u/aburrrrrs

Hello all. My situationship (31 M) and I (29 F) ended things last night after 1 year and 4 months. We started in May of 2025. Our situation was set up to fail from the beginning. It initially started as we were in the same mutual friend group since high school. I truly never paid him any mind as I knew he was getting around and that’s what he was known for. During his time before me he was in 3 serious relationships that he said absolutely broke him to the point of not being able to “turn the switch on” for me as far as emotional availability goes. Before him I was in a 7 year, mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive relationship with one of his close friends. The fact that my ex was a close friend of his started us off on a rocky path. We initially agreed it was to be casual and secretive so that my ex and our friend group wouldn’t know. We had fun for several months until we both admitted that we had feelings for each other.

After this, things became more regular and we started to see each other weekly and talk almost daily. Mind you, he lives an hour away, but he lives alone, while I have roommates so I would travel to him all of the time. He had been to my house maybe a handful of times during our time together. He has always been so kind to me in very puppy dog ways with making breakfast, cuddling, sex, etc. but he wouldn’t prompt texts, hang outs, or events, we just hung out at his house for the most part. He would prompt things he enjoyed like camping or traveling to go see cars, and I’d join just to spend time with him. I was not okay with this, but I accepted it because I wanted to be with him and around him. We opened up about deep stuff together. We were emotionally vulnerable several times. Physically, it was great.

Some things happened after this point that I’d like to note: One time after sex, he had bumble pulled up within 5 minutes as we were still laying naked. He was still in communication with his ex, and helped her buy a house (he is a realtor). I saw that he had 74 notifications from hinge on his work phone. He had gone on two dates (that I know of) with women off of apps and had sex with at least one of them while we were together and agreed to be sexually exclusive. I found out about this months later when he slipped up and said it during a convo. He wouldn’t allow me to post pictures even just of his dog or his car, or tell anyone that we were together. He claimed he told his mom and his brother, not sure if this is true. He wouldn’t participate in hang outs with my friends when I’d invite him. He admitted to having a porn, sex, and weed addiction. He’d try to work through them, but would give up a lot. I encouraged him. It meant nothing to him. He had a bag of someone’s toiletries under the sink for the first several months, I begged him to throw them away.

For months it was back and forth between us. Me asking for more, him saying he was trying. In April 2026 things changed and I could feel him giving me more, and I welcomed it. It felt good. Then again, in April 2026, things changed. He received a diagnosis pertaining to partial blindness in one of his eyes and his dog got diagnosed with cancer. He pulled back drastically. I begged him to let me help and let me in. Little by little he would let me, but never fully. Instead he leaned on people like his friends and the ex he sold a house to, and another friend that was a girl. He kept me at arms length as I continued to beg him to allow me to be there for him. He allowed me when he could. I was distraught and constantly picking fights about wanting more, wanting to help him, wanting to be together, etc. he would say he wanted the same things, he couldn’t right now, but soon and that was his goal. After April it spiraled downwards with a very very slow burn. My birthday in May, all of our friends were around, he didn’t want people to know that we were seeing each other. No PDA. My friends knew, his friends suspected but to this day, it’s never been made public.

After May, we continued seeing each other and having fun. When it was good, god it was so good. And when it was bad, it was miserable. Him and I both struggled with our mental health seeking help through different avenues. He began therapy in June after a trip with his family turned into a physical fight between him, his brother, and his mom. Just about 2 weeks ago he began attending a sex and love addict group. Last night, he came over after that group and told me that he couldn’t continue to heal while being in this with me because it was not fair to me that he couldn’t open up emotionally, commit to me, or keep telling me that it might happen eventually. We were both sobbing uncontrollably, he was shaking and sobbing, I comforted him. He said I was the most selfless person he’s ever met and he’s so sorry he took advantage of it. He said someone in his group called him out for treating me this way, and stringing me along. I never saw it that way, I just saw myself being patient and kind because it was something I wanted and something I wanted to see through with him.

I felt blind sided because I had no say and no chance to speak my feelings before he just decided. He spent 3 hours with me as we just cried together in each others arms. We both said I love you for the first time. I asked him to stop sharing his location with me. He did. And then he left. And that was that. I am so hurt by the abruptness of it. I feel dumb, because I stayed through such disrespectful time with him. I would let him know I was feeling disrespected and he would try and be better for a short time but never long term. I only have a handful of friends I can talk to about this because no one truly knew about us. This hurts more than my 7 year relationship. I can’t stop crying, and I can’t stop thinking about him. He said we could talk about it next week. I don’t think I should, but I so badly want to. I am so hurt. I deserve a true love. Not this fake situationship stuff that the world has turned to. I have been alone for so long, I just want to have someone in my corner. I thought this was it. We talked about marriage and kids. Buying a house together. Owning land. All the fluffy stuff. I so badly wanted it to be really. He left me with saying this isn’t a good bye, just a see you later. Those words hurt me so much to hear leaving me with hope and anticipatory anxiety. I am so hurt.

all. My situationship (31 M) and I (29 F) ended things last night after 1 year and 4 months. We started in May of 2025. Our situation was set up to fail from the beginning. It initially started as we were in the same mutual friend group since high school. I truly never paid him any mind as I knew he was getting around and that’s what he was known for. During his time before me he was in 3 serious relationships that he said absolutely broke him to the point of not being able to “turn the switch on” for me as far as emotional availability goes. Before him I was in a 7 year, mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive relationship with one of his close friends. The fact that my ex was a close friend of his started us off on a rocky path. We initially agreed it was to be casual and secretive so that my ex and our friend group wouldn’t know. We had fun for several months until we both admitted that we had feelings for each other.

