Kind of like a parent who isn’t really involved in their child’s life. I’ve noticed that a lot of the people around me live very intentionally. But I spend so much time in my head thinking about how to **** myself that I forget there are other things to do. And even when I remember I don’t want to do them because they don’t do anything for me mentally or emotionally.
I used to think I was a creative because I liked writing and reading and watching movies and editing videos but now I don’t care about anything so i don’t do anything so I am nothing. And I don’t really care to fix it. I don’t want advice about how to get back to the things I love bc I don’t love them anymore. They can stay where they are. And I’ll stay here. I’m just waiting for you know what.
All I actually want out of life is to die. I don’t care about anything else but that. I don’t have any hope for the future. Life is too hard and requires too much effort with little to no reward. I’m tired of “figuring it out.” And I’m honestly tired of saying this over and over. I’ll never be truly happy so I might as well get it over with.