r/Ayahuasca

I started my journey with Ayahuasca almost ten years ago. I have only participated with the same shaman who serve Colombian Yage style brews.

This past weekend I attended a three day retreat with the same group however the first night they served a Peruvian brew. I had three cups.

The first cup was not noticeable. The second cup I was met with a gate of sorts and a message that “you haven’t paid the price to enter” in this message I noticed that the colors, shapes, entity’s ect were different than I had experienced previously. Different in that they were more “South American” in nature. The third cup I was not able to keep down more than 5 minutes before I rejected it and purged. Maybe it’s better phrased as it rejected me. After the purge the message was clear. “We told you that you were not ready” the entities were laughing at me and mocking me. The last vision was of an entity, cartoonish in nature wearing a poncho with large gnashing teeth spindly arms and legs one eye noticeably larger than the other who acted as a leader of sorts making the final statement of “we told you you cannot enter”

Needless to say I have no idea what the message of “paying the right price” means. After this first night I learned that the brew was from a different territory. The second and third night we drank the normal brew that the group serves.

If you have experience drinking brews from different territories I would like to hear what differences you have noticed.

If you have ideas on the price for entry I would like to hear that as well.

What do you think about ceremony retreats that are exclusively for men, exclusively for women, or mixed?

Have you had the opportunity to experience both? Which one did you find more enriching, and why? Do you think a space exclusively for men or women allows for greater openness and connection, or do you prefer the diversity of a mixed group?

I have worked as a ‘facilitator’ for about 5 years, that was until my mental health took a toll and went for the worse.
Prior to Ayahuasca I had always been a person of good humor, strong character, firm in what I do, caring for family and loving(overall a good relationship with myself and others) without any big traumas. I tried Ayahuasca out of curiosity and it slowly broke me until I became suicidal, thought I was going insane, and depressive.

-Now after my 5 years of helping in ceremonies(ive made a lot of friends along the way) I’ve noticed that 7/10 are actually far worse then prior to using Ayahuasca (I’m now talking about overall/general life) then after using it, many of then regret it actually. Many of them being burnt out, depressed, suicidal.

Thoughts on this or if you have similar experience?

What are your thoughts on this?

I'm curious about this from an educational perspective. There seems to be a big difference between how Ayahuasca is discussed online and the depth of knowledge people with real experience bring.

For those who have spent time learning about it, what do you wish you'd understood earlier?

It could be something about the traditions, terminology, cultural context, preparation, expectations, or simply a misconception you had at the beginning.

Interested to hear everyone's perspectives.

I don’t like to the term “use” but i didn’t know how to frame the title. I’m looking for book that explains the nature of the subconscious mind in the context of working with psychedelics.

I had a vision or entity showed up in my last trip which was low dose ( 2.1g mimosa tea) the vision itself wasn’t that scary but it was filled with envy emotion. The gaze was charged with hate towards me but i immediately responded with forgiveness to myself and to it so it doesn’t override me.

I need to understand my subconscious on a deeper level and i look for a book that helps me throughout.

I appreciate your insights🧡

I'm stepping on my 30s. In my early to mid-20s, I did a lot of psychedelics it shaped my personality, and the friends and social circles, events I joined were on the psychonaut side.

Eventually, life got in the way, got a job, grew in my career, met my partner (she's not into psychedelics), made more money, and got comfortable in the rat race. I used to trip once a month. Now I can't remember the last time I tripped. It probably was close to 2 years ago. I still smoke weed to get by.

I have easy access to shrooms, lsd and DMT. However, I have never tried Ayahuasca and Yopo, and I am interested in these substances. My intention is to connect with the divine and remember who I am, where I come from, and where I am going. I'm not looking for answers anymore, just the experience.

So my question is, having easy access to the medicines mentioned before, is it worth the extra effort and cost to try the more niche ones (ayahuasca, yopo), or should I just stick to the ones I know?

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for a tripsetter companion for my Iboga session. I've done this before and I only need someone for the first 8 hours. Ideally someone in the North Rhine-Westphalia area, germany. I'd book an Airbnb. I'm also willing to pay, so please get in touch. Cheers

I was abused as a child and as a result I suffer from C-PTSD and depression. Everyday, all day I deal with intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and internalized anger. My mind is always racing. The only time I'm at peace is when I'm sleeping. When I awake I return to a state of constant stress

I'd love to sit down and read a book or learn a new skill without discouraging and intrusive thoughts affecting my concentration and mood

Hey guys,

I hope this is understandable, I'm not a native English speaker!

