u/alsonbasnet

Everyday I lose something I own:
the melody I used to remember,
the gifts I got one December,
the jokes I used to crack,
the dreams I used to dream,
my catchphrase when I talk,
the pain I used to feel
when I tried to walk,
meanings of random words,
memories from the past-
I wish they could last-
the stories I read as a kid.
I have became the graveyard
of all those memories
Those losses never get a funeral.
They only pile up in the silence,
heavier than single loss.
Everyday I loss something I own,
but I never talk about it.
I keep it with myself,
Too many things i forget to keep up with.
I can’t be bothered to remember,
Yet deep down,
I don’t want to forget.
There is no single tragedy.
It’s the total count
of missing things.

Everyday I lose something I own:
the melody I used to remember,
the gifts I got one December,
the jokes I used to crack,
the dreams I used to dream,
my catchphrase when I talk,
the pain I used to feel
when I tried to walk,
meanings of random words,
memories from the past-
I wish they could last-
the stories I read as a kid.
I have became the graveyard
of all those memories
Those losses never get a funeral.
They only pile up in the silence,
heavier than single loss.
Everyday I loss something I own,
but I never talk about it.
I keep it with myself,
Too many things i forget to keep up with.
I can’t be bothered to remember,
Yet deep down,
I don’t want to forget.
There is no single tragedy.
It’s the total count
of missing things.

You left,
Your loss.
But
I am not
Winning
Either.
It’s not a
Competitive
Game, at least
Not for me.
I am not sure
About
You.
Maybe
You played
like a
Game.
A dirty one,
A foul one
With no
Spirit .
Only to win,
Then later to
Realise
It’s a loss-
Even though
It’s not a win
For me,
‘Cause I never
Played
In your game.
It was one sided
Game
Where I was hopeless.
Either way
I will lose:
The game
Or you.

My pant fit loose today
I have to poke a new hole
In the belt
It feels so hard to do
Because it’s not a hole
I am poking
Months of early mornings
Sweat drying on my skin
Breath rising and falling
But i survived
My hand shivers as I poke
Very tough
Even though it’s synthetic leather
The surface cracks open slowly
And I see my reflection
In a small metal tip
I saw a long stretch mark
A pale line crossing my skin
Holding the memory
Of everything I endured
It looks ugly
But it’s the proof
Of the fight I fought
Not with anyone
With myself
I just can’t remove it
It will stay with me forever
As a token of appreciation
Given by myself

Every day of abuse,
With no care at all,
My body says,
“Stop it”
With a loudest scream,
Like thunder
Cracking through a silent sky.
It sounds like
Begging for help.
I keep saying,
“Tomorrow I will stop,,”
But today ,
“Let me abuse you
One more time”
Opening a wounds with own hands.
It keeps fading
As a candlelight in a storm
Until one day
It gives up on me.
I decided to end this
I listen to the scream
Before pain gets louder.
I heal before I break.
I choose kindness
To listen to its plea.
I stop giving
Fake promises .
No more “just one more.”
Now it doesn’t roar in pain.
The storm has lowered .
I promise you till the end,
I won’t abuse you.
I won’t let you down.
Forgive me
For my actions .
And it does .
Now we are best friends,
Who laugh together,
Who cry together ,
Who listens to each other.
New chapter begins.

The warmth of skin against skin,
Like sunlight resting on quiet water.
The pulse in your wrist—
A small, steady echo
I can follow.
A promise lives there,
But unspoken.
It’s not just your hand—
It’s a horizon I’m holding,
When our fingers interlock
And pull closer.
The space between us folds in,
And suddenly
There is no distance left to measure.
It feels like finding a missing piece,
Not lost—just waiting,
The lines in your palm,
I read them like quiet roads on a map.
If you ask me what I saw,
I’ll just smile and shake my head.
Because it’s something too vast,
Like trying to name the sky at dusk—
Not meant to be spoken,
Only lived,
Only felt.

The warmth of skin against skin,
Like sunlight resting on quiet water.
The pulse in your wrist—
A small, steady echo
I can follow.
A promise lives there,
But unspoken.
It’s not just your hand—
It’s a horizon I’m holding,
When our fingers interlock
And pull closer.
The space between us folds in,
And suddenly
There is no distance left to measure.
It feels like finding a missing piece,
Not lost—just waiting,
The lines in your palm,
I read them like quiet roads on a map.
If you ask me what I saw,
I’ll just smile and shake my head.
Because it’s something too vast,
Like trying to name the sky at dusk—
Not meant to be spoken,
Only lived,
Only felt.