After this, things became more regular and we started to see each other weekly and talk almost daily. Mind you, he lives an hour away, but he lives alone, while I have roommates so I would travel to him all of the time. He had been to my house maybe a handful of times during our time together. He has always been so kind to me in very puppy dog ways with making breakfast, cuddling, sex, etc. but he wouldn’t prompt texts, hang outs, or events, we just hung out at his house for the most part. He would prompt things he enjoyed like camping or traveling to go see cars, and I’d join just to spend time with him. I was not okay with this, but I accepted it because I wanted to be with him and around him. We opened up about deep stuff together. We were emotionally vulnerable several times. Physically, it was great.

Some things happened after this point that I’d like to note: One time after sex, he had bumble pulled up within 5 minutes as we were still laying naked. He was still in communication with his ex, and helped her buy a house (he is a realtor). I saw that he had 74 notifications from hinge on his work phone. He had gone on two dates (that I know of) with women off of apps and had sex with at least one of them while we were together and agreed to be sexually exclusive. I found out about this months later when he slipped up and said it during a convo. He wouldn’t allow me to post pictures even just of his dog or his car, or tell anyone that we were together. He claimed he told his mom and his brother, not sure if this is true. He wouldn’t participate in hang outs with my friends when I’d invite him. He admitted to having a porn, sex, and weed addiction. He’d try to work through them, but would give up a lot. I encouraged him. It meant nothing to him. He had a bag of someone’s toiletries under the sink for the first several months, I begged him to throw them away.

For months it was back and forth between us. Me asking for more, him saying he was trying. In April 2026 things changed and I could feel him giving me more, and I welcomed it. It felt good. Then again, in April 2026, things changed. He received a diagnosis pertaining to partial blindness in one of his eyes and his dog got diagnosed with cancer. He pulled back drastically. I begged him to let me help and let me in. Little by little he would let me, but never fully. Instead he leaned on people like his friends and the ex he sold a house to, and another friend that was a girl. He kept me at arms length as I continued to beg him to allow me to be there for him. He allowed me when he could. I was distraught and constantly picking fights about wanting more, wanting to help him, wanting to be together, etc. he would say he wanted the same things, he couldn’t right now, but soon and that was his goal. After April it spiraled downwards with a very very slow burn. My birthday in May, all of our friends were around, he didn’t want people to know that we were seeing each other. No PDA. My friends knew, his friends suspected but to this day, it’s never been made public.

After May, we continued seeing each other and having fun. When it was good, god it was so good. And when it was bad, it was miserable. Him and I both struggled with our mental health seeking help through different avenues. He began therapy in June after a trip with his family turned into a physical fight between him, his brother, and his mom. Just about 2 weeks ago he began attending a sex and love addict group. Last night, he came over after that group and told me that he couldn’t continue to heal while being in this with me because it was not fair to me that he couldn’t open up emotionally, commit to me, or keep telling me that it might happen eventually. We were both sobbing uncontrollably, he was shaking and sobbing, I comforted him. He said I was the most selfless person he’s ever met and he’s so sorry he took advantage of it. He said someone in his group called him out for treating me this way, and stringing me along. I never saw it that way, I just saw myself being patient and kind because it was something I wanted and something I wanted to see through with him.

I felt blind sided because I had no say and no chance to speak my feelings before he just decided. He spent 3 hours with me as we just cried together in each others arms. We both said I love you for the first time. I asked him to stop sharing his location with me. He did. And then he left. And that was that. I am so hurt by the abruptness of it. I feel dumb, because I stayed through such disrespectful time with him. I would let him know I was feeling disrespected and he would try and be better for a short time but never long term. I only have a handful of friends I can talk to about this because no one truly knew about us. This hurts more than my 7 year relationship. I can’t stop crying, and I can’t stop thinking about him. He said we could talk about it next week. I don’t think I should, but I so badly want to. I am so hurt. I deserve a true love. Not this fake situationship stuff that the world has turned to. I have been alone for so long, I just want to have someone in my corner. I thought this was it. We talked about marriage and kids. Buying a house together. Owning land. All the fluffy stuff. I so badly wanted it to be really. He left me with saying this isn’t a good bye, just a see you later. Those words hurt me so much to hear leaving me with hope and anticipatory anxiety. I am so hurt.