I did ayahuasca three times at home with a friend, over the past four years. The first time, it healed my depression, which was very surprising to me because I didn't expect anything. The second time I couldn't swallow a lot of it, so i didn't trip noticeably.

This time, I didn't do a whole lot differently, in terms of dieta and preparation. I cooked ayahuasca with chacruna, with soft water from the bottle. I took the dieta seriously, I cleansed the space physically and energetically. My friend drank it first, everything went well for him, I drank it 4 days later, made from a different batch of chacruna leaves, if that's important.

To put it briefly: I had the feeling, that I was god, and I am the only thing that exists. Also, they switched my concepts off and back on again, repeatedly, which made me feel overwhelmed and scared. Maybe I had a little accidental awakening. But I didn't like it. It felt weird and now I feel weird. I am still a bit overwhelmed with the existence of all stuff and sometimes wish nothing would exist, so I or god or anyone wouldn't have to deal with it. I guess I'm a buddhist now, but it annoys me. Also, I thought I was dying and really tried to fight for my life. Which worked, yay, but it was a bit traumatizing.

Do you guys have opinions on what this means? I feel like I am struggling in life, and wanted to ask the plants for guidance. But it felt like they wanted to punish me. Which makes me sad and scared. In particular, it feels like they wanted to punish me for seeking the meaning of life in other "dimensions" than my own. But I didn't even feel/ know that I was looking for the meaning of life, I thought I was just looking for help and guidance... (and I still think so)

Thanks for reading <3 wish you guys the best.

Edit: Thank you all so much for taking the time and energy to read and comment on my post! I was really happy and moved to see so many comments :) <3 Your perspectives really helped me. I will try not to take the "bad trip" so personally and I'll keep working on grounding myself.

Hello all, I am planning to do my first dieta with Marosa at Sama Nete, near San Francisco in Pucalpa. I wanted to see if anyone had any advice or thoughts on if this center is a good center to go with. I learned from another Meraya that I should do a month, so I am doing a month. I have sat with Aya around 7 times. Thank you.

10 years ago my lover passed by suicide. I was only 18 years old. He was here,

Then he was gone.

We were both suicidal and related to each other. I felt so close with him because we could talk about how we really felt. But, I never thought he would actually do it. Then…..he did.

Sometimes I wish I never had that experience,

But honestly, it’s possibly safe guarded me from ever killing myself. Knowing the existential feeling of pain and suffering it has caused me, by him passing and “leaving” this life, I have never been able to go through with killing myself.

Anyways…..I felt called to share this bc it’s similiar to how I’m now viewing my ayahuasca experience. Because I am now thinking I might wish I could have never had that experience in order to live peacefully…

I sat for my first time, 3 nights in a row, last February 2025, 1.5 years ago.

I had the “most intense” experience out of anyone there, at least based on what people chose to share.

The third day, I started my period, on day 1. I was previously concerned because I learned that often women are not recommended to sit on their cycles. The facilitator said “forget that, that’s just the patriarchy talking”.

There were many red flags about her, but I was not sure how these ceremonies were put together at the time, and didn’t know the red flags were truly red flags.

Anyways, on night 3, as my cycle had begun, I drank 1st. They had me drink 1st because the first nights it had taken me longer than anyone else for it to hit me.

I felt it within 10 minutes. Immediately, there were 2 hands coming down to my brain,

And instead of laying there, in fear, I got out of my little mat on the floor, and felt I was somewhere I couldn’t comprehend. Like a 15th dimension. Immediately I wanted to leave, and something felt wrong.

The helpers came over, because I was asking “help!” In front of everyone, who were all silent. I usually hate interrupting others experiences, so that was new for me, and that’s how you know I was not in a good place. Because I was willing to make noise.

Anyways, I realize, I have to go to the bathroom,

And that’s when me and the helper realize, I’m bleeding so much, due to being on my period, and that’s how my body is choosing to purge. I was on the toilet for about 1-2 hours (hard to tell), shaking so much, felt hypothermic, and just kept bleeding. No one knew what to do, and I was experiencing the craziest visuals of my life. I was finally carried to a separate bedroom, away from the ceremony space,

Where I kept bleeding, but I think they needed me in a separate space, because of how intense my experience was.

It kept getting more intense, and I couldn’t speak. The facilitator would periodically come into my room and ask “what’s your name??”, which I felt she was checking for if I was conscious or not.

These two light beings were working with me, doing brain surgery on my core beliefs, (this was all very wow and unexpected for me by the way),

The two light beings working with me, said, it’s okay, we know you can’t talk, it’s okay, we’re doing good work, we got you.