The warmth of skin against skin,
Like sunlight resting on quiet water.
The pulse in your wrist—
A small, steady echo
I can follow.
A promise lives there,
But unspoken.
It’s not just your hand—
It’s a horizon I’m holding,
When our fingers interlock
And pull closer.
The space between us folds in,
And suddenly
There is no distance left to measure.
It feels like finding a missing piece,
Not lost—just waiting,
The lines in your palm,
I read them like quiet roads on a map.
If you ask me what I saw,
I’ll just smile and shake my head.
Because it’s something too vast,
Like trying to name the sky at dusk—
Not meant to be spoken,
Only lived,
Only felt.

The warmth of skin against skin,
Like sunlight resting on quiet water.
The pulse in your wrist—
A small, steady echo
I can follow.
A promise lives there,
But unspoken.
It’s not just your hand—
It’s a horizon I’m holding,
When our fingers interlock
And pull closer.
The space between us folds in,
And suddenly
There is no distance left to measure.
It feels like finding a missing piece,
Not lost—just waiting,
The lines in your palm,
I read them like quiet roads on a map.
If you ask me what I saw,
I’ll just smile and shake my head.
Because it’s something too vast,
Like trying to name the sky at dusk—
Not meant to be spoken,
Only lived,
Only felt.

I knew it’s your smile
That made it bright
Because it’s pitch dark
At midnight
even the stars seemed shy
Hiding behind the quiet sky
But your smile broke
through the blue
Turning all the shadows new
So I stayed within that glow
in the midst of dark
Looking at the arc
Of your lips.

Is Sisyphus really happy?
Maybe it doesn’t want to be.
It just want to be tormented ,
To toil all day,
Just to do it
Again and again.
Nobody asked it.
It only lives a day
To push the stone .
What if
it doesn’t even want to
Think about tomorrow ,
Not even the night .
What if
It does what feels right
In the moment.
why do we assume
It needs to be happy?
What if
It doesn’t even know that feeling ?
What if
It wants to be sad?
There is nothing bad in that.
The weight of the stone
Is heavier than any question .
No past to regret ,
No future to fear,
Only the push.
Maybe the struggle is not suffering
Until we name it so.
Maybe it’s the pleasure.
It does not curse the hill.
It does not praise it.
It moves
Because it moves.
And in that motion,
There is something bigger than joy,
Something deeper than despair,
A stillness inside the endless climb.
Not happiness -
Just being itself.

Is Sisyphus really happy?
Maybe it doesn’t want to be.
It just want to be tormented ,
To toil all day,
Just to do it
Again and again.
Nobody asked it.
It only lives a day
To push the stone .
What if
it doesn’t even want to
Think about tomorrow ,
Not even the night .
What if
It does what feels right
In the moment.
why do we assume
It needs to be happy?
What if
It doesn’t even know that feeling ?
What if
It wants to be sad?
There is nothing bad in that.
The weight of the stone
Is heavier than any question .
No past to regret ,
No future to fear,
Only the push.
Maybe the struggle is not suffering
Until we name it so.
Maybe it’s the pleasure.
It does not curse the hill.
It does not praise it.
It moves
Because it moves.
And in that motion,
There is something bigger than joy,
Something deeper than despair,
A stillness inside the endless climb.
Not happiness -
Just being itself.

Where are you hiding?
Come close to me
I wanna write about you
Your hair,
your eyes ,
Deep as ocean
Your smile,
The crack of first dawn
After a rain
your lips
Soft as petals
Your perfect imperfection
Your voice,
The crooked laugh
your silhouette
Reflecting in my door
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I wanna paint your picture
With these clumsy hands
I am a terrible painter
But knowing it’s you
In the picture
Somewhere in all that colour
Makes even the mess fell like art
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I wanna lost in your eyes
So deep, so deep
Like sinking through still water
Where sound dissolves
And light bend
Time stops
It’s almost impossible
For me
To find the surface
I wanna stay in you
Not a single person
But as whole
Of you and me
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I wanna hold you forever
Like two pages of
The same open book
Never letting you go
But only if you want
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I am waiting for so long
I wanna grow old with you
Silver-haired
Teasing with you
Living with you

The clock on the wall says midnight
What time is it over there?
Sleep just sways away from me
Are you still awake?
Or did you fall asleep?
I don’t yet know you
But I am waiting
Waiting patiently
To listen to your stories
As if I am reading my favourite book
I am watching this moon
Which is more radiant
Than normal
and I wonder
if it’s the same moon
hanging outside your window,
if you ever looked up at it tonight
without knowing
someone was looking too
I am drawing your face
at the same time
my pencil guessing
the curve of your jaw
the way your eyes might close
when something makes you laugh
the shape of a smile
I haven’t seen yet
but somehow I already recognise
I don’t know if I got it right
Maybe I got it all wrong
But I folded it carefully
and kept it somewhere safe
for the day you finally show me
how far off I was
And we’ll laugh
I think
You’ll laugh at the face
I drew
before I knew yours
The clock now says
almost one
I still don’t know
what time it is over there
But I hope
wherever you are
sleep found you gently.

