u/amateurcrimina1

Coming to Reddit because I feel bad going to my friends about this.

The texts kind of explain a lot but I’ll give more context.

I started seeing this guy in November. Things felt so right at first. I was so comfortable with him, we just seemed to click. And then all of a sudden he got really serious about a job he didn’t even really want, and things didn’t feel fun anymore. At one point, when I still felt strongly about him, about two months in, I expressed that I wanted to say I love you. But I wanted him to say it first. He wasn’t ready. I was hurt but said it was fine and was patient. But then time kept going on and he wouldn’t say it. We were fighting a lot too and he was possibly going to move for a really high paying job. He wanted to stay together, but his communication style just did not support long distance. And even not long distance, I felt like connection was lacking. And then I just got this overwhelming urge to be single.

I also started seeing him really soon after a really messy relationship wrapped up, which also happened immediately after ending a 3 year relationship that was by all accounts pretty healthy. No regrets on ending that long one, we were incompatible, but I was admittedly irresponsible after. I didn’t give myself space to breathe.

So, I broke up with him at the beginning of the month. He told me he loved me then. We’ve still seen each other but stopped having sex about a week after. He said he was okay with casual but then was still saying I love you and stuff. He wrote me a letter that he dropped off at my house. All of it just makes me so sad, sex feels so wrong.

Last night we hung out, and he was once again saying how badly he wanted me back. How he was willing to only see me every so often just to be able to have those moments together still sometimes. I said, even if I was seeing other people? After thinking about it, he said as soon as that happened there’s no chance of us being exclusive again. And then he said he thinks he would’ve married me.

What I didn’t tell him is that I have hooked up with someone since we broke up. Nothing serious, but I wanted to. Part of being single is having that option, I’d think. But I didn’t want to hurt him anymore than I had in one night.

Because earlier in the night, I had to change before we left. I felt weird changing in front of him so I asked him to leave the room. Later, he said that sucked and asked if I still saw him in that way… I said not really. And apparently it broke his heart into a million pieces. Cue the texts.

I don’t know what to do.

Really hoping this post is allowed, I'm not sure what to do. I posted in r/sexualassault with absolutely no response. The situation is so particular to my acting community, so I was hoping there would be a better chance of advice in this subreddit.

Last year, I started dating someone in my acting class. About a month into our relationship, a couple of things happened:

We were being intimate, and... he ignored my 'no' about the 'back door'. I suppressed it for months, despite being completely sober, until things blew up and the memory came flooding back. I had been recording our fights at the end because the gaslighting was driving me crazy. He admitted, on video, "you may have said no." (I DID say no)
We were both cast as romantic leads in a film written and directed by my acting teacher. A huge opportunity. We broke up a month before filming. I stayed civil even with this going on. I played along with this game until we wrapped.

After filming wrapped, I told him to leave me alone. I switched class sessions to get away from him. He flipped out, had a complete meltdown, called me, and sent a long message. Tried entrapping me later to "end our beef."

But I can't get away from him. He's obviously my co-star, and the movie is coming out this summer. It's gonna be a big deal. He's always at social events, as we have a lot of mutual friends. A few of them know it was bad, even fewer know exactly what happened. But some of them still do! And I have to see him in pictures with people and my friends on sets and in other settings, and it's just driving me absolutely crazy. I want to go to the police. I want to tell my acting teacher. But this is such a touchy subject, and I'm worried people won't believe me. Two of my friends LIVE with him. One of those friends is the SON of my acting teacher. And I barely hear from him anymore, despite having a great relationship with my teacher :/

What would happen if people knew what he did? I don't know what to do. I feel so alone, like I'm the only one who knows he's a monster. As my one friend/classmate said, "It will all come out in the wash." I believe that, but this is torture. Like, part of me is convincing myself it never happened. How do I deal with this without ruining my career before it's even started?

I broke his heart. What do I do? (More context in caption)

Shopper for ~6 years, 5-star rating. AMA