The “shaman” came to come check on me, and she looked concerned, but I’m not 100% sure, because I was on Aya. I did hear the whole team, all in my room at one point, talk about me as if they thought I couldn’t hear them, because I couldn’t speak out loud. They said “what did she take?? Did she take a medication?? Go look in her bags!!” Because my experience was so intense??

Meanwhile, it’s making me more scared thinking they don’t know what’s going on, and eventually the shaman comes in because they have decided to give me something to maybe relieve the experience somehow?

She put a tincture of liquid in my mouth, and said “do NOT swallow this”. I still couldn’t speak. She had to open my mouth. I thought it might end my experience or something…and nothing happened. They noticed nothing happened, and got more concerned.

I was seeing so many visuals, and all the while, in contact with these light beings helping me rewire my brain. The only words I could say were the core beliefs they were helping me rewire. Like “I can ask for a hug” and “nothing is wrong” and “it’s okay to like my mom” (my family didn’t like my mom and I felt judgement for liking her).

Anyways….then…after hours of this, the facilitator still periodically coming into the room yelling “what is your name??” And then leaving when I couldn’t answer or move…..

I started to 120% believe,

I was dying. I was brought here, to die.

Something kept trying to get me to ohm, ??, and I was too scared to, I was scared that would mean I was dying.

But it was happening either way….

Now this. This is what I haven’t shook. This is what I wish possibly never happened. I genuinely, 100% thought, I am dying. I couldn’t fight it. I couldn’t hang on. I had to let go. I really realized, I was never going to see my mom again…I was never going to see anyone ever again….and it all started to hit me. I am not over exaggerating when it felt 1000% real. After who ever many minutes of feeling like I was trying to hang on,

I couldn’t. I realize, I had come to the ceremony to die.

And then, I got confused..

All of a sudden it felt like I was going to wake up in a hospital. The shaman and the facilitor came in to check on me…and I thought they were my midwives. I thought I was about to give birth…..

But also die. I can’t remember which came first. I want to be honest with you - and I can’t remember if I felt I was dying first, or if I was giving birth, but either way,

When I had felt like, this,

This is the final moment. Death.

All of a sudden I actually sat up for the first time…..I sat up. On the bed. My eyes were open. And I said out loud “is death not real?” Because I couldn’t beleive….i was alive…what????

So many more things….

But I realize for now, this is what needs to be shared.

I was in a confusion, mixed with Buddha level bliss, shock, and existential feelings after the experience. For months.

It’s been 1.5 years now…

And death. Has been a thought on my mind every single day. I look around a room and think how they are all going to die.

I’ve studied and experienced so much spirituality, immersed myself in the community, I try to live by “love is the answer” and it has helped me immensely.

BUT, at the same time,

If my love had not passed away, I may have come very close to killing myself at this point. I think about how we are on a planet floating through space every day,

All my prayers get answered….i manifest things into reality with my words so much……

It’s……….like every single day is a trip. Life has been a trip.

But I,

I need help.

How am I going to live a life without thinking about this every single day? I don’t know how much longer I can suffer like this. It’s honestly wow.

Side note, the facilitator did not like me, I learned,

Because the guy, my new friend, who invited me to the ceremony, actually romantically liked me.

But SHE liked him. Which I didn’t know until I got there. So the whole time I was the girl who the guy she felt protection of, liked. And I could feel it the whole time. I have tried to forgive her for being human while also being so upset that it impacted my safety.

Anyways, that’s why I didn’t have support after.

I need REAL advice. Real advice…to live. How does one live without searching and feeling the reason of life every single day…
Such…deep thoughts…every single day.

😢

The largest randomized psychedelic trial in history happened in Brazil. Its strangest finding isn’t about ayahuasca at all.

I've done Aya many many times, mostly in America and the teaching surrounding it's use are pretty uniform as therapeutic and medicinal. Boy was I surprised when I went to Peru and saw how so many of the locals use it. I kid you not, they use it as a "Bruja", jilted lovers casting spells on exes or cursing co-workers they have personal beef with. It's heavy use as dark magic is very common in South America yet I never hear this talked about in America.

I've been researching retreats and cermonies in the usa and they all seem crazy expensive. It will be my first time trying it and i need something affordable like a couple hundred bucks for even a 1 day ceremony or something. I need to be able to afford the travel expenses to get to wherever it is and back so that's also a factor that means i need a very inexpensive ceremony. Seems next to impossible to find in the usa.

If anyone can point me in a direction i'd appreciate it.