The Age Old Question: “What are we doing???”
I’m feeling a little Carrie Bradshaw (minus the whole Big part) at the moment, so please give me a second.
I’ve got to admit, I do agree with a lot of the traditional dating assumptions/norms. Let the guy ask you out, let him pay, and let him pursue. But….let him confuse you, too???
For context: I went out on a great first date with a guy I met on Hinge. I’m a 20 year-old something female working in corporate New York City, which I want to say is one of the most brutal places to date. Someone once told me that people don’t come to New York to find love (contrary to Carrie’s assistant) and I’m starting to think it’s incredibly true, because NYC it’s facing a no-single-guy-interested-in-a-relationship epidemic. But back to my story. The first date went great. He works in high finance, so typically incredibly busy during the week, but right after the first date, as in as soon as I got home, he asked me out on a second one. It also went incredibly good. Amazing conversation, lots of jokes and laughing and physical but playful touch. I’ll admit that we did hook up on the second date, which leads me to question if something has changed since then/because of that. But after the second date, he didn’t bring up a next potential date like he did before. No, I’m not saying that that’s a terrible thing, but he is pretty upfront, so my instant reaction was oh OK I guess it’s over, but….I want a certain answer.
And now back to reality: What is the general consensus on asking, “what are we doing where is this going?”
Okay okay yes, I agree that post-second date might be too early. But I also want to know….? The texting has been a little wishy-washy, not as upbeat as before, and I’ll also admit that we haven’t gotten to the phone number stage, just messaging on the app.
See the more I type this, the more I think I might be a crazy, insane lady who is gonna give this guy my wrath by swarming him with this question. But, I’ve been in the NYC/dating app game for a while. I’ve gone out on nice romantic dates and done the casual sex, and I’m at that point where I’m ready to take things serious and honestly don’t want to waste my time. He also did put that he’s looking for a long-term relationship, which I know could always be a lie, but you can’t blame a girl for referencing the facts he’s stating.
Your first instant reaction definitely was “He’s obviously not into you” but for the guys: could there be something else?
In short: can I just cut the shit and ask where this is going, or if we’ve already hit a dead end sign ? or do I conform to the age saying of wait and let him come to you?