u/adhdbpdisaster

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So I had sustained an orbital blowout, which means I shattered the base of my eye socket. The initial injury occurred at home. When I came back to work I voiced my concern about being reinjured by one of my clients. I was told, verbatim, ‘Well if you can’t work with (client), I don’t know who you could work with. Any client could injure you.’ My jaw? On the floor. My wig? Snatched and burned. My belief in human decency? Ghosting all my messages.

My second Monday back that same client hit my still healing eye with a metal water bottle, that was FULL. It caused the implant holding my eye ball up to be pulled almost completely out of my eye socket, which then caused my bottom eyelid to roll inwards, which then caused my eyelashes to rub against my cornea. This caused permanent vision loss in my eye. I can still see, the clarity is just decreased.

I knew something would happen, I told them something would happen, and something did happen that has cost their company thousands of dollars through workman’s comp. I have my third surgery in August. They’re covering everything, and thank god. Their workman’s comp insurance has actually been incredibly easy to work with.

My main theory about why they wanted to keep me on this kid is because his parents really like me. This particular family don’t really express any kind of positive feedback, but have stayed behind recently to express how happy they were that I was back. Their kid also adores me and I adore them, but they do express their love a little aggressively. For example, flapping their hands in your face, pulling your hair to make you stay, and throwing themself into your lap. They also have a stim of rubbing their finger tips together, which they do right against your skin and basically end up pinching you. Honestly, I don’t care that much as I’ve endured much worse in this job. My main concern was the hand flapping in my face though. I expressed that, was ignored, ended up with vision loss.

I don’t plan on quitting, as I think it was just a poor choice of words (even if it did piss me off, everybody makes mistakes). I love this company too much. It’s literally the best ABA clinic I’ve ever worked for. They are also small, clinician owned, but have had very little experience with HR and handling these situations, so I give them a lot of grace. Everybody here is genuinely kind and understanding and all my BCBAs are incredible. They are also so picky about who they hire as RBTs and BTs in training. I feel surrounded by competent, passionate, and empathetic coworkers. Management has pulled me aside if they know I used to work with someone and can either vouch for or veto them. I know they care, especially the supervisor who said this to me. They have advocated and supported me so many times. This was just a slip up, a growing pain. They’re very new to their role, so I understand.

Anyway, I just needed to vent for a moment. I’m human. I’m allowed to do that. Hopefully my clinical director doesn’t read Reddit.

My grandmother was a seamstress that made couture wedding gowns in Milan, Italy, during the 1950s. I wish she could make my wedding gown, but she is in her nineties now and struggles with mobility. Sewing has always been part of her life. She even made (and repeatedly repaired) the blanket I still sleep with to this day. She’s made other important pieces for me and taught me how to sew. Unfortunately, I am absolute garbage at it, but I can do some basic repairs. I am grateful for her teaching.

I really want my grandmother to somehow be part of the process of making/deciding my wedding dress, but I don’t know how. Yes, having her present at fittings would be great, but she is also in her 90’s and has different taste than I do.

Regardless, it’s important to me that she be involved in anyway during my wedding, especially regarding how I look. I’m not sure why, perhaps because her compliments came with no caveats. Nothing about my weight, height, makeup, etc. I just want someone who will simply see me and say I am beautiful.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to include her in this?

Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I feel like parents talk about their disabled child more like an accessory than a human. I don’t mean comments about if/when they last were changed/went to the bathroom or eating. That is imperative information to both request and relay. What I’m talking about is parents who compare a client stimming from their AAC to like a ‘dog barking’, or using their chewy as ‘embarrassing’. To whom? You? Or the ER staff after they swallow a battery? Or rat poison from a leftover trap? Or a pill box they get into? Or those inedible packets they put in foods? The toilet bowl cleaner? Your fucking self absorbed attitude?

Your child stimming off their device is normal and by taking it away to ‘discourage misuse’ is taking your child’s voice away, all because you were annoyed. A chewy isn’t a Scarlet Letter brand. Your child needs therapy so they learn alternatives to eating inedible objects, and a chewy can give them a safe and easily cleanable alternative. Teaching and modeling deep breathing techniques doesn’t emasculate you as a father.

I think my biggest one is that sign language/AAC devices does not mean you or others have failed teaching your child to speak. Children need to COMMUNICATE, and sometimes it can’t always be verbally. I’ve seen multiple clients go from over a hundred aggressions and/or other maladaptive behaviors (especially SIBs) decrease significantly after they had a reliable form of communication. I’ve also seen clients regress when their PECs or AAC was taken away to ‘encourage speech’, but the kid has barely any vocal words and was doing so well with their previous form of communication. That kid then completely regresses and so many skills are lost. Those parents just want a ‘verbal’ child. They want a ‘normal’ child. They don’t give a darn about their child’s wellbeing.

I understand the difficulty of raising an Autistic child. I honestly forgive those who take shortcuts. I don’t understand the arrogance of assuming that we have no idea what we are doing and berating me in the parking lot.

Therapy isn’t a cure. It’s about teaching your child important skills for the future.

I feel like I’m about to get flamed. I’m sorry if I stepped on any toes.