u/aspiecat1

**UPDATE** Daughter's current boss may have sensed a disturbance in the attrition force...my daughter has been given a raise of $1/hr at her current and is being soft promoted to Team Leader to transition later this year.

We live in regional US. It's hard to be trans anywhere, but in a 'red' part of the country, well...I'm sure you other parents of trans children know what I mean.

My daughter had an interview last week for an entry-level position in the company for which I work. It was a panel of five people, all asking their questions (of course), but three of them addressed her as 'sir' and when needing to use a personal pronoun, they used 'he/him'. The other two didn't use any honorific nor personal pronoun.

She didn't get the job, and although people with far less education than she has have been in this role, she could be currently against candidates who have more aligned experience. As with any rejection email, it didn't state why she'd been unsuccessful.

But.

I am ANGRY.

So angry.

Why?

They misgendered her in the interview several times, making her feel not only uncomfortable but realising she was not going to get the job no matter how she did in the interview.

She applied using her preferred name, which was on her application and her resume and her cover letter. The email confirming the interview had her preferred name. They actually had no idea she is trans.

Yet they used the wrong pronouns and honorific title.

I'm sitting in my office and don't know what to do with my anger right now.

My FIL has always thought me to be deliberately against 'what it is to be a woman'. I used to shave my head completely as I don't like having to care for my hair - I find that exercise to be a complete waste of time - and even my husband has never seen me with makeup. I don't own a dress or skirt and as for high heels...I only have two pairs of sneakers, three pairs of low-heeled boots and a pair of sandals for home when it's hot. I have some jewellery but never wear any, aside from my $10 wedding band I bought on Amazon a few years ago (it's blue-green like a galaxy, very pretty).

I have been growing my hair for the past 19 months, but getting, every two months, an undercut all the way around. I can put my hair up now to reveal the undercut.

My FIL told my husband a few months ago that he (FIL) and my late MIL always thought I looked ill, 'like a cancer patient' were the words, when I reshaved my head. He decided the undercut is weird and asks me why I don't let it grow 'properly' like women normally do.

Then yesterday evening, towards the end of his weekly Sunday dinner visit, he told me that men don't need to hide their age as they stay good-looking when they age, but women do need to. I begged to disagree. My husband said this was a battle I wouldn't win, but it's of course just a difference of opinion. When I said to FIL, "Well, we agree to disagree," he said back, "I don't as I know I'm right."

*insert audible rolling of eyes*

I realise I'm an anomaly, and that there aren't a lot of women of ANY generation who have my style preferences combined with not caring what society thinks. I also realise my FIL is a boomer, and for that generation he's pretty chill, but after decades of his being surrounded by community, imagery and literature that tells him what is the norm, I don't blame him for his perspective.

But good lord, man. Learn to be a bit more diplomatic.