Management techniques get mistaken for anger and it's frustrating.
To preface I am two days cold turkey niccotine so that is both adding to it and also why I've been looking more into controlling the anger. But this has happened before.
So I get heated at work but I know it's my body and not "me" cuz "me" is doing great, productive, saving money, talking through his problems etc. So I use a technique, like controlled breathing, standing meditation, rubbing neck, or even quietly and calmly stepping away from the source of irritation till I clear my head...
But then my boss asks "you just had a moment there" or a customer gets upset with me and starts prodding cuz I took a deep breath to calm myself and tattles to my boss about it.
But I wasn't angry. Me breathing deep, or going quiet to ground my thoughts, or walking away is me actively deciding that I refuse to get angry. That I dont want to ruin hours of my day over a one minute interaction. My boss knows me when I'm angry, he's seen me yell and claw skin out of my head during holiday season panic attacks.
This is very frustrating cuz there is literally no more I can do, if my body gets irritated and I tell it no I refuse to be irritated, that is me being good? That's me actively being good. Like my neck and face gets all tight and i can feel my blood boil but if I immediately decide "this isnt gonna happen" and use techniques to calm myself I'm litetally not angry, I literally stopped myself from becoming angry.