u/allie8109

So yeah, I(F28) decided to stay with my boyfriend (M 27) after he cheated (Aug 18th). We’ve been together for about 2 years. He swore up and down he didn’t do anything physical, I knew he did. We have been trying to work on things together. I’m not here for judgment. I straight up asked him twice, do I need to get tested? He tells me no, because he didn’t do anything physical.

Well I got tested anyway. I didn’t tell him, because I just wanted to find out of for myself.

Well, I’m positive for oral chlamydia. Negative for vaginal chlamydia.

Here’s the thing and yes I am probably in denial.

We did go on a break for a few months, I had oral sex with someone else about 9 months ago. The last time that my partner and I had oral sex was 3 1/2 weeks ago.(we are long distance). I have not been officially tested for STD’s for years. Definitely shame on my part for not getting tested after being with the person on our break.

Could I have gotten it from the other partner? Or am I in denial here?

But the other side of me is saying “well, you knew he cheated and you decided to stay. So does this change anything?”

I’m just going back and forth thinking I knew there would be a chance this was possible, but I still decided to stay to work on things.

Thanks for being non judgmental peeps ✌️

Now listen, I know people’s first responses will be to ask him. I’m going to tell you why I simply can’t. I just need some more opinions based on my observations.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year.

He comes off VERY straight white male. Truck, camo, country boy.

Here are my observations since dating him:

1. My first one was about 7 months into us dating he reconnected with an old friend that he met when he was using drugs. They used to hang out everyday in his car when he was homeless. He described him as someone who was there for him when he was alone. Well, I guess years later the friend finally decided to get clean and asked him for help. (My bf is now doing well w a nice job). The day after my bf’s birthday in November, he drove all the way 8 hours there and back total and picked up his friend. He got him a job at his job offered him to live w him in his long term hotel room (which btw I was sleeping there every other night), had no say as to whether I was okay with it and paid for everything of his. Food, alcohol, vapes, clothes, even bought him a $400 pair of cowboy boots. They would share clothes, underwear, and whatever else. He did this for 3 months of non stop financial help and whatever else he needed. I thought that was very kind of him for helping a friend out, even though I felt pushed to the side.

Well, some context, I lost my job in August and was luckily able to get something by October. I wasn’t asking for any handouts but I had hinted to my bf that he may need to pay for most dinners when going out or things like that for a little bit bc I was struggling. I would get comments like “ no offense but I’m not gonna let anyone mooch off me” and “I really hope ur finding a job soon” etc.

Here’s the kicker tho… even when his friend was working at the job for him and getting paychecks, my boyfriend was STILL paying for him. They also went to his sisters for Christmas and they insisted on sleeping in the same room together even though there was an extra empty bedroom.

And idk he had this friend had such a hold on my bf it just seemed odd to me.

2. he is EXTREMELY homophobic. I mean you can’t mention anything gay without him making a comment

3. family members told me when he was little his dad used to call him gay and caught him in the room with his friend once? But his father is also a trump loving homophobic army veteran so I can’t trust his judgment.

4. Sometimes he’ll say “what if I’m gay?” As a joke and I always have said hey that’s okay and he’s like no wtf I’m totally kidding and gets super offended.

5. Believes in stereotypes about women (if they do this they’re a slut etc). Overall isn’t very respectful towards women; very judgmental. Also for example I told him once I had a 3 way and he thinks I’m bi or gay because of it. (Which I’m not)

6. Is EXTREMELY disgusted at my sexual past. The fact that I’ve had a 3 way, that I own a vibrator, and that I’ve had other sexual partners during college. Like?? I don’t understand why it gets him VERY angry.

7. Now this one I might just be overthinking and a little ignorant so correct me if I’m wrong. (I’m also anxious attachment style). I’ve noticed lately he’s been pushing anal on me a lot. I’ve never done it I tried once w him but I cried it hurt too much. But when we do have sex lately it’s only doggy style. I also wanted to try new things so I ended up eating his ass, at first he didn’t want to admit that he liked it. But the last time, I told him it’s ok to like it if it feels good. And he embraced it and even pushed my head further.

8. I talked to his sister and she suspects hey may be gay as well.

9. He seems like he’s at war with himself with no real explanation.

10. he is EXTREMELY private on his phone. It’s been a year, I think I’ve touched his phone maybe 3 times. He has a privacy screen, have no idea what the password is and have not attempted to get into it.

11. follows multiple trans women accounts as well as straight ig model accounts(and mostly women)

12. refuses to be friends w my on facebook. Claims he never uses it but see him use it on his phone all the time. But he’s friends with his exes and family members. (not sure if that’s a reason but I’ll include it)

I actually dated a closeted man before. Very similar traits and mannerisms. He was always in a crisis with himself, even if everything in his life seemed to be going okay.

There’s more but that’s all I got for now.

TIA!