wages) back in 2004. It isn’t even good 😩. But it is warm & largely consistent. In fact, it has been perhaps the first stable love of my life before I met my husband.

22 years (fewer than most, more than some)

Hundreds (thousands?) of Spinach Feta Wraps from multiple continents and many states later.

I got in my car this morning & as I sat there I checked my account to just see if maybe my last paycheck was there already, a day early. And there it was. So binary, just sitting there like it didn’t represent to me a lifetime of the most crazy, unusual & wouldn’t change a thing career I couldn’t have dreamt up in a lifetime of lifetimes. And the feeling that washed over me is truly indescribable. A wave & blanket of emotion, being both crushed and lifted up. So many, many years of anxiety releasing in a torrent of weeps, deep yet shallow breaths.

I’m not naive to think I won’t find something else to ramp up my anxiety again in the near future. My brain is already turning my Starbucks caffeine into a web of complexity as I sit here writing this. I feel it’s tendrils wrapping around my brain already screaming “What’s next!?”. But for that small brief 20 minutes as I sat in my car, unprepared for the impact it would have on me, I felt what I can only describe as “it.” That which I have been waiting so long for. Like being hunted by a rabid dog or bear for so very long and pausing ever so briefly to look behind you only to realize it is already gone.

FIRE feels so different to so many people, and to many it feels like nothing at all. I was pretty sure I was going to be in the last bit. I am really happy it turned out not to be true. This was a catharsis I really, really needed.

Some things, though, never change; for example, I swear that wrap still doesn’t have feta in it, hand to god.

so…

what should I do next?

No party or celebration, by choice. But I did go to Starbucks this morning and order a Spinach Feta Wrap. The same thing I’ve ordered at Starbucks since the first time I celebrated at Starbucks with my first “real” job (a job where I could afford Starbucks because I wasn’t working for Starbucks-level wages) back in 2004. It isn’t even good 😩. But it is warm & largely consistent. In fact, it has been perhaps the first stable love of my life before I met my husband.

22 years (fewer than most, more than some)

Hundreds (thousands?) of Spinach Feta Wraps from multiple continents and many states later.

I got in my car this morning & as I sat there I checked my account to just see if maybe my last paycheck was there already, a day early. And there it was. So binary, just sitting there like it didn’t represent to me a lifetime of the most crazy, unusual & wouldn’t change a thing career I couldn’t have dreamt up in a lifetime of lifetimes. And the feeling that washed over me is truly indescribable. A wave & blanket of emotion, being both crushed and lifted up. So many, many years of anxiety releasing in a torrent of weeps, deep yet shallow breaths.

I’m not naive to think I won’t find something else to ramp up my anxiety again in the near future. My brain is already turning my Starbucks caffeine into a web of complexity as I sit here writing this. I feel it’s tendrils wrapping around my brain already screaming “What’s next!?”. But for that small brief 20 minutes as I sat in my car, unprepared for the impact it would have on me, I felt what I can only describe as “it.” That which I have been waiting so long for. Like being hunted by a rabid dog or bear for so very long and pausing ever so briefly to look behind you only to realize it is already gone.

FIRE feels so different to so many people, and to many it feels like nothing at all. I was pretty sure I was going to be in the last bit. I am really happy it turned out not to be true. This was a catharsis I really, really needed.

Some things, though, never change; for example, I swear that wrap still doesn’t have feta in it, hand to god.

…now,

What’s next?

EDIT: this community is absolutely the best. I have been cracking up all day! Thank you guys!

Part time (can be done on the side of your other job). 10 hours per week, maybe 20 later. BA/BS at a minimum. Must have a car & license (may be needed down the road). Any experience in publishing or marketing is a plus. $50/hour.

I recently started taking Caprylic Acid because I had to take Doxycycline for 7 days. I’ve had seb derm for so long I gave up fixing it. But I’ve been taking these pills 2x a day for three weeks and my seb derm is finally under control. Could be causation instead of correlation, sure, but for now I’m pretty awestruck. I see a lot of threads about MCT oil on the skin but wanted to give feedback on taking it orally, essentially on accident 🙂.

Clarification on the timeline: I took the CA for one week during the doxy and for three weeks after the end of the doxy.