u/am-i-weird-help

I use masturbation as a way to reward myself for getting a lot of work done, improving myself, my home or my relationships and doing a good job. It’s like my way of throwing a pizza party for myself for meeting the quota… lol

What should I do instead? Binge eat ice cream? Hour of video games? None of these will feel as good. As relieving. As rewarding.

Should I not seek to reward myself and just have intrinsic motivation?
This is difficult for me to grasp.

I am addicted to orgasm because of the tremendous stress relief it offers me. It helps me relax, feel confident and rest more easily.

This is the main reason i watch porn. I know I can masturbate without porn, but this is like a tease because it’s not nearly as exciting. I’ll usually get bored and give up. Or give in to porn.

Sex is not a valid replacement since it depends on other people.

What is a reliable method of relieving stress at the level of orgasm? Ideally it’s something I can do in bed or in the room next door at 11 pm for 10-15 min.

Exercise could work but it makes me all sweaty. Meditating could possibly help but the feeling is usually not even close to orgasming.

Has anyone found something that could reliably replace the stress relief offered by orgasm? Have you been doing it for over a year?

For most of our relationship, I have been unable to fully satisfy my wife because she says she needs fast vigorous pounding in missionary that always makes me orgasm quickly. She said she needs me to pound her like I do right before I cum, but for 5-10 minutes straight. I always make her clitoral orgasm first, and she appreciates that, but she is not fully satisfied.

I’ve tried many things to improve my stamina and still am improving, although progress seems to often be followed by regression and often we go long enough without any sex that I forget what I learned. Often it just depends on how relaxed I am and when I last masturbated. It’s been years of failure in my opinion and the source of a lot of my misery.

Sometimes I can last almost as long as I want when I am in control of the pace, but I obviously can’t go full throttle for more than a minute. Biologically, I feel like this is normal.

She is not interested in dildos, or any other form of sex for that matter. To me it seems kinda boring and close minded, but I guess everyone is different. It seems like a lost cause to convince her there’s other roads to pleasure because she is dead set on experiencing this.

We are monogamous and not interested in opening up any time soon. What should I do?

I’ve been tormented by the following issues lately in my relationship (12 years together, married 4 yrs with 1 baby):

1. Feeling resentful for not having enough sex. We do it like once a month, twice if I’m lucky, and I’d prefer twice a week.
2. Feeling entitled to twice a week sex because of being mildly attractive.

I understand that I am not entitled to any sex from anyone. I also understand that putting any pressure on someone to have sex is a bad idea. I’d like it to be very enjoyable for everyone.

In monogamy flawed like this in that if my partner is not interested in having it as much as me, I am just doomed to be a married incel?

I value sex highly, maybe too highly. Am I an addict? I haven’t cheated, but I think about it. I know it’s wrong and don’t need a lecture.

As far as I see it, I have three options:

1. Should I value sex less and become monk-like?
2. Should I try to get my wife in the mood more often?
3. Should I tell my wife I want an open relationship (this almost seems like coercion though because I already know she would not want this and would likely want a divorce instead)

I’ve been trying option 2, but it almost seems impossible because she is just not interested in making time for it. It’s her last priority. I don’t want to complain about it too much because it sounds like coercion and makes us more distant.

Anyone relate? What should I do?