u/artemisite

problem/goal: I’m 28F and I’ve been with my partner, 33F, for 5 years. We’re both femme, although mas soft/feminine lang talaga ako compared to her. She’s not really masc, just less feminine than me.

We lived together for the first 2 years of our relationship. Eventually, umuwi ako sa family ko after my dad passed away kasi sobrang na-stress ako mag-isa sa apartment. She works in an office, while I was WFH at that time.

A huge part ng relationship namin has always been her family situation.

Three silang magkakapatid, all working and earning, pero somehow laging may financial problem. Their mom handles the money, and kapag wala kang maibigay or hindi enough yung contribution mo, ipaparamdam sa’yo na wala kang kwenta or ungrateful ka.

Their financial situation got even worse after their grandparents died around 3 years ago. Nagkaroon sila ng debts, then nagkasakit yung mom, na-hospital, may medications, etc. I genuinely understand wanting to provide for your parents and family. I really do.

Pero the problem is, this has been going on for years.

I grew up very differently. Hindi kami mayaman, pero sobrang practical ng family ko when it comes to money. Hindi kami pinalaki sa luho. We were taught to save, spend wisely, and live within our means.

So hindi ko maiwasan mag-compare minsan.

Especially because I’ve seen how their family handled money before. They had more freedom financially, gastos dito, gastos doon, laging may extra. Then after their grandparents died, nagkautang-utang sila and until now hindi pa rin sila makabangon.

Eventually, my partner couldn’t really contribute financially sa rs namin anymore because almost all of her income was going to her family.

When we were living together, ako yung sumasalo sa rent, groceries, bills, etc. Since WFH ako and she was working in an office, ako rin mostly gumagawa ng housework because she’d come home exhausted.

And since wala na rin siyang natitira, there were times na ako rin sumasalo sa expenses niya for work dahil di ko rin matiis na papasok syang wala.

Eventually, I felt like I wasn’t getting a partner anymore.

Emotionally, sexually, financially, parang wala na. Para na lang kaming room mate.

And I was getting really tired of carrying double the expenses and double the responsibilities.

That’s when I realized na tama lang na umuwi ako sa amin. Kasi nauubos talaga ako.

I was also too understanding before.

There were times na ako pa nagsasabi sa kanya na wag na siyang gumastos sakin because I knew she had nothing and needed the money for herself. I even helped her family financially. Umabot sa point na nangutang sakin yung mom niya and sister niya, and I didn’t say no because I knew how bad their situation was.

Pero eventually, parang naging cycle na siya.

She would always tell me na babawi siya, and I just had to wait until things get better.

And I did.

For years.

Now, mas okay na kami since hindi na kami living together. She comes over every weekend kapag off niya. Mas bihira na rin kami mag-away. Slowly, nakakabawi na rin siya. Nakakalabas kami, may mga napoprovide na rin siya, and hindi na necessarily ako yung gumagastos for everything.

But something changed in me.

I started setting boundaries.

Before, if she couldn’t afford something, I’d just cover it. Now, I’m like, you need to meet me halfway. If kailangan mong mangutang para magawa mo yung part mo sa relationship, honestly, hindi ko na problema yun. I’m not going to ask where you’ll get the money. I just need to see that you’re making an effort.

And I’ve stopped overextending myself.

I’m also starting to invest more in myself.

I bought a lot last year. She got hurt because she said she’d eventually split it with me once she’s financially stable.

I said no.

I want this for myself.

I want to have something that I know I secured for me.

Because honestly, ang hirap makita na parang wala siyang concrete plan for herself. OR, for us.

I have so many things I want to do. So many things I want to achieve. And I don’t want to spend another 5 years just waiting for things to get better.

The hardest part is, I don’t think I love her as deeply as I used to.

Mahal ko pa rin siya. I care about her. But it’s not the same anymore.

And ang hirap mag-let go kasi ayaw niya rin.

She also has suicidal thoughts, and honestly, that's another thing that makes leaving so fucking hard. I’ve already told her na hindi niya pwedeng gamitin yun to scare me or make me feel responsible for staying, pero siyempre hindi naman ganun kadali na wala akong pakialam.

I know it’s not a healthy reason to stay.

But I feel guilty.

I feel like I’m stuck in the same cycle.

Five years na. Paulit-ulit. Things get better for a while, then may bagong family crisis, then back to waiting again.

And now I’m starting to wonder if there’s even a future for us.

There’s also another huge issue.

I’ve always wanted a child.

From the very beginning of our relationship, alam na niya yun. I don’t mean adoption. I want to experience pregnancy and have a biological child of my own.

I honestly don’t know yet what options are available or affordable if I want to do that without having sex with a man. I know there are medical options, but I haven’t really researched the process and costs yet.

And honestly, if having sex with a man is the only realistic option for me to have my own biological child, I’m open to it.

I know that’s a huge thing, and I understand why my partner is completely against it. She’s very firm na she could never accept me doing that.

But that conversation made me realize how different our visions for the future are. At this point, parang mas gusto ko na lang magkaanak kaysa magpatuloy sa ganitong relationship.

I feel like I have so much love to give to a child.

And I’m scared na if I stay for another 5 years, masasayang lang yung time ko and I’ll eventually regret not choosing the life I actually wanted.

I don’t know.

Maybe I’m being selfish. Maybe I’m impatient. Maybe I’m just being unrealistic.

I genuinely don’t know.

Open to feedback. Positive, negative, whatever, I'll take it. I'm seriously confused.

Hi locals! We’re planning to visit Sa Pa and one of the places on our list is Cat Cat Village. I’ve seen a lot of reviews on TikTok saying there’s endless walking and a lot of stairs there. Some people mentioned that there are checkpoint/booth 1 and booth 2, and that it’s better to start at booth 2 (the rainbow slide entrance) because the walk is supposedly shorter and less tiring.

We’re planning to try the rainbow slide anyway, so that part is fine, but if there’s an option that involves less walking or is less exhausting overall, is it true that entering through booth 2 is the better choice? Also, can that entrance be pinned/booked directly on Grab?

And lastly, any café recommendations around Sa Pa town? Our group loves coffee, so we’d love to try some good cafés while we’re there. :)