u/angelwormwood

As the title says I consistently have orgasms from peeing and I’m not sure whether this could be a sign of something serious. By consistently I mean at least once a day this happens, sometimes it’s every time I pee, and there doesn’t seem to be a trigger of how hydrated I am or what I’ve been drinking.

I have thought that it was a UTI, it doesn’t hurt or burn to pee but it does feel like there’s this something pressing on the inside of my bladder/urethra that I’m trying to push out, and I often get this desperate urge to pee where I’m a second away from peeing myself but then when I run to the toilet only a few drops come out. This seems to match UTIs from what I know, only instead of pain and discomfort there is just a tingling and pleasurable feeling instead.

I have gone to the doctor with a description of the symptoms (though did not mention the orgasms) and here in the UK they tell you to just go to the pharmacy if you have a UTI. So I have been on UTI antibiotics again and again without being able to speak to a doctor since, and these symptoms have either never gone away or have and come back. I tried requesting a referral to a gynaecologist but this was refused.

I can’t afford a private appointment so if anyone else in the UK has any advice please let me know. Or if this sounds like nothing to be concerned with please let me know so I can stop worrying and just enjoy it.

My basic dilemma has been that I both didn’t organise myself very well when I started my “back into education” journey a few years ago, and up until this year was still stuck in a state of fear and avoidance and so unwilling to push myself out of my comfort zone. It’s only been this year at 28 where I’ve acknowledged that if I don’t push myself more, my entire life is going to pass me by. I spent all of my teens and twenties incredibly and unknowingly depressed, I just went to work and went home and was incredibly isolated. I didn’t want to do anything in life other than transition so I didn’t, and whilst I’m doing better mentally now I have a lot of regrets over how I didn’t help myself over the years.

I did a humanities access course a few years ago with the ALL but didn’t actually want to study anything with it, I just thought it would be better to improve my education as I left school at 16. I was too afraid to fully commit to going to uni so I did a year of Environmental Science with the OU as I told myself it was my only option which is what introduced me to engineering and renewable energy, and this is what I want to take steps towards working in. I want to study electrical engineering both for wider career options and as I have always wanted to understand how things work. I desperately want to have skills and knowledge, I’ve been working in various low skilled admin and customer focused jobs for a decade now.

Now I’m trying to decide whether to do a second access course and go to uni in person next year, September 2027, or stick with the OU and start a BEng with them starting on October 3rd.

I’m looking for any advice or insight from other mature students who might have more experience with making this decision. It’s not as easy going into education as an adult with no support, I would love to go to a brick uni if I had the money but I also don’t want to be left at 33 freshly graduated with absolutely nothing left, and I worry about whether I can even afford to support myself whilst doing it.

Sticking with OU

Pros:
- Much lower debt, about 28k for BEng and 36k for MEng.

- Much more flexible, would stay in my current job so saving a lot more. Also have money to do things I like and travel and can spend money on projects which might help future career options.

- Also hate my current job so would be motivated to study.

- I do think the quality of teaching is good, though the tutors can be hit or miss the ones that are good have been really supportive.

Cons:
- Very exhausting trying to balance work and studying, feels like you have nothing else in your life. I struggle a lot with burn out as I have ADHD, and it takes me a long time to bounce back.

- I would love to be a student first and that be my main responsibility instead of studying being my hobby.

- Practical elements are lacking as only have home kits and virtual labs.

- Not much connection with other students or tutors, might struggle to find internships. Careers service isn’t very good, there’s no connections with specific companies or any real support with finding opportunities.

- I hate my job so much I desperately do not want to be here for 3/4 more years, I cry every day over how I ended up here.

- I really prefer doing things in person I’ve found, I want to be able to speak to teachers and students outside of just a forum.

Brick uni

Pros:
- Feel like I’m in a good place to do this now, having been used to clocking in at work every day for a decade and I can treat studying hours as the job it is.

