Wasted my life in isolation - where to go from here?
Hello Im Enneatype 5. I never connected with people since childhood and was very independent. I hated every day of high school I was treated like shit. I was always nice to people and they used it to fuck me over. So I developed a seething hatred of people and completely shut everyone out. My whole teens were spent in numb apathy.
I will turn 25 and I’m having an existential crisis. I wasted my early 20s in severe depression and cynicism. I have nothing to look back to. No experiences, no friends, no girlfriend, no recollection of years. I’m consumed every day with regret, guilt and self hatred. I have become so detached from myself. The only thing left is an endless void of emptiness. I dont know who I am.
My life is passing me by and I dont know what to do. I dont have anyone. I literally can’t keep going like this. I’m considering taking anti depressants. I need hard truth life advice about my situation.