r/CougarsAndCubs

I have never dated a older women not that I didn’t wanted to it’s just never had courage for it but till this moment in my life the best understanding I have is usually with the girls much older than mine, I didn’t come here as a cry baby but if I ever had a chance to date one in past it’s usually her cheating on her husband. At this point of life I am too serious to date young or my age but at the same time too directionless for the old ones. It’s not even about sex at all am I just misguided or overthinking at this moment (M22)

I know getting pregnant can be challenging for older women, but there are cases where the mother is over 40 years old.

The most well known person I can think of who gave birth over 40 is Gisele Bundchen, who was 44 at the time.

I’ve been thinking about this question for some time. We are all adults here, but - what’s the age difference you’d never consider (58f, 29m)?

Which age is your favorite to talk with, and why? I'm curious to understand more about the cougar behaviour!

I’m 26M and I’ve developed strong feelings for a 45F friend of mine.

We met through mutual friends at a language exchange party and became close fairly quickly. She’s originally from northern Italy, and I’ve always felt very comfortable around her in a way I don’t usually experience with people. Conversations between us feel easy and natural, and I feel understood by her.

On a recent camping trip with mutual friends, we ended up sharing a sleeping space and kissed once. Since then, my feelings have grown a lot. I can’t stop thinking about her, and I’ve realized I’ve fallen in love with her.

I want to be honest with her about how I feel, but I’m also aware of the age gap and the fact that we’re in the same friend group. I don’t want to make things awkward or put pressure on her, or risk damaging the friendship if she doesn’t feel the same way.

I’m unsure about whether I should tell her directly, how to phrase it, or if I should hold back.

Any advice or perspective would really help.

I live through death it seems, my past is very privileged and if I go into it I imagine many people will lose empathy for me, I have bad thoughts from the heartbreak or issues and it’s like every day I wish I could turn back time.

I was 19 and an older woman was interested in me, I had nothing and I still have nothing. She had everything. I don’t think I should go in detail but it hurts.

I was empathetic and got approached by a girl across from where I live, she’s younger than me and at the time I guess I didn’t know how to say no. Subjectively if you were to compare the two situations and judge my decision you would say I’m extremely stupid. I literally feel like a failure daily because of this and I cope with green.

One didn’t plan on going to school had no car, and I don’t know, I just felt like I would be a asshole for turning the younger girl down so I could be treated like a literal rockstar again. I go into detail again, imma just feel bad, empathy will probably go down….

I can say this, I can’t bring the older woman to see my mom and mom my disagreed with the relationship entirely. (Favored the younger)

Yet it was opposite when i asked my dad for advice. I live with my mom and cared about her and despite all the things i was experiencing and cope with daily I guess i just felt better “staying on my level”

I just don’t feel good man, im not even with the younger woman anymore as she’s come out as lesbian.

I don’t have a masters degree, a business, or able to speak foreign languages,

I can’t look at teslas the same, I never hated them but I see them and it’s just a reminder of the POS I am.

That life which felt like I was moving foward for the first time is gone, and this person still exists, but hey I was 19 didn’t get a ride until later, was struggling and dropped out of CAD program(this was while with the 1st)

Everyday I’m a loser I see teslas I’m just reminded of it. I feel like I’m shut out from any white collar or successful field because of my ex who I feel much regret for how things ended. Maybe if I was able to turn the first girl down before it went to far it would be fine.

I don’t know, I just wish I didn’t feel so negative about older women that are successful now. I get trauma from AKA plates, places she took me too that were upscale where I live now feel like pain or just trauma.

It’s funny because before HS I had such an influence from the manosphere and RP and can say I was super lucky to have someone show me the errors in it, or at least helped me.

My guess is she’s probably flying or traveling the world, probably found a real man that has his career together, I ended things off I guess explaining about the other young woman.

I sit here as a bum and whatever assumptions that brought are probably correct. I’m a loser in my city, I’m a leech, a burden on taxpayers.

I’m just really disappointed in myself, that older woman taught me so much and I don’t think I can forgive myself for doing her bad. She’s probably never hear from me, my little car drawings are a cope too I guess.

If any advice is out there, I kinda need it.

In really a Bad Phase

So I am a 21 M. So I was having a time with a women who was 42 yeard old. We only talk in reddit and shared some photos. Now for personal reason we stopped it . Now I am feeling bad right now. Missing time with her. She increased my standards in women and changed me and my thoughts. So now I can't even find women of my age interesting during talks. I am really feeling void. And I am going to start my masters degree next month.

You know I just miss someone to talk having deep connection talking about sexual needs, desire and idea she was great and open and fun to talk.

What would you suggest for me.