- Would get to have some of the traditional uni experience of moving to a new city, living with new people etc. would like to join clubs and societies, make some memories.

- Would get to be in a dedicated learning environment for the first time in over a decade, which I think I would like and might make a difference when it comes to tackling the more complex topics, as opposed to just being at home in my bedroom watching tutorials on my laptop.

- Easier to make connections with other students, tutors, companies for future internships.

- Goal is to move to Scotland permanently, currently live in south east of England, and would be an easier way of doing so.

Cons:
- Much higher debt, with tuition and maintenance grants. Around 80k.

- Would try to get part time jobs but won’t have any real savings for 3/4 years. Only have 7k atm, would try to save but would probably only have around 13k by this time next year.

- I don’t know whether the maintenance grant would be enough as I know for many students it’s not, so I might end up in the exact situation of just working and studying the entire 4 years with no free time.

- Would have to do another access course and spend 1.5k out of pocket which is painful.

- Might need to pay for last half a year tuition out of pocket due to LLE, could do this with current savings but would have nothing left.

- Might not enjoy it that much, might hate the people I live with or not make any friends. Might not even get a job. No guarantees of anything.

Further consideration:
- Full time job is 30k for part time, 33k for full time. I work 34 hours a week over 4 days, about an hour commute. Civil service, public facing, not a lot of pressure but does nothing good for society which I struggle with. I don’t know if it’s stupid to consider leaving a stable job for something that’s not a guaranteed success.

- No support network, I will need to find somewhere to live full time as I can’t just come home for summers and what have you like younger students. If it goes tits up there’s nothing to fall back on.

My specific questions are:

1. How did you weigh up whether it was worth it or not, and how did you decide that financially it was doable. Those who have already graduated, was it worth it to you? If you were in my situation what would you do?
2. In the current climate is it still worth it to go to a brick uni considering the living expenses and job market? Do you have to work a lot to afford living costs if your maintenance grant doesn’t cover enough?

I’m currently 28, I’ve spent a decade of my life working in the public sector in various public facing jobs, and have finally reached a point where I want to seriously go back into education and try to have a real career.

I really love practical, field based work. I have done some volunteering for local river trust and conservation charity and if I could have a dream career it would be things like countryside ranger, forestry officer, conservation officer, ecologist etc. There can be a few ways into these jobs, countryside rangers are often done through an apprenticeship, ecologist roles will often require a degree and then substantial voluntary experience.

However, when I look at these jobs when they come up there are only a handful across the country, and all are just about minimum wage or close to it. As I have no family or support network I am very worried about the future, financially speaking. I want something stable that won’t require me to bounce from 6 month seasonal gig to the next. I can also just get licenses myself, I am in a few Facebook groups where people get freelance surveying work just by having their licenses so it could always be something I do in my free time.

The other path that I’m considering is going into electrical engineering, with the aim of working on renewable energy. I think I would feel satisfied doing this sort of work as I have always loved electricity and it’s a net positive for the world, I don’t need to be in love with the job I just want to feel like it’s generally doing something good. The degree would be a lot harder and a lot more work but as a mature student I am used to clocking in every day so would treat studying as the job that it is.

I’m torn between studying environmental science or something like conservation biology etc, or choosing electrical engineering instead. My biggest fear is still being in my current government job 3 years in the future no closer to any sort of goal.

I suppose I’m asking for any advice from those who work in environmental roles, particularly in the UK, is it still worth pursuing based on how difficult the job market is? If you were starting over again would you still choose environmental science or similar degrees, or would you go for something different?

I did an access course with Activate Learning a couple years ago in humanities, it was split into 3 months per subject so come January I had just finished my first module and they just gave us provisional grades to apply with. I got my certificate in August after it had finished.

I’m wanting to do another access course now as I want to go to uni for electrical engineering instead, Learn Direct seems to be the cheapest as I can’t get a loan for this, and I’m just wondering if I sign up now and take the 9 months they say you can complete it in; Will I be able to apply for September 2027 entry?

