u/annuli-amperes04

I'm still officially employed, but I basically quit my job without quitting. I'd say it started about four months ago. I toss a few small things toward my corporate job every now and then, and I do just enough to make it look like I'm doing my work, but in reality I've barely done anything for four months. Somehow, I'm still on payroll and I genuinely don't understand how. Most weeks my manager tells me I'm doing really well in check-in calls. My performance has never been this bad in my entire life, and I've been working for about 28 years.

The whole thing has turned into a really strange experiment. I'm honestly shocked. I keep asking myself how long this can possibly keep going...

It's probably obvious from my last post that I basically have no motivation left, and I no longer care about this job at all. I've been doing other side work that's much more fun, and has nothing to do with this industry. In reality, it's stuff that almost anyone can learn without serious credentials, and I'm making better money from it in far fewer hours. It's not a permanent solution because there's no health insurance, no equity, and no regular employee paperwork, but it also doesn't make me imagine walking out and throwing myself in front of cars.

To explain a bit more, I've spent the last five years dealing with an ugly divorce, went through DV, and had to fight with everything I had to keep myself and my son safe, which I somehow managed to do. So basically every dollar I had went to lawyers to protect myself and my son. That definitely didn't help anything. But at the same time, it made me understand clearly what I want to do, and where I want my time and energy to go.

Today a coworker messaged me asking if I could join a call and give her advice on how to handle something, and I'm barely stopping myself from replying and saying: "I genuinely don't care, and you should literally ask anyone else but me." But I'm also almost certain that if I said that, nothing would happen lol. She'd probably reply and say: okay, thanks! 😆

Anyway, I know this is full-on burnout. I have no idea how to get myself out of it. No amount of walking, meds, journaling, or trying to think differently can touch it right now. I've always worked hard, tried to be a good person, stood by my friends and family, and in the end, for what? Where has that gotten me? Broke, exhausted, and tied to a corporate machine. Great.

It feels like with everything happening everywhere, it's become almost impossible for me to care about work that feels pointless, and I'm pretty sure it'll get swallowed by AI in a few more years anyway.

Is anyone else stuck like this? Are there any tricks that helped? What are you all doing? It's not like I have some solid backup plan. I'm just... Stuck.