u/alienflowerz

My 2.5y/o was at her dad's house for a long weekend with him before he and I both go back to work (we each work in schools). I was facetiming with her one morning and saw she had a new stuffed animal. I asked her/him about it and he said that while they were grocery shopping at Walmart and older woman was following them around the store. She approached him after a while with something under her shawl and asked him if he could give this gift to our daughter. After this she ran off and he said he didn't get her name or anything, but gave the toy to our daughter.

I was furious, that's such a creepy story and absolutely unsafe behavior from an adult. I've been introducing our daughter to the idea of safe and unsafe adults and adult behaviors, and this just trampled all over that. I sent him a text saying as much after we hung up. He said he didn't mean for the story to be upsetting, and it wasn't as creepy as it sounded, but he agreed no more gifts from strangers.

I have her back now, and i'm still caught up on it. I want to ask him to tear it open to make sure there's no airtags, listening devices, or other trackers in there. If so he needs to call the police. If not, then I want the toy gone anyway so ripping it up doesn't matter.

I'm just so concerned he doesn't think this is a big deal?! I didn't think I'd have to tell a grown man who has gone through student safety and abuse training what unsafe adult behavior is.

Hi poly people. I’ve posted here before for perspective on my situation with my soon-to-be-ex-husband, as his fixation with polyamory was at the core of his abuse towards me.

As my request for perspective has to do with polyamory, I’m once again asking you all for that because I know there won’t be any anti-poly bias here.

Mini-update on my life first: I graduated from my program Summa Cum Laude, I have a job lined up to start in two weeks, and my daughter is absolutely amazing and compassionate and kind and silly. (Also, I’m dating again, and my bf is everything my ex wasn’t).

Since leaving my stbx-husband I also met his affair partner. By myself. Because I found her on Instagram. I had asked him multiple times to meet her since I knew she existed and had met my child, but he was refusing, so I did it myself.

This all happened back in November of 2025.

I was a little taken aback when I walked into the cafe and saw her. She looked just like me. Short, straight, dark brown hair, wearing more outdoorsy/earthy clothes, and reading a book. When she started talking to me her vernacular was similar to mine too (something my ex had always made fun of me for). She’s in the same career field as me too. The only difference was she’s roughly 10 years older than me.

I had set up the meeting as a way to get to know the person who was in my child’s life, but also as a way to figure out wtf was actually going on with this woman.

Long story short, my ex had lied to me about the whole timeline. He told me he had met her for the first time in September of 2024. This is when I had agreed to open our relationship after he coerced me into agreeing (I was 6 months postpartum, exclusively breastfeeding, and going back to school at this time). He told me he did not introduce our daughter to this woman until August of 2025.

She told me no. She had met my daughter in December of 2024, and had started dating my husband in October of 2023… when I was 24 weeks pregnant… on my 1 year wedding anniversary. I sat there stunned and crying.

She told me “I thought you knew.”

I said “clearly not.”

I then asked her how they met. She said Feeld. So that at least wasn’t a lie. She said he’d told her he and his wife (me) were newly poly, and I didn’t want to meet or talk to any of his partners.

I asked if she knew I was pregnant and she said not at first. She said he didn’t tell her until around December of 2023.

I asked if any of this raised red flags for her, if any of this seemed weird. That it was insane he’d been lying to both of us.

She told me that she would discuss these things with him in her own time, but that that was a personal and private matter as part of her relationship with my husband, and since I left him it doesn’t concern me anymore. She said we should refocus the conversation on my daughter, since she’s the one we all should be most concerned about and care for.

I found out through more conversation with her that she’s married, living in a queer town as openly polyamorous with her husband. They’ve been poly for 10+ years. She’s a part of the poly community in her area. She might want kids, but her husband doesn’t, so they never had any.

My husband had met her husband, her family, been to special events she had for herself in the last two years.

I asked if he’d brought my daughter to these events. If he’d had her meet anybody else. She told me no, so that’s a relief at least.

I asked what my daughter called her, and she said just by her first name. She said it was important for my daughter to see her father supported during such a hard time in his life, what with me leaving him and all.

The last thing I asked was if she had any questions for me. She asked me “what is it like to be a mom?” And I just broke down crying again.

I messaged her later on Instagram to get confirmation of what she told me in person (two party consent state), but she refused to confirm any information until I made myself come across as pathetic and sniveling and mentally ill to get her to condescend to me enough to confirm the information.

I’m trying not to editorialize my hatred for this person too much here. There’s a lot more I could say. I’m asking for advice now because it’s been eating at me so much just how insane this whole interaction was.

Here’s how I feel: it feels like she’s using mu daughter to vicariously live out having a child without any of the hard parts. It feels like she has a complete disregard for my emotions and experience at the hands of my husband. It feels like she has a male centered worldview because she ignored what should be very clear red flags even as a seasoned polyamorous person. It feels like she looks down on me and somehow thinks she won.

The kicker is, my husband now works in the same place as her and makes less than half the money he used to because he decided to center his life around her, instead of his child. And now is complaining in court about child support expenses But I guess I can’t be too surprised because that’s what he’s been doing since before she was born.