(Vent/update) things CAN get better
Officially a week after I completed treatment now, those first days were rough, like genuinely rough, to be completely honest I thought I saw no end to it, I thought my life was genuinely over and it didn’t help that on like the 5th day my mom lashed out on me, I had terrible thoughts and a terrible mentality, but I managed to push through, days ago I was eating nothing, no water, I took a couple of sips of chicken soup and my brain started to panic, now, I’m not doing ultra great by any means, but I’m actually eating for once
What helped me personally was realizing what the problem was, I was on voquenza during treatment which was pretty strong, it messed up my body and caused an acid rebound, I didn’t know about this, my doctor didn’t say shit, no clue this could happen, so I got extremely worried I was maybe still sick or that I could throw up at any moment (which is what I feared the most) but after finding out about the rebound and how it works, a lot of my anxiety went away, I’m not really scared of eating food anymore like before, yes I still occasionally get those moments of anxiety where I feel kinda faint and my body feels warm, but they pass, I just try to calm myself down, I feel good enough to play video games now so I’ve been doing that today
For the acid reflux, I got rabeprazole in the morning and 20 mg of Pepcid in the evening, they’re not doing a whole lot, but they’re probably doing something idk as long as they’re not hurting me they’re cool, also constantly having something to eat is great, chicken soup is great cuz it goes down fine and I can eat it casually, plus that’s some water going into my system too, besides that, it’s all about perseverance, don’t give up even when you wake up in the morning crying cuz you feel terrible, get the ball rolling, try to eat something so the acid in your stomach can start being absorbed and you can feel a lil bit better, as someone who’s scared of throwing up, I used to think every little thing to do with acid was a sign of me maybe vomiting, but that’s not true, it’s a separate thing
Remember that you also have to put in the effort for your healing, yes I pray to God every day, yes I take my meds every day, but I also pick myself up every morning and force myself to eat, I’m praying that I spend a calm evening today and that I continue to get better, I also pray for everyone else going through the same issues, you’re not alone. Thanks for reading