u/alien_nessa

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING. my rant may hurt feewings ⚠️

Men seem to think this is a great opener, but as a woman on dating apps, I can tell you it's one of least interesting messages you could send.

Yes, we know you think we're attractive. That's not exactly groundbreaking. You swiped, so we already assume you like our pics.

What I don't know is whether you actually read my profile.

The problem isn't the compliment itself, the problem is that it's the same compliment over and over and over again. After hearing "You're beautiful," "You're gorgeous," and "You're so pretty" from countless strangers, it doesn't feel flattering anymore.

It's the equivalent of saying "Hey" and expecting me to carry the conversation, and then what am I supposed to say? "Thank you"? Great, we've officially reached a conversational dead end.

Meanwhile, my profile has actual information in it. Interests. Opinions. Conversation starters. Things you could ask about if you spent 20 seconds reading before messaging me.

If you want to stand out, be original.

40F, I get hit on by guys in their early twenties and sometimes it feels predatory even talking to them, even though the conversation is clean. more recently, a 24M approached me at work and expressed interest. I turned him down because of his age. my daughter is 19, so dating someone even remotely close to her age seems wrong. I'd be furious if a man my age was trying to make a pass at my daughter. what are your guys' thoughts?

Edit/clarification:

I think my wording in the original post may have caused confusion. I’m not saying that age gap relationships are inherently predatory. what I meant is that I personally feel uncomfortable engaging with men in their early 20s, and that discomfort sometimes shows up in my mind as “this feels predatory” even though I recognize they are consenting adults and nothing inappropriate is happening.

So my question is less about labeling relationships as predatory, and more about where other people think the line is between a normal age gap dynamic vs. something that becomes unhealthy or exploitative. I just wanted to get people's perspectives.