u/alwayssidecharacter

My boyfriend just joined the army and I'm wondering what that means for us now. We've been together almost 4 years and practically spend all of our time together.

We have a really strong and healthy relationship; we've even worked and lived together at the same time with no issues whatsoever. We lived in London for a year and worked in this place that treated both of us terribly.

I left and managed to get another job pretty quickly. Not long after he got so fed up that he quit too but struggled to find work so we had to move back to Ireland. Then he decided to join the Defence Forces.

Now I'm nervous that everything's going to change and I'll never see him.

He's thinking of joining the Air Corps after basic training, so I'm wondering :

- What's the day to day routine?

- Will he be deployed a lot, for how long and is it mandatory?

-Do people in the DF actually have a life? Like do they get to have fun and go on nights out and drink or is it just work all the time?

-Are many people in the DF in relationships or does it prove too difficult?

So I'm undiagnosed but I've done enough research and been peer reviewed enough to know that I have AuDHD. I've always known that I was different by the usual signals - being bullied for just existing, not being able to form friendships or keep them for long periods of time (especially with other women), among other things.

When I was a kid I was severely bullied and cyberbullied by people in my school and neighbouring schools. No matter how hard I tried to learn how other kids would talk and behave I could never emulate it well enough. People could tell from a mile away that I was weird in some way - like that uncanny valley vibe people talk about.

Ive always yearned for true friendship but I learned pretty early on being from rural Ireland that it was impossible If I didn't fit the profile of typically attractive, sporty, into farming/cars or academically driven. I liked art, and alternative music and animated films.

I accepted that people didn't like me, but my older sister was always pushing me to try harder. She said I was too blunt with people, I didn't smile and that I was making myself unapproachable. But I tried so hard not to be that way.

I couldn't understand why until I went to college, when a few of my friends made a joke referring to everyone at the table being autistic. I immediately denied the allegation.

I was in complete denial, they were all diagnosed with either Autism, OCD or ADHD and were kind of surprised that the thought never occurred to me. They even laughed about it being so obvious.

I have a cousin who is my best friend and she has been diagnosed since she was 17. We always say that she is the extroverted version of me. But even she was telling me that its probably the main reason we get along so well and why our families think we're strange.

Recently I've been accepting my fate as the black sheep of the family. My brain doesn't work like theirs, I can't stand the mundane conversations about who bought a house in whatever field or how much someones car sold for. Don't even get me started on the Irish art of families sweeping crazy shit under the rug like it never happened. Everyone conceals their feelings and it just causes more problems!

My family expect me to act like them and talk like them and the older I get the harder it is for me to keep it up. Like surely if the kids at school noticed it they must be able to tell that somethings not right?

I'm also a bit of a loser, I'm struggling to keep jobs and I'm too anxious and self-loathing to be self employed right now and I've accepted that theres a possibility that I may amount to nothing.

Theres a line from the film About Time

"Maybe, just maybe, I'm the faller. Every family has someone who falls. Who doesn't make the grade, who stumbles, who life trips up. Maybe I'm our faller"

I just want them to be able to accept that too.

How can I explain this to them in a way thats easy to digest?

(24f) I've never liked kids, I don't hate them or anything but I feel like there's such a pressure around having to tolerate them.

I've always been sure that I haven't wanted kids and I don't think that will ever change. Everything about it freaks me out, the more I learn about pregnancy and childbirth and motherhood makes me more and more sick to my stomach. And everyone who knows me is aware of this.

My sister lives next door to my family home and she has 4 boys under the age of 6, and they are so annoying. When she had the second one she TOLD me that I was to be his godmother, I wasn't asked.

I couldn't refuse because it would cause problems but now im expected to get him something for his birthday and Christmas every year. The first few years that meant having to get stuff for his older brother too because you know how kids kick up a fuss when their sibling gets a present and they don't? Keep in mind during this time I'm unemployed or in college and literally always broke.

I thought her decision was odd because I have absolutely zero maternal instincts. I think my family assumed that because these boys are related to me I'd all of a sudden be good with kids over time. If anything the more time I spend with them the worse I am at dealing with them.

Like if the boys are doing something they arent supposed to because it'll hurt them, and they dont listen to me warn them repeatedly and they hurt themselves... I dont feel bad for them, and I just tell them thats what happens when they dont listen.

The two younger boys are twins that are only a year old, Any time I call my mum theres just babies crying or fussing in the background and it means I never get to have an uninterrupted conversation.They also make me say hello to them in that baby voice adults do to children and I hate it.

All my family can talk about are the kids, im just so not interested. I honestly couldn't care less.

I will gladly speak to the boys when they are able to have normal conversations that arent about farts and paw patrol. But until then I really cant stand being around them.

Am I a terrible person?