I’m genuinely struggling with this. It says Abraham was justified by faith, before he was circumcised, and it specifically says this was for us today.
If baptism is the new circumcision and to be justified means to be made right with God… how do we reconcile it all?
How does one lose their faith?
It doesn’t happen overnight.
It starts with a series of
well intentioned
unintentional lies
rehearsed over and over
and over again.
Lies with high stakes.
It continues with boldness —
people speaking on behalf of God,
using your life as a pawn.
Always well intentioned
and unintentional.
The finale lies in
the subjectivity of it all.
In how the unintentional damage
can be so well intentioned.
———
|| how to hold onto your faith while leaving the UPCI!?!? ||
I am in the process of leaving a fundamentalist Christian sect and the psychological warfare I have endured from trying to leave cannot be understated.
I have been told my whole life that in order for one to be saved, they must repent, speak in tongues & be baptized in Jesus name. Secondary things often related to salvation are rejecting the Trinity and strict outward dress codes/ “holiness standards”, especially for women.
Without giving great detail, my whole life and future are caught up in this deeply. All my family and friends.
Initially, I couldn’t stand the rule on uncut hair. I HATE having long uncut hair. That lead me to question all the standards I’ve been taught to believe were biblical and of course, I saw that they weren’t.
From there, everything crumbled. All the doctrines we teach with such conviction and surety are not holding against the word of God for me.
I have had moments of intense clarity, but I am drowning in fear and honestly feel like I’m being tormented trying to figure out what the truth is and whether or not I should leave. I know it is going to result in social repercussions as well and greatly affect my family dynamic and close friendships. It already is.
I know I’m called by God, and I’m so scared to ruin that.
I know God is real and I never ever ever thought I would question Christianity, but in the height of all of this, I’ve become deeply, deeply confused.
How can so many people come to so many different biblical conclusions?
I believe there’s an objective truth in the Bible, but I am really starting to doubt that any human is capable of finding it.
I feel like I have no idea how to trust my own relationship with God, the word of God, or any ministers. Honestly, I don’t even know what it looks like to trust God anymore. People have “trusted God” for centuries and those people have all been lead in very different, and I’m sure at times doctrinally conflicting directions.
I can’t trust anyone or anything right now. Not because they have ill intent, but because we can all be convinced of truth, but those ideas of truth, even within the Bible, can vary greatly and all contradict each other. How is it that truth seems to be so… subjective? How to stop this torment? I really need prayers and encouragement. I’m so, so scared I’m going to lose my way and I really can’t take another day of this psychological warfare. What makes it worse is that I actually love my pastor and the people in my church, but I can’t bring myself back into alignment with the teachings no matter how hard I try. I feel myself being pulled into wanting to just be spiritual, because atleast there’s humility in that. But I know that can’t be right. I’m really, really confused.
And I feel like, if leaving is the right thing to do, why am I suffering so greatly trying to do so?