u/an_old_musty_ac_unit

Hello everyone. I am a bit new, I've only made a proper post here once. I'm also new to discovering my own autism and ADHD so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I may make.

I am looking for any sort of advice on how to manage RSD. I know some people believe it is only a trauma response but I don't feel this is the case for me as I have been this way for as long as I can remember and I don't believe I have any significant trauma related to rejection. I was quite sheltered growing up and didn't suffer constant harassment or bullying from children at school or anything like that. (In fact I was homeschooled.)

My distressing experiences with rejection seem to be related not to the actual rejections (or perceived rejections) but my own response to them. When I feel rejected it cuts deeply and intensely and I can end up having irrational and disproportionate responses in person (like lashing out or crying) or if I'm by myself and I receive maybe a message or just a random reply to a comment I made from a stranger that makes me feel rejected I just feel this horribly crushing sense of dread and I may ruminate on it and berate myself for days or weeks after. I think to myself things like, "I'm so stupid", "I shouldn't have said anything", "no one wants to hear what I have to say", "I'm annoying", etc. I should note that what my brain clocks as "rejection" can be anything from an outright rebuke to a correction, constructive criticism, or a vaguely negative or even simply neutral comment.

It has severely impacted my self-esteem and my day-to-day life for a very long time now. Spending time with my loved ones can be difficult because the most innocuous comments to someone else clock as rejection in my brain. I fear meeting people even more than I would already because I anticipate they will dislike me no matter what. I never feel confident in myself and I never feel like anything I do is good enough, because one random person might not be perfectly happy with the things that I do and say. Even using this very platform I am constantly plagued by my extremely disproportionate reactions to certain people's responses to me. This may be devolving into a bit of a vent but I just feel it's necessary to provide adequate context as someone thought I was too vague last time and I don't want to cause confusion or ambiguity.

So, what can I do about this? Has anyone else suffered something similar? How do you handle it in your everyday life? I am particularly looking for practical strategies, not vague things like "love yourself" that don't explain how to actually go about that.

I'm honestly just curious how other people found out about their conditions. I had to figure it out myself because I wasn't diagnosed with anything in childhood. For me I learned about my autism first when I started to notice how well I got along with people with at least one of either autism or ADHD, and I kind of dismissed the possibility of having ADHD as well until I learned more about the unique way they can present when a person has both of them. (I figured since they can have a lot of symptoms in common, that was probably why people with either one were more relatable to me.)

I looked into autism and it felt like a missing piece was clicking into place. I understood myself. I had a reason for why I always felt like I functioned so differently from most people around me, and struggled with things that other people found easy. It was extremely eye-opening and validating.

I'm quite introverted so I don't fit the typical stereotype of a loud and talkative ADHD person. I know now that it's more complicated than that of course. I do have a lot of trouble with motivation, getting distracted easily, and feeling generally down when I don't get enough stimulation, among other things that would probably make this post far too long if I listed them all. I don't think all of my issues can be explained by autism, and I think the ones that can't be explained by autism can be explained by ADHD, which is why I now think I probably have both.

So, my question to you is: How did you find out about your autism and ADHD? Are you diagnosed officially? If so, when did it happen, and were you diagnosed with both on the same occasion or separately? Did you face any barriers on your path to getting a diagnosis? If you aren't diagnosed, or weren't until adulthood, what made you start suspecting it? Was there something specific that really made you certain that you had either autism or ADHD, or both?

For context I'm neurodivergent so even basic things like showering, brushing my teeth, and eating enough/drinking enough water can be a struggle for me. Things slip my mind because I'm focused on something else, don't notice, or sometimes I'm aware but it just feels like too much effort, and I can end up neglecting one or more of my needs and it takes a toll on my physical and mental health. Yesterday I had a pretty bad day where I don't think I ate enough or drank enough water and I also didn't get nearly enough sleep.

But today has been way better so far! (Although I did wake up really late, but that's a different topic.) I slept well, I fed myself, I'm drinking water, and I just took a shower. I know it's just the baseline for most people but it's significant for me.

I meant to do it earlier, but life got in the way. I had so much going on and just couldn't find the time for it, and I felt so bad thinking of all the people who learned how to drive way younger than me. I did driver's ed years ago already. At age 20 I finally have it now and I can work towards getting my proper license!

Ok so for a bit of background, I HATE doing laundry and other chores and it's genuinely really hard for me, I think it's a combination of some lingering depression symptoms (I'm on meds and doing much better than I was, but I still have off days) and executive dysfunction from neurodivergence. So I put it off for a long time, I let it get so bad that I had basically no casual clothes to wear at home, it was DIRE. But I'm finally getting to it! I washed some of my own clothes and helped to fold some other things, and I'm hoping to do more to help myself and my family tomorrow.

On my previous post I celebrated submitting one of my assignments, despite being quite stressed out and not having much time to do it. Now I've done another and the timed quiz I was worried about as well! I'm really proud of myself!

I finally did it! I'd like some support because I'm really worried about what my grades will look like and I don't feel confident in it whatsoever. But at least it's out of the way!