u/astins1019

What are things you have learned from others after going no contact with N-Mom? 3 things that really stand out so far to me are the following:

I have a memory of my Dad and Ex-Stepmom getting into a fight one weekend. She pulled the picture of Jesus off the wall and threw it at him. He sliced his finger open and I remember walking to the ER (about 6 blocks away). I found out recently from my Ex-Stepmom (only parental figure I have contact with) called my N-Mom that weekend. She let her know before I came over to visit that Dad was drunk and it would not be good if I came over. Mom said, “I don’t care, it is his weekend and you need to come get her.” The reason the picture of Jesus was thrown at him was that he SA her before I came over. He told her he was going to do it again when I left. I believe I was around 8-9 years old when that happened.

My Aunt and I were talking about my N-Mom the other day. I was telling her some stories on what I dealt with growing up with her. She told me a story that really stuck with me and helped me realize something. She was visiting my N-Mom when I was around 2 years old. My N-Mom was putting me to bed but I was not having it. She then proceeded to go in my room, turn off all the lights and lock the door. My Aunt told me I kept crying and flinging myself on the door. I had an extreme fear of the dark and it took me until about 5-6 years ago for me to sleep with all the lights off in my house. To tell you the significance of this, I will be 48 in the fall.

When I was 17, my N-Mom kicked me out of the house (again). This time she sent me to my Dad and Ex-Stepmom’s because she was angry I had lost my V-Card. I stayed with them for a few weeks and everything was great. I then all of a sudden went timid one day. My N-Mom was telling me that Dad was going to stop paying child support and she was going to end up homeless. This memory I have apparently blocked out. Kicker was that Dad was paying her child support the whole time I stayed with them.

Has anybody else learned about things that you have blocked out? Looking back on everything, my N-Mom was not a good mother figure and cutting her off has made me so much happier. I feel guilty because I was raised to love and respect your parents and what they say goes. It has been almost 4 months since I have gone no contact and the more I learn, the more I realize that it is the right decision for my mental health.