u/appleciderz_

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thoughts? :D

idk why but i get SO much social anxiety talking to random people on discord 😭 especially in french, which is literally my native language. every message i send, i reread like 10 times and even send to ai just to make sure i don’t sound weird, rude, too formal, too dry, etc.

im mainly active in a prussian army rp server and a roblox clothing server, but the prussia one stresses me out the most. i joined bc my best friend has a high role there, but i always feel like im not “cool enough” to fit in. plus everyone knows im french, so whenever they make anti-france jokes (even if it’s mostly roleplay), i still get embarrassed speaking in vc with my accent or even typing in chat 😭

AND im one of the only girls there, which makes it worse bc half the server is weirdly misogynistic and calls girls “foids” anytime we say anything remotely feminine. so i constantly feel like i gotta watch everything i say or ill get clowned on

like they can actually be nice sometimes or i would’ve left already, but i always feel like if i say one dumb thing everyone’s gonna bash me for it

can anyone pls give me some tips on how to get better at this and stop overthinking my messages. or how to sound more casual or something. IDK WHAT TO DO! i dont want ppl to hate me n i just want to fit in but idk how :( these ppl i talk to on discord seem really cool n i wish i could just make friends

(sorry this is so long and badly written i just had to get my thoughts out)

i feel like im terrible at school. i lowkey just feel...dumb. i cant really retain information, i get overwhelmed easily, i lose motivation fast, and quite frankly some teachers can be very unfair on tests and quizzes which makes me lose hope even more. everything feels like it just slips from one ear out to the other no matter how many times i tell myself not to forget something.

the thing is, my grades are okay. i have an A (90% or above) in every class (for my course averages), and it's been like that for the past few years. i also take pretty challenging courses. overall, people (teachers, adults, friends) say i'm quite ahead and that i'm smart. but you know how much work that took for me to get there? like i stay up very late every day studying, and i try absolutely everything too. i find questions online, i review the slideshow notes, i redo the study guide a couple of times, and i look back at all the assignments (i do all this way before the test - i try not to cram). i will study until i literally cant anymore, and when i go to take the test, i make like, an 80 or 85. it infuriates me because i honestly feel like im doing all this effort for nothing. i know often times people will blame your study methods, and yeah perhaps my study methods are wrong, but i genuinely think this is a problem with me.

like i swear i've seen people barely study (or not study at all) and still get a good grade. or they'll cram right before the test and make a solid grade. howwww do they do this?! i remember many years ago i had this friend in middle school who was in two theater clubs (the school club and one club outside school), plus chorus, meaning that he was always busy preparing for these outside of school. yet somehow, he was getting high A's in a high school math course (mind you, he's a middle schooler), AND he said it was easy. i still think about him to this day and desperately wish i could be as naturally smart as him - if i were to wing everything the way he does i'd totally be held back. i mean, he may not be telling the truth, i know some people lie about these kinds of things sometimes, but im just going to assume that for the most part, what he told me was true.

i had so much more motivation as a kid. when i was in elementary school, i was always at the top of everything. it still took me a lot of effort, since i'd still do bad if i didn't revise, even just a little bit - but i still felt like there was hope and back then i got to actually see my hard work pay off when i did well. i dont know what happened over these years for me to end up the way i am now. perhaps i have chronic burnout or something. i dont know.

i know i mentioned earlier that i am taking challenging courses. i know i could just take easier courses and maybe i wouldn't have so much pressure and stress on me. but i don't have much of a choice on which courses i take, i just need to do whatever is told

i just dont think im naturally smart. i can make it there if i completely burn myself out, but just barely there.

p.s. please do not mock me, i know showing vulnerability on the internet never really goes well but all im asking of you all is to just please show respect, even if you want to say harsh criticism. i'm okay with criticism to a certain extent of course

I hate that the r word has become a slur nowadays. It really shouldn't be. People have gotten so soft, like how the hell is this word offending you? You got no balls?

I said it all the time as a kid. If someone was acting dumb, you best bet 7 year old me would drop the R word. Even my parents let me say it as a kid, even though they had strict rules about swearing for me

On top of that, I'm literally French, and in our language it's completely normal to call people retardé(e). it just means you're taking a while to understand something. its not a swear/slur in French at all. Hell we even call objects retardé(e) when something (like a plane for example) is late or got postponed. ITS A NORMAL WORD. there's a separate word for the derogatory term specifically targeted towards people with mental disabilities in french, it starts with an A, and not many people use that one because it was always meant to be a slur - unlike the R-word in english, where it only suddenly become a slur within the past couple of years

Like bro...if someone (whose first language is English) asks me what words like "elaborate" or "melancholy" means at their big age, they will be getting hit with an R word. There's no other word to call this person. Am i wrong at all?

let me know your thoughts.

If you truly think I'm out of my mind for thinking this then feel free to let me know, if you're being respectful and have valid reasons as to why I'm wrong then I could maybe shift my views on this topic.

If you're going to be rude, I'm just going to give you the same treatment back. There's just no point

and no, i am not ableist, i myself have close friends who have mental disabilities. i never mean the R-word in an ableist way and I have nothing against people with disabilities

fyi the only reason why I didn't actually write out the word is that dont want to get banned/warned for saying it

Hello! it's been a while since I've been on Roblox, and I'm finally in my Roblox design phase again. I was very active from 2019-2022, and I made a bunch of roblox clothing during that time, but I know since then the aesthetics have changed a bunch. when I'm on CAC trying to make outfits that match the clothes I made, it's quite difficult to make one that's trendy, since I only really know how to make those kawaii or preppy r6 blocky yellow headless avatars 😭 I was hoping if someone could help me out with this and possibly make some trendy CAC outfits that would be appealing to pinterest and tiktok please? Let me know if you want to make an exchange or something, we can discuss more about it in dms :)

hopefully this isn't too much to ask, sorry if it is 😭

I will link my group if you're interested!