u/agirlfromsomewhere3

skip to the last paragraph if you dgaf abt the sob story lol

hi there! i (17f) am a upcoming senior in high school as of the last couple of months i’ve been questioning my sexuality of whether i’m a lesbian, or just bi and just mainly attracted to women, as i’ve lost most attraction to guys. ive always been interested in dating i’ve just never really pursued anyone, bc it’s always felt like like a chore and im now wondering if it’s bc i never pursued women (as when i think abt dating a women i much more inclined to that rather than a man).

ive talked to a handful of guys over the last couple of years but all of them end up being duds cuz im never really am interested in them. bc of this im very inexperienced in all aspects of the dating world.

fast forward now after realizing i may not like guys as much as i think i did. i wanna start talking to girls. i live in the US and go to school in a decently conservative state but during the summers i travel up north to a significantly less conservative state where being gay is pretty much normalized. so i’m hoping to get to know some people up here.

all this yap boils down to how do i meet girls without going to a club or something that’s 18+. i feel like im at this awkward age where i can do some things as im no longer a kid but cant do others cuz im under 18. and with the whole “being underexposed” to dating i feel like im significantly behind everyone else. truth be told i just wanna get some experience and maybe learn some things about myself. so im hoping i can get some advice on how to meet people my age. and if you do recommend something like a club maybe i could get some advice on how to convince my parents? this is complete yap but hopefully someone could help!

okay hi im not new to reddit but i've never posted here before.

so recently (as of the last december) i've lost mostly all attraction to men, other than some celebrities, but it’s more like i think they’re conventionally attractive (i think? idk) . 

From about june-nov/dec of last year i was dead set on this guy that i had met on a school trip. i knew he had zero interest in me but i still had a huge crush on him (may be important: he has very feminine features). But then one day i just lost all interest, like poof gone and I became almost repulsed by the idea of being with a man. Initially, i thought it was good bc ive always been know to my friends as kinda “boy crazy” and I'd rather not be known that way. But now I'm starting to think its bc im realizing im not attracted to men anymore.

Right before I had stopped liking this guy I had begun tapping into my "bisexualness" again (i’ve known i was bi since i was an early teenager but as the years went on i kinda just pushed it aside). I was coming across videos of women talking about how they've realized that they were bi and now are lesbians.

For example a video would say something like "Things I said/did when I bi, as a lesbian" and then they'd say things that I was/currently am going thru.

They would say things that like:

- how every guy they liked were on the more feminine side feminine

- never really felt the need to date

- always really avoidant to men

- liked the idea of men

- boy crazy prior to being a lesbian

I've always been very comfortable in my sexuality, however, now I'm starting to kind of freak out bc all of these align to me very well . I’ve always had crushes on different guys and would switch around constantly. however, even thru all of this crushing, i never pursued them. if i had a chance with a guy id give up, and if a guy were to pursue me id instantly reject them. originally id chalked it up to me just not trusting people and being avoidant. but as times gone on my attraction to women has been way stronger, while for men its declining. But, I've never had a crush on any woman id only been sexually attracted to them. As well as, most of the guys i like look very feminine or are flat out gay (i was very attracted to bill kaulitz (2000s ver) in my early teens. Lastly, i’ve never had any sort of dating experience with anyone (never kissed nor anything further) bc im avoidant and have always lost attraction to guys immediately. The part that's throwing me off abt this part tho is that I'll like guys and even sometimes think about being together, but when the time comes I freak out and get really defensive. I also wanted to add that I'm not necessarily the most attractive person on the planet; yes I get compliments, but people tend to look at my friends more than they do me.

Also, with my lack of experience within the dating/romance world I feel like I don't know if my judgement of being a lesbian is right, my friends keep telling me I need to have experiences but I don't know how. I'm not the most outgoing person and when I try to be I end up just embarrassing myself in front of everyone.

Here’s where the real “issues” lie, lately the thought of being with a man is almost disgusting (i'm a little worried that i'm turning misandristic) and I only like the idea of being with a woman. when i think abt who i want to pursue it’s also only women. But that’s just how i feel now, in the future i see myself marrying a man and having kids. And I think now that I'm starting to realize that I may no longer have that option of men to rely on (poor wording but idk how else to say it) it's really scaring me. i hate that i feel this way but i feel like my attraction for women is only for my youth and ill have to get over it.

I don't really know what to do because right now I want to pursue women but I feel like I need to get things straight (no pun intended). My friends say that it's okay to be fluid and not necessarily need a specific label but truthfully the label "Lesbian" feels the most correct but I dont know for sure. I apologize i'm all over the place and i understand this may not make the most sense as the chance of me missing some important details is likely. if you have any questions pls let me know i want to have this resolved as quickly as possible

oh and how do i know if a girl is gay if it isn't explicitly known/said

TL;DR: i may be a lesbian haven't wanted to kiss boys in months. all the guys i like are fem or gay. the thought of dating women entices me and sounds great but i wanna get married to a dude.