I live in Essex but work all over the UK, I was sent on a first aid course, where I was teamed up with this older lady. When it came to putting the bandages on, she was very flirty, with lots of saucy comments. I laughed and shrugged it off.

The end of the 1 day training course had finished, and I was grabbing my bag, getting ready to leave. When she told me not to rush off and wait for her as she was just going to the loo.

At this point, I was like, "Oh!. She likes me.

So I waited and she walked with me to my work van, where we spent an hour talking more, asking more personal questions. It was getting cold, so she asked to sit inside. We then talked for a bit more before she asked me to out put her address on my phone and could I drop her off home.

It took about 30 mins to drive her home, but as we spoke, she consistently touched my hand and arm as I drove.

When we got to her address, she turned to me and said I suppose you wnat my number?""". I said yeah sure," she said we can meet up and go for a drink some time.""

So as she left, she kissed me on the lips and said, "See you later, don't forget to ring me when you get in."

So I was fairly tired so I went to bed when I got back, I waited till the following evening and rang, she didn't answer and I texted but she claimed it wasn't her? Strange just very strange

I’m 35F, never been married (yet), no children (yet). Grew up with strict parents and studied til my 30s (postgrad) so I only started living life fully after turning 30. Given all that, I feel like I just came out of my cage and don’t act my age sometimes 🤣 I’ve been hanging out with people younger than me and I vibe with them really well. I also noticed I attract a lot of men younger than me (surprisingly, they’re really hardworking, mature & ambitious)!

Do I fall within the ‘cougar’ category? Can some of you relate to how I feel? 😊 *hugs!xoxo

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking about dating dynamics lately. It seems like a lot of younger guys find themselves completely uninterested in girls their own age or younger, and are instead purely drawn to mature, older women.

Personally, I think it’s all about the sophistication, the deep conversations, and the amazing energy that only mature women can bring into a relationship. It feels much more genuine and exciting.

I’m curious to hear from both sides here: Why do you think this attraction happens? And for the mature women in this sub, what do you think makes this dynamic work so well? Let’s talk!

When I went to target today to get some groceries, it was like all the fine and tall, older (than me) ladies in town were there.

Some women were with their kids so obviously taken but I wasn't sure if the ladies shopping by their own were single.

Is there a way to know without talking to them? Looking at her hand isn't good cause I don't want to stare like a creep.

I’m 27M. Matched with a 47F on Facebook Dating just 3 days ago. She’s Argentinian and lives in NYC. We moved to WhatsApp pretty quickly. At first it was just casual conversation, but today she started asking more personal questions (whether I live alone, whether I’m in the US by myself, what I do for work, etc.).

At some point I mentioned showing her around my neighborhood. She was the one who kept building on the idea. She said she’d bring mate (Argentinian drink), then suggested making dessert together at my place, talked about bringing some drinks, and now we’re basically planning dinner together at my place. There’s been zero sexual texting. No sexting, no innuendos. Just good conversation, teasing each other, food, travel and culture.

What makes me think is that she’s almost 50, lives 45-60 minutes away, knows I live alone, and still seems perfectly comfortable with the idea of coming over. If you were in my shoes, how would you read this? Does older women are this direct/fast?

Hey all,

genuine question for the beautiful ladies! 27M here and was curious to know! Do some like young men exclusively? Some like both older and younger? What do you look for in a younger man compared to an older man?

40F, I get hit on by guys in their early twenties and sometimes it feels predatory even talking to them, even though the conversation is clean. more recently, a 24M approached me at work and expressed interest. I turned him down because of his age. my daughter is 19, so dating someone even remotely close to her age seems wrong. I'd be furious if a man my age was trying to make a pass at my daughter. what are your guys' thoughts?

Edit/clarification:

I think my wording in the original post may have caused confusion. I’m not saying that age gap relationships are inherently predatory. what I meant is that I personally feel uncomfortable engaging with men in their early 20s, and that discomfort sometimes shows up in my mind as “this feels predatory” even though I recognize they are consenting adults and nothing inappropriate is happening.

So my question is less about labeling relationships as predatory, and more about where other people think the line is between a normal age gap dynamic vs. something that becomes unhealthy or exploitative. I just wanted to get people's perspectives.

Hi, I moved to Germany and dating here is a bit different than in the US. I am obviously into older women, is a younger man asking an older woman out considered weird in Germany or Europe in general?

I haven’t been with a women younger than me since I was a teenager . I only find older women attractive is this going to be an issue in later life

Say, a 40 year old woman that genuinely looks 20. I have wondered how important it is to you personally that the woman looks 'mature'.

As Pride Month comes to an end soon. Just wanna give a shout to all the queer members of the community. As a sapphic woman who dates older women. I know there are some others here too.