Where are you hiding?
Come close to me
I wanna write about you
Your hair,
your eyes ,
Deep as ocean
Your smile,
The crack of first dawn
After a rain
your lips
Soft as petals
Your perfect imperfection
Your voice,
The crooked laugh
your silhouette
Reflecting in my door
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I wanna paint your picture
With these clumsy hands
I am a terrible painter
But knowing it’s you
In the picture
Somewhere in all that colour
Makes even the mess fell like art
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I wanna lost in your eyes
So deep, so deep
Like sinking through still water
Where sound dissolves
And light bend
Time stops
It’s almost impossible
For me
To find the surface
I wanna stay in you
Not a single person
But as whole
Of you and me
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I wanna hold you forever
Like two pages of
The same open book
Never letting you go
But only if you want
Where are you hiding
Come close to me
I am waiting for so long
I wanna grow old with you
Silver-haired
Teasing with you
Living with you

The sun is out there
But it doesn’t reach me
The clouds hover around
I am just waiting patiently
For rain and clear my sky
I can feel storms coming my way
Hoping they will sweep the pain away
There is thunder inside me
But i can’t let it out
Only I can hear it
It’s ruining my peace
Thoughts strike me
Harder than the lightning
And it’s like this all the time
Even with all of it
I cannot shine
My heart is colder
As if it’s snowing
I can’t ignite the fire
Cause it’s the rain
That Turns it off
The rain which
I was waiting for patiently
But the smoke gathers
And makes the clouds again
In my sky
Which hover all inside me
And won’t let
The sun shine

I drink coffee before bed
So I can blame it
For not falling asleep
It got nothing to do with you

I punched the wall hard
So I can blame it
For the pain in my knuckles(heart)
It got nothing to do with you

I listen to the saddest song
So I can blame them
For the tears running down my face
It got nothing to do with you

I walk through throbbing thorns
So I can blame them
For the piercing in my skin
It got nothing to do with you

I replay all my bad moments
So I can blame them
For not being happy
It got nothing to do with you

I let myself sink in this misery
So I can blame it
For not being able to live
It got nothing to do with you

There is a house of anxiety in my mind
walls are very fragile as if it’s made with glass
The doors keep shut, lights on all night
Nobody is allowed to get inside
If they do, they will break the walls
I have to deal with broken pieces of glass
The roof is open, but still suffocating
The windows are closed all the time
Can’t peek outside of the house
Living without contacting the world
Pain grows deeper as I grow old
There is a dark hallway in the house
Where I keep waiting for someone
Who I never let them come
There is only mattress in a bedroom
Which never let me rest
Keep roaming the house all the time
How did I build such a house
Where I got trapped by myself
Even though I am the architect
I couldn’t find the way out
I might end up getting locked
maybe part of me loves the lock

There is a house of anxiety in my mind
walls are very fragile as if it’s made with glass
The doors keep shut, lights on all night
Nobody is allowed to get inside
If they do, they will break the walls
I have to deal with broken pieces of glass
The roof is open, but still suffocating
The windows are closed all the time
Can’t peek outside of the house
Living without contacting the world
Pain grows deeper as I grow old
There is a dark hallway in the house
Where I keep waiting for someone
Who I never let them come
There is only mattress in a bedroom
Which never let me rest
Keep roaming the house all the time
How did I build such a house
Where I got trapped by myself
Even though I am the architect
I couldn’t find the way out
I might end up getting locked
maybe part of me loves the lock

There is a house of anxiety in my mind
walls are very fragile as if it’s made with glass
The doors keep shut, lights on all night
Nobody is allowed to get inside
If they do, they will break the walls
I have to deal with broken pieces of glass
The roof is open, but still suffocating
The windows are closed all the time
Can’t peek outside of the house
Living without contacting the world
Pain grows deeper as I grow old
There is a dark hallway in the house
Where I keep waiting for someone
Who I never let them come
There is only mattress in a bedroom
Which never let me rest
Keep roaming the house all the time
How did I build such a house
Where I got trapped by myself
Even though I am the architect
I couldn’t find the way out
I might end up getting locked
maybe part of me loves the lock