Kudos to anyone who makes it through this whole post

When I was 25 I was working in a job I hate and had no real idea what to do but wanted to finally go into education. I picked an access course I thought I had the best chance of passing as I was too scared to push myself and thought I was too stupid to do anything else. Tbf I did get all distinctions in law, psychology and sociology but I didn’t enjoy any of it.

I applied to SOAS and got accepted but when it came to it I didn’t want to go. My only real interest was nature and as a spur of the moment decision decided to enroll with the OU for environmental science, as I didn’t have any STEM qualifications it was my only option.

I did a year and the teaching was fine, it’s very self taught but the resources they provided me with were great imo. Whilst studying I did more research into careers and discovered that paid ecology and conservation work is few and far between, there’s no real stability and mostly min wage, so I decided to pivot into engineering to try to work in renewable energy. I had discovered a genuine enjoyment of maths which I had thought I was hopeless at and resigned myself to never understanding.

Now I’m in this position where I’m supposed to start my OU engineering degree in October but I still really want to go to uni in person. I’m 28 now and work full time in the civil service, I wish I could just be a student for 3/4 years instead. I don’t necessarily want to do the whole live in halls with 18 years olds who go out every night, but just being in a new city joining clubs and societies and trying new things, meeting new people. When I was younger I was so afraid of change and pushing myself out of my comfort zone which is my biggest regret.

Also the equipment and labs you can access at brick unis are important as well, the OU send out home kits and have online labs but I don’t think I’ll learn as much. I want to study electrical engineering and have got some solo projects to work on but I don’t know any engineers in my life so I have no idea how to go about building connects and a network.

I’ve got 8k on my SFE so far but 3k of that is from the access course which should get waived when I graduate though I’ve already had to start repaying it. I’m not sure with the LLE coming into place next year whether I would be able to get a full degree funded at a brick uni. I tried to speak to SFE about it but I was on hold for 2 hours! I think I might have enough funding left to do a 3 year BEng but not a 4 year degree with placement year or MEng which might be detrimental.

I would also need to do another access course which I would have to pay for, so I would have to stay in my current job (33k) for another year whilst saving. The Learndirect ones are about 1.5k I think, cheaper than the college one I did originally but not insignificant. If I did that now I would be 29 when I can go to uni.

I’m just not sure what’s the wisest thing to do. I worry about being out of work for 3 years with no guarantee of what will happen. I’m in a decent job with a lot of flexibility now, I could prioritise my studies whilst working there and then do a masters at a brick uni which might be the best option, but another part of me I suppose still wants to try to have what I missed out on a decade ago. But should I just accept that opportunity has passed, I’ve had a different journey and focus on building my life up from here instead?

It’s been almost a decade since I last went, crazy. Will be going on Wednesday 21st so not in school holidays, as it’s not something I’ll go to very often I’m considering dropping £195 each on fast track passes but if the queues are only like 30 minutes then I probably won’t.

My friend is a wimp so we won’t be going in any of the mazes, but do want to maximise rides obv. Unless mazes are worth doing alone in which case I might buy them on the day.

When I last went you just bought fast track on the day but from what I read when I was buying the tickets, they could sell out closer to the date? So just thinking whether I should just buy the passes now.

Bonfire Night has always been my favourite holiday and I’ve been really disappointed over the years with how more and more events are now just fireworks shows instead of the giant burning effigy I grew up on.

Are there any in Berks that still have a bonfire?

I started my education a couple years ago on environmental science and I was on it for two years part time, I completed U116 but unfortunately had some health & job issues in my second year and ended up deferring in May, so I never completed S112 and stage 1 of the degree.

Since then I’ve reevaluated my career plans and have switched to engineering which I will be starting in September, very excited for this as I’ve received my textbooks and am loving working through the maths development which I never thought I would say.

