u/airplane_wanderlust

My husband and I have been on a path of healing for several years and within the past year, have felt called to Aya. Traveling to a retreat is not possible (his addiction issues have caused financial strain and debt) and we have not been able to find any resources in our area...so I found the ingredients and preparation instructions with the intention of sitting with Aya at home. But now Im worried this is above my pay grade.

In a conversation in preparation of the ceremony, he told me about a time in college when he tried mushrooms and the next day he woke up with a feeling that his father had molested him in childhood and it had a "ritual, ceremonial" vibe to it. Not a memory. Just a vague feeling. He chalked it up to imagination.

Fast forward to his fathers deathbed (alcoholism), he catches sight of his fathers genitals while a nurse is caring for him and it triggers the same feeling again but stronger. This time he sits with it and realizes he does have a memory of an older childhood friend initiating sex acts at age 10 (the boy offers to let him sodomize him after teaching him how to mastrubate). So he explains it as a false memory, not molestation. He also relayed a story his sister told where she woke up in the middle of the night with blood between her legs and their father was in her room, drunk. She says she thinks it was a false memory.

An important detail, my husbands father was a 3rd generation Scottish Rite Mason, the boy from the memory was also from a family involved in freemasonry. We now understand that freemasonry (at its highest levels) is luciferianism and that child molestation/SRA underpins the religious cult. He has no actual memories of abuse, but there is enough to be wary.

My question is, would you move forward without a guide/shaman given its this or staying stuck? Obviously we would very much prefer the guidance of, well, anyone...but can it be done in a benificial way without it? He has had little success with other things over the years (therapy, rehab, meditation, shadow work, sheer force of will ect.) And he is tired and desperate (although sober). He says he is ready to confront his demons and his ego, regardless of how bad it may be. Can I trust Aya to be gentle and healing for him in case he does have possible traumatic memories? Does anyone else have experience with repressed memories coming through in ceremony?

My husband and I have been on a path of healing for several years and within the past year, have felt called to Aya. Traveling to a retreat is not possible (his addiction issues have caused financial strain and debt) and we have not been able to find any resources in our area...so I found the ingredients and preparation instructions with the intention of sitting with Aya at home. But now Im worried this is above my pay grade.

In a conversation in preparation for the ceremony, he told me about a time in college when he tried mushrooms and the next day he woke up with a feeling that his father had molested him in childhood and it had a "ritual, ceremonial" vibe to it. Not a memory. Just a vague feeling. He chalked it up to imagination.

Fast forward to his fathers deathbed (alcoholism), he catches sight of his fathers genitals while a nurse is caring for him and it triggers the same feeling again but stronger. This time he sits with it and realizes he does have a memory of an older childhood friend initiating sex acts at age 10 (the boy offers to let him sodomize him after teaching him how to mastrubate). So he explains it as a false memory. He also relayed a story his sister told where she woke up in the middle of the night with blood between her legs and their father was in her room, drunk. She says she thinks it was a false memory.

An important detail, my husbands father was a 3rd generation Scottish Rite Mason, the boy from the memory was also from a family involved in freemasonry. We now understand that freemasonry (at its highest levels) is luciferianism and that child molestation/SRA underpins the religious cult. He has no actual memories of abuse, but there is enough to be wary.

My question is, would you move forward without a guide/shaman given its this or staying stuck? Obviously we would very much prefer the guidance of, well, anyone...but can it be done in a benificial way without it? He has had little success with other things over the years (therapy, rehab, meditation, shadow work, sheer force of will ect.) And he is tired and desperate for this last ditch effort. He is not afraid to remember and is ready to confront his demons and his ego, regardless of how bad it may be. Can I trust Aya to be gentle and healing for him in case he does have possible traumatic memories? Does anyone else have experience with repressed memories coming through in ceremony?