u/ace_philosopher_949

Barring extreme situations like violence, serious abuse, etc..

I had a beautiful, lasting friendship with someone for 5 years. We were so close, would tell each other that we’re our ride-or-dies. Shared so many triumphs and tribulations together. Overcame so much together.

One day, we got into a spat… Over text. I hate having serious conversations over text, but she refused my requests to talk about this in person. I owned up to what I did — which was really not that bad — but I told her that it wasn’t OK for her to treat me as she does when she’s upset. Feelings can be valid, but that doesn’t justify a nasty, sarcastic tone or being unkind. So I asked her to apologize. In response, she just asked for a bit of space. I haven’t heard from her in over a year.

It hurts bad. It’s made me realize I’d never cut someone else off like this. In fact, I never have. My solution is to talk it out, strive for mutual understanding, apologize, do what needs to be done to make it work. I don’t run away like a coward. I don’t have a “screw you” mentality - I wouldn’t dream of saying “screw you” to anyone or even think it. My arms are always open. I will always accept reconciliation. To cut someone else off, because of a single bad day? You might think you’re tough, you might think you’re “self-affirming,” but you’re deluded. Maybe it’s not all your fault, maybe you’re scarred and have avoidant attachment issues. It’s going to mean you’re alone in the end, because no relationship is perfect. But the truly courageous path is that of kindness, and grace, and compassion. I feel for people who stubbornly refuse to see that.

Hello, I'm going to be moving to Chicago soon to the River North area. I've read that Old St. Pat's has a great young adult scene. I'm wondering if someone could fill me in on the mass times that YAs go to, what YA groups I should look to join (e.g., facebook groups and such), and how I can get involved. I am 34M.

Mid-level SWE hoping to find a good system for designing my 8a-5p workday, as well as tracking metrics and furthering growth.

I found great success with my fitness goals with a simple personal system that solves a lot of overhead and keeps me on track. I basically have a large google sheet where I track daily steps, calories/protein, and weight, weekly waist measurements, monthly progress photos, and such. I choose all my meals from a pre-designed "template" of meals for bfast, lunch, and dinner. I also track all my lifts for workouts. Etc etc. - I think you get it.

I basically want to build the equivalent for my work life as I push from mid-level toward senior. But I'm not sure what to put in there. Any ideas?

At a fork in the road. Mid 30s single guy.

I clear six-figures as a remote worker, living in St Louis, which gives me great WLB. The nice thing about StL (i) is it has low CoL, (ii) it's ideally located for traveling anywhere in the US, and (iii) home ownership is realistic. Honestly feel like I could "build" here. But StL is honestly kind of boring and dumpy, IMO. I don't feeling charged, I feel a bit weighed down and depressed all the time. So day-to-day enjoyment is meh, but I have a lot of flexibility and freedom to go on exciting adventures when I feel like it. I feel I am in the fortunate spot of having a nice chill job and a lot of financial freedom. I don't feel stressed out at all.

However I've toyed around w/ moving to a better tech city for my career (SF, NYC, Chicago) and for better day-to-day enjoyment. But most of these places are at least 2x the CoL of StL without the boost in salary to compensate, and RTO jobs are going to be more demanding on my WLB, and home ownership is far less realistic. But day-to-day would be more fun and I'd feel more inspired.

Any thoughts or ideas on a good path? Interested in hearing for people who may have made a similar transition.

Family situation: I am a single guy in his 30s. But I'd love to be married with kids one day, own a home.

Job and income situation: I'm currently a SWE working remotely, making $130k.

Financial situation: No debt, $25k rainy day fund, doing at least 15% to retirement (sometimes higher). Just getting started saving for a down payment.

Vision: An appealing vision for my life is to own a home and to be able to provide for a (potentially large?) family on a single income. (I say "single income" because although dual income is nice, I want to plan on single income and treat the second income as optional.)

So, beginning with the end in mind, I'm asking myself, "what kind of house can I afford?", I've gone ahead with the following parameters:

(i) the Money Guy's "25% of gross" rule

(ii) a 5% down payment

(iii) a 30-yr fixed rate mortgage

Given those params, which I think the home I could afford at $130k would be roughly $350k.

Now, my current city is STL. If $350k is the housing cap, I could afford homes in decent, well-regarded districts such as Brentwood or Webster Groves. Could build a life here, move up to even better neighborhoods as I climb the career ladder.

Now the moving question: I have the opportunity to move to Chicago. It's a really cool city. Every time I've been, I am just electrified. Everyone on this sub agrees if you just look up threads on STL vs Chicago.

However, it just does not seem possible to achieve my vision in Chicago. To match in Chicago what STL gives me for $130k, I'd need to get to a salary of $200k, which would probably require first getting a promotion, then job-hopping to a non-remote role. Which is all doable, given several years, but might be undesirable. But even then, 200k gets me entry to floor of a good market, in places like Naperville and Oak Park.

So it seems to me that despite all its glamour, Chicago just doesn't cut it for me. The vision can't happen in Chicago, it seems.

Am I wrong?