I currently work in the civil service and hate my job, my long term career goal is to work in renewable energy, ideally off shore wind, but I am trying to get any environmental job I can whether it be admin, business development, technician apprenticeship etc. I’m reworking my CV right now for upcoming apprenticeship applications and a few career fairs, and I’m not sure whether to include the almost two years I was studying Env. sci or remove it entirely?

I feel like including it gives me more value and relevant education which might help as my work experience is nothing relevant, but it also looks a bit stupid to say environmental science 2024 - 2026 with nothing to show for it. Unfortunately I’m not eligible for the CertHE as I didn’t complete stage 1.

Last had an informal lesson when I was 17 and hated it so much that I never wanted to drive, living in Reading is easy enough as the public transport is great, but I really need to drive both for work and to have the freedom to travel more.

I’m quite anxious about driving and am autistic so if anyone has any recs for an instructor who is patient and doesn’t shout please let me know!!

I live in Whitely if that makes a difference.

Forgive the woowoo title but I couldn’t describe it in any other way.

I’ve been staying in Northumberland for the last few days, already a beautiful place in itself but yesterday I spent the day on Holy Island which was just spectacular. The priory was fine, the castle was nice but the environment: the sea the beach the salt in the air, the only sounds being the birds calling and sea hitting the rocks, no other people no children no promenade or food smells or litter; it was all just so beautiful and awe-inspiring. Just the sea and the rocks and marsh and dunes; as untouched as I think you might still be able to get in this modern age.

It made me reflect a lot on things, how life feels so painful and difficult being trans but that there are still these moments of beauty, how I let myself become isolated because I’m scared of leaving my house for fear of how to navigate public spaces, how much I’ve missed thanks to this and how I owe it to myself to try to live a life I can enjoy regardless of anything else.

I thought a lot about loneliness and how I often feel like I’m drowning in it. I often don’t go places because I don’t usually have anyone to go with, I go to work I go home I watch movies or read books and repeat, and I always say it’s because I don’t have anyone to go with but I actually love being alone and doing things by myself. Whenever I’m with someone else I always feel this huge pressure to react in the right way, to have enough to talk about, to keep everything to a schedule that they like, when instead by myself all I have to care about it me. I was with someone on the day but we split up to do different things and I just spent hours on the rocky beach, went out into the tide pools and took photos of crabs, collected stones and shells, then walking through the nature reserve talking to the sheep, watching the birds and insects. It was the happiest I had been in a very long time, it’s not an exaggeration to say it did more for my mental health than years of medications.

I left with this newfound motivation to do things; I need to learn to drive so I can visit more places by myself, I need to work hard and do well on my degree so I have more job options to let me move somewhere this beautiful, I need to appreciate being alive for the moments like this I can have.

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about this and also find out if anyone else has any almost spiritual experiences from places they’ve visited? I’ve been to Dartmoor and that was similarly beautiful, I hope to go back one day and just spend weeks walking the moors.

Basically last year I tried to detransition due to the many difficulties in being trans legally and socially, I had been on testosterone for 6.5 years and had sparse facial hair that never really grew very much and was mostly on my neck and quite thick chest hair. I had 5 sessions, didn’t notice much of a change on my face but my chest hair is still about half as thick.

Since changed my mind and regret getting laser, also back on T, and so I’m just trying to work out whether I might see any of that hair regrow? I’ve asked this in an trans sub but as most haven’t had laser I thought people here might know more.

Warning for a very long post, genuinely will be amazed if anyone reads it.

I’m just posting this as I wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar experience in life. Not looking for advice really just solidarity/shared stories.

As the title says I did put my life on hold waiting to transition and it is kind of my biggest regret. I don’t think being trans is to blame I do think it’s a combination of my own mental illness and inability to cope with life and things, but being trans and transitioning did fuel that in a way.

I identified as trans from about 13 and knew I wanted to start T around 15 and I hated being perceived just at all. I was bullied in school and with a foster parent who didn’t care if I went or not, I just didn’t go. I spent most of my teen years by myself online in my bedroom with a couple online friends but no one irl, and I yearned to have the quintessential teenage experiences I saw others getting to have; I think I thought that it would just work itself out and fall into place but it didn’t.

