u/abcde_12345_qwerty

Hi everyone, I don’t want any advice on breaking up or anything i just want to know if i’m in the wrong here because i know sometimes im a little ignorant and my gf gets mad about it. I recently just got to my college campus and with classes starting up and everyone being at the welcome festivities and stuff people have come up to me. One girl asked for my instagram and i declined saying i had a gf (who was literally sitting on the phone at the time). i thought i could just move past it and keep having a nice conversation with my girl but she got mad at me for laughing about it after the fact. i don’t know why she was mad exactly, i think she might’ve thought i felt good getting approached by someone because it didn’t really happen back home and she’s usually the one to get hit on. i just found the situation funny. then another came up to me with her guy friend asking to sit down at the table i was at, i said sure and she kept trying to talk to me but i ended up telling her im doing homework and couldn’t talk at the moment (i was, and my gf also happened to be on the phone at this time as well). she got mad again and started cussing me out telling me im too friendly and she went on a rant. it didn’t really get anywhere though because she kind of just got that stuff off her chest and “dropped it”. now most recently, i was up doing laundry and ended up walking past some girls who i guess stay in my dormitory or nearby, they said hi to me and i said hi back and went inside my room. my gf got mad about it and hung up on me (for some reason these things always happen when she’s on the phone) then reposted something obviously targeted towards me. i’m really confused because i don’t see what i did wrong there, these were two random girls who said hi to me and nothing else and i said hi back. i don’t see how it was inappropriate but if anyone can explain to me how i would appreciate it. I know she’s insecure with the distance and even said she doesn’t trust me but it feels like unless im a complete bitch to anyone who approached me she won’t be satisfied.

i also want to add that i see why my gf was mad about the second situation, and i know how i was wrong there…but the other two and potential similar situations that may happen in the future? im lost and need some help.

This isn’t the first time she’s gone through my phone. she went through it one other time a while back and we almost broke up over it. on my end i didn’t like how she went though my phone while i was sleeping and on her end she didn’t like the things that were in my phone. We ended up working it out and moving on from that situation but yesterday she went through it again. But this time i guess she had better intentions. She said she wanted to go through the videos i’d saved across tiktok and instagram to get gift ideas and cute date ideas. but she got carried away and went through my instagram DMs and saw very old messages from when we were going through the tough time i mentioned earlier. At first i didn’t know she had gone through my DMs but she started acting weird and snappy when i was taking her home so before i let her go inside i asked her what was wrong and after a lot of convincing she admitted that she went through my phone and saw old messages she didn’t like but refused to elaborate. Then when i got home i kept pushing her to just tell me what she saw and she ended up admitting that she saw old messages of me talking about my ex (i have no idea what messages) and that she saw my ex in my suggested accounts on ig. She said it bothered her because she thought i blocked my ex (i did) and i told her that i blocked my ex in front of her and showed her my blocked list then i told her she probably saw a second account that i didn’t block. she said if it was a second account she wouldn’t be freaking out but that’s the only way she could possibly see my ex on my suggested. I tried to talk about it with her more but she refused to open up about what messages she saw. all i know is that whatever she saw is making her feel insecure and upset but i don’t know what she saw at all. i never cheated on her and ive never said anything inappropriate about my ex while ive been with her so i don’t know if i should just let her be mad and calm down on her own or keep trying to talk to her about this?

I’m honestly just looking for another perspective in this situation that doesn’t make me feel like an insecure possessive girlfriend. Basically my girlfriend has this friend named “Erica” (fake name). I don’t really like the fact that they’re friends but i tolerate it because i have no real reason to ask my girlfriend to not be friends with her without seeming insecure and jealous.

Some backstory as to why I don’t like their friendship:
A while back my gf and I got into a disagreement about how I always point out and compliment feminine presenting girls (I’m more masculine presenting) and how she felt it was weird. I never pointed out girls in a weird way. If we were out in public I would just point out a girl I knew or if we were watching a movie I would point out how one of the actresses were pretty (I felt comfortable doing this because she does the same thing).

ANYWAY. That conversation ended on a neutral note, we both saw where the other was coming from but i ultimately just chose to stop talking about other girls in that way all together. But soon after she’s talking to me about Erica and how she loves Erica’s style and she wants to be friends with Erica so badly. I found this kind of frustrating because if it had been the other way around she would immediately assume i had a crush on the girl. Erica is also masculine presenting, my girlfriend is more feminine.

Fast forward to now Erica and my girlfriend are pretty good friends, they talk a bit and Erica went over to my girlfriend’s house today with another friend (not named because he’s not important. This bothered me a bit because my girlfriend went from telling me nobody was going to her house today to saying Erica was going to her house to saying Erica and this random boy that is friends with Erica is at her house but I chose to stay quiet.

After everyone leaves and my gf is alone and calls me she starts telling me about the day and how she had so much fun with Erica and everyone else who was there. I didn’t pay it much mind and tried to not shut down on her because she sounded happy but eventually some of the stuff she told me just bothered me. she said Erica added her account to my gf’s gaming console because “maybe she’ll like the games she has” but my gf doesn’t play video games in the first place. then she gave her streaming service account to my gf because my gf mentioned she didn’t have it even though she DOES and she shares it with her brother. Then my gf gets to talking about how Erica “taught” her how to play gta and how “nobody taught her before” when she was at my house a week ago and i had her playing GTA on my console.

I’m trying not to be dramatic about this because i know it’s immature and i think im being extremely insecure but hours have passed since this convo with my girl and i still feel bitter. at this point im just trying to frame everything in a different light because i know i can stick to a narrative and make something worse than it already is. not to mention Erica is like 16 so im acting this way over a whole kid (technically we’re all kids/young here but still). somebody let me know if im tripping please.

Edit:
I guess my main issue is how highly my gf is talking about Erica and overall how they became friends. And the gta thing did kind of hurt my feelings because i sat here with her and was talking her through the controls and even took a video and sent it to her but she’s claiming she doesn’t remember. and now she claims Erica “taught” her all this stuff and watching Erica play helped her learn. idk man.