u/aevym

I know this is a safe space, so I'm just going to vent here.

I have a raging narcissistic, emotionally immature mother, and I'm so tired of the same cycle happening over and over. Somehow, no matter what I do, I end up being told I'm a disappointment, a terrible daughter, or a terrible person.

For context, she lives close to me and was gone for a month visiting her home country. Instead of communicating like a normal adult and asking if I could stop by to water her plants or check on her apartment, she came back furious that I didn't voluntarily go over and take care of everything.

How was I supposed to read your mind?

On the surface, this sounds like such a small incident. But this has been the theme of my entire life.

Whenever she's stressed, I become her emotional trash can. Somehow, everything becomes my fault. It feels like she spends every ounce of energy looking for ways to manipulate, guilt-trip, and psychologically wear me down with yelling, anger, and endless criticism over problems that never truly started with me.

It's exhausting because it feels like I'm constantly being graded on a test I was never told I was taking.

An adult child is not supposed to function as a mind reader or an emotional caretaker. If you need help watering your plants or checking on your apartment, ask. If you miss me and want me to visit, tell me.

But don't expect me to fail an expectation that only ever existed inside your own mind.

I think I'm finally beginning to understand where my lack of self and self-worth comes from.

If you're in the same boat, I want you to know this: their unhappiness, their emotional immaturity, and their unwillingness to grow are not yours to carry.

I'm truly sorry if you're living with the same shame, guilt, performance anxiety and constantly fried nervous system. I am so sorry. I see you. You deserved to grow up feeling safe, loved, and enough - not like you had to earn your worth by managing someone else's emotions. These narc people making you believe that you only matter IF you perform for them IS BS. We matter for who we are, NOT what we do for them.

I'm learning to be kinder to myself every day. It isn't easy, but it's getting a little easier.

Sharing this helps.

Thank you for holding this space for me. 🤎

I know this is a safe space, so I'm just going to vent here.

I have a raging narcissistic, emotionally immature mother, and I'm so tired of the same cycle happening over and over. Somehow, no matter what I do, I end up being told I'm a disappointment, a terrible daughter, or a terrible person.

For context, she lives close to me and was gone for a month visiting her home country. Instead of communicating like a normal adult and asking if I could stop by to water her plants or check on her apartment, she came back furious that I didn't voluntarily go over and take care of everything.

How was I supposed to read your mind?

On the surface, this sounds like such a small incident. But this has been the theme of my entire life.

Whenever she's stressed, I become her emotional trash can. Somehow, everything becomes my fault. It feels like she spends every ounce of energy looking for ways to manipulate, guilt-trip, and psychologically wear me down with yelling, anger, and endless criticism over problems that never truly started with me.

It's exhausting because it feels like I'm constantly being graded on a test I was never told I was taking.

An adult child is not supposed to function as a mind reader or an emotional caretaker. If you need help watering your plants or checking on your apartment, ask. If you miss me and want me to visit, tell me.

But don't expect me to fail an expectation that only ever existed inside your own mind.

I think I'm finally beginning to understand where my lack of self and self-worth comes from.

If you're in the same boat, I want you to know this: their unhappiness, their emotional immaturity, and their unwillingness to grow are not yours to carry.

I'm truly sorry if you're living with the same shame, guilt, performance anxiety and constantly fried nervous system. I am so sorry. I see you. You deserved to grow up feeling safe, loved, and enough - not like you had to earn your worth by managing someone else's emotions. These narc people making you believe that you only matter IF you perform for them IS BS. We matter for who we are, NOT what we do for them.

I'm learning to be kinder to myself every day. It isn't easy, but it's getting a little easier.

Sharing this helps.

Thank you for holding this space for me. 🤎