I had this idea in my mind, a fixation really, that I had to transition to get to live my life and so I had to wait til I started T, but then T didn’t do much for me so I just kept waiting and waiting and waiting for it to work and for it change everything about me. I thought getting top surgery would be the thing that helped most as I had H cup boobs and couldn’t hide them, so I just worked full time from 17 and didn’t stop to think about the years of my youth I was wasting doing nothing but working a dead end job or think about what I wanted to do with my life in the future because to me, there was no future to think about until I had transitioned. I expected T to save me but didn’t do anything to help. By the time I was 23 I’d spent £25k on transitioning and none of it really helped like I wanted it to. I didn’t have great top surgery results so still never wanted to be seen by people, and surgery can’t fix height and bone structure. I should have just focused on achieving a body neutrality stance instead and reducing my desire to be conventionally attractive. Much cheaper.

As I said I don’t blame it on being trans, I think at the deepest core of it I’m just terrified of change and being pushed out of my comfort zone, even if I know that I will wither and rot here in a coffin of my own design.

But now I’m 28, I’m 8 years on T and nothing in my life looks the way I thought it would. I’m starting a degree this year, but my only option was a distance learning one due to funding and qualifications from back when I was in school, so I won’t ever have that traditional uni experience either. I do think I would have fucked it up if I had gone at 18 like normal, would have studied something totally different that I didn’t care about just for the sake of it, but when I see people who meet their closest friends and partners and particularly for queer people finding community at university as well, it hits hard that I missed out on that.

I still don’t pass, and I never got to a point where I feel I can comfortably express my attraction to queer men and be taken seriously, have never been wanted or desired, and so I have never dated nor explored sexually. I am still not comfortable with the way I look but it’s become clear to me that I will never be what I want to so I need to just get used to it and force myself to try anyway.

Not that I’ve ever done it but I don’t think I’m hugely into the idea of hookups, I think I might be demisexual as it makes my skin crawl the few times I have been in a potential hook up situation but then again is that just because it’s so foreign to me? Either way navigating dating at 28 when you have no romantic or sexual experience is difficult. People are either put off by it and don’t want to be the first, or they’re way too into it and want me to be the blushing virgin which I am not. If anything I’m too perverted and could do with being more repressed lol. I’m also not polyamorous and do want a monogamous relationship, so that means in my age range people are usually looking for serious and long term relationships which means there’s less room to make mistakes and figuring out what you’re doing.

I won’t ever have any of that young first love, exploring sexuality and discovering yourself with someone else also fumbling and unsure, and that does make me sad. Whenever I watch those teen coming of age films I get overly sad and teary lmao.

I’m in the same place now at 28 that I was when I was 16 and 19 and 22 and 25 and I know 30 isn’t old by any means but it feels like a very harsh line drawn in the sand. Youth is over and I didn’t do anything with it, I will never get that decade back and that’s what I have to cope with.

It’s not all doom and gloom I do have like plans for my life and I’m trying to Put Myself Out There but I wish I could be 14 again or 18 or 22 and make different choices. I know that isn’t unique to me or to trans people, but it’s impossible for me to untangle my complicated feelings about my transition from it all.

I love love love perfumes that are deemed ‘unwearable’, ones that put a pit in the bottom of your stomach and a chill up your spine. The only one so far that I have tried is Blood by Redwood Alchemy (from a destash dw) and I like to wear just a little bit behind my ears so I get a wiff of the metallic tang throughout the day. Makes me feel like Hannibal Lecter lol.

I am desperate to get my hands on Abject Fear by Amorphous as this so far seems to be the most true to life torture chamber perfume, and I am looking for any other recommendations.

Obviously fear is very subjective so anything that you personally find unsettling I would love to hear. I love perfume as an art, a way of experiencing things I will never otherwise get to experience and an olfactory exploration even when the scent itself is not traditionally pleasant.

