u/aishaby

This is more of a rant than a question, I would like to hear your thoughts on everything.

I am an overweight and tall woman married to an overweight and tall man for 8 months.

It has been great so far and my body image issues started to go away since the marriage , until I found out he used to fancy women half my size and have certain features that I don't possess.

So naturally I don't believe him as much anymore when he compliments me (and he does often)

The thing is, I am born with a heart defect and have had a surgery in the past. The recurrence of the surgery is realistically in the cards for me, however the doctors I have visited for the last couple of years have told me to lose weight if I want to stabilize my condition for some more time and postpone the surgery.

I was actively trying to lose weight before meeting my husband and was down 6 kgs. When we met, I have told him from the start what I will be doing if we are to married. Never asked him to lose weight with me as well, I told him I am doing it for my health. But you know what it is, with the stress off the process of marriage, I fell out of the diet, and when marriage happened, we started eating together and before I know it I have put on an extra 10 kgs plus the 6 I lost.

I have tried multiple times during my marriage to go on a diet. The cooking is mostly on me so in the days I felt okay enough to cook, I did (sometimes my heart is so tired that I skip a day) according to the diet. But I knew a huge man like him wouldn't be full with what I am supposed to eat, and because he is working I felt obliged to cook him extra stuff that are filling yet not healthy.

Cooking two separate meals tired me, so I stopped. But my attempts at losing weight went on. I asked my husband to warn me sternly if I show weakness in my diet. He said he will be the sugar nazi, he didn't. I know my weight loss is my responsibility and I am to blame for the weight I am right now, but the enabling, on both sides, didn't help at all. He kept enabling me, suggesting take out and sweets and I did the same for him. And most importantly, he tells me that I don't need weight loss. That he doesn't care what doctors say, or anyone says, that I am not overweight and I am perfect like this. The woman of his dreams, etc... I tell him it's for my health, and he says okay, you are right but doesn't show support afterwards.

There's one more reason why weight loss is important for us. I am not supposed to have children in the severity of my situation, only allowed after second surgery, but weight loss could lessen the severity and I could, maybe, tolerate pregnancy.

And I want to take that chance.

A couple days ago I asked him what is the real reason that he doesn't want me to lose weight, and he said he feared that I wouldn't like him anymore. I assured him that I would.

I am trying again. I have switched to healthy ingredients, no gluten breads and only olive oil, etc. and I am down 1.5 kgs without being strictly on a diet. The road is long and difficult without a supportive husband.

My questions are, firstly, could my husband be genuine in his attraction for me when he previously was attracted to much different body shapes?

Why wouldn't he help me get closer to the body shape he used to prefer on women by supporting my weight loss?

Am I really the women of his dreams or is he merely settling for me, because I am the best he could have, right now?

Those were my spiraling thoughts, I very much love my husband and want to believe his love and attraction for me is genuine. He never did anything to suggest otherwise, but when I found out of his previous likings (not told by him but rather found out), I started to feel insecure.

And the main question: What can I do for weight loss (over 40 kgs) without too much loose skin, when I can tolerate little exercise and strength training is not an option for me?

Edit: Added another question and changed the wording.