Asking this on behalf of myself, I’m an adult now but I had a social worker as a kid and was removed from my mother when I was 12 and am just trying to learn more about why it happened the way it did. This was back in the late 2000s and early 2010s so I understand things might have changed since then.

I felt, and still feel, that my social worker did not care one bit about my own opinion and just wanted to prioritise my relationship with my mother when I did not want that and made that clear.

My mother was abusive but I was only removed from her care when she was sectioned and things started coming out, and my social worker only discussed with my mother what she wanted and needed. My mother wanted to see me often so I had to visit with her when I wanted nothing to do with her, I wasn’t given the choice of saying no even though I told my social worker I didn’t want to have to see her. Once she was released from hospital I had to stay with her for short term and longer stays as they tried to reintegrate us instead of just allowing me to move on with my life and have stability in a foster placement. In my first foster placement I was being fostered by a local family who were lovely and had a couple of other long term foster kids that I got on well with, it felt like the best opportunity for me to have some semblance of a normal childhood and family life and I was really upset that I wasn’t allowed to stay. I understand that there are costs involved with foster care but to my mind it should be more important to have stability for a child than anything else.

I never moved back in with my mother fully as she never maintained sobriety so from the ages of 12 - 18 I just bounced between short term stays with her and then back into foster placements which was incredibly disruptive and affected my education and mental health, but when I brought this up with my social worker I was told that it’s important to maintain family relationships, without any recognition of the fact that I didn’t want a relationship with her.

So I’m just trying to understand how foster care actually works and what priority is given to the child’s own wishes?

Basically I wanted to get rid of my iPhone to use GrapheneOS so I needed a pixel phone, and I wanted a tablet to be able to study whilst at work and things so the fold seemed to be the best of both worlds.

The 10 was very expensive at £800 for a refurbished one and £1200 brand new, so I opted for a refurbished og fold to test if I even liked a folding phone and would use it. I got it for £350 and now I'm wondering whether I should return it and use that £350 plus the £300 I get for trading in my iPhone and just get the 10 now that I know I want to keep a folding phone?

The only real issues I have with the original fold is the camera's a bit shit and some apps don't work the same on the inner screen but that's to be expected. Security coverage lasts until 2028 for the original fold and I'm not sure whether to keep it until then and then get a newer fold when they're cheaper? £1200 for a brand new one is insane tbh even with a foldable.

I really love nutty things, Alkemia's Electric Fur smells warm and nutty to me and I love it so much that i'm trying to find other similar scents to rotate.

I'm not interested in overly sweet or gourmand scents, I've seen a lot of perfumes described as candied nuts and pralines which isn't really my thing.

Another scent I really like is Hobgoblin by Crow and Pebble which is a brown bread and vanilla scent and it's perfectly cosy.

Had a turbulent education due to foster care so I only started my degree at 28, it’s part time as I already have a full time non engineering job so the earliest I’ll graduate is 33. I didn’t discover an interest in engineering until I started studying environmental science and wanted to pivot into renewable energy, it’s gone well so far which is nice.

The concept of trying to break into a new field at 33 surrounded by fresh faced 21 year olds does not fill me with joy but that’s a future me problem.

All I hear is how apprenticeships are insanely competitive now, but I’m not sure if that’s more for the degree apprenticeships which are more and more popular now.

I’m 28 and planning to apply for level 3 engineering apprenticeships, specifically ones focused on renewable energy such as off shore wind tech, nuclear tech etc. I’m doing a BEng with the OU at the minute but as my full time job is just a soft skills disability support/advocacy role, I have no engineering experience so figure an apprenticeship would be better for a long term career.

I have a small amount of little mini projects I’ve done but tbh studying and working full time leaves me with so little time I haven’t really done anything else interesting. I’m quite confident about my CV after 10 years of decent work experience, but I’ve never been through an assessment centre and being autistic group interview type things have always been very difficult and unsuccessful for me.