u/astorasword

Everyday I sin against my lord, I nail my lord everyday to a cross for my iniquities, for my accursed flesh seeks desires beneath the almighty and I cannot stop it. The lord my God knows my heart and also knows my flesh, for I am an unfaithful follower with a broken heart that clings to his promise for us.

For I am not worthy of my lord's grace and love. There is no punishment greater than the idea of try to greet him as a lamb and be treated as a goat, for I know his promises to my kind but he might not know me.

Everyday, I will seek to mend my relationship with him, I will pursue his heart as a lover chase for his beloved one. I shall come to him and ask him for forgiveness and to decide my fate without my trying to say something in favor me or against his judgment.

Yet everyday I am called to keep battling the everlasting war until the day he returns, he fills my aching heart with his comfort and love. I am not worthy of him but I will stand before him, naked and broken so he can make me whole again.

I am at a lost

I have been reading the gospel, I have watch and listen to podcasts, theologians about the true nature of salvation who gets to live in heaven and I feel that the fear of doing something wrong might be more harming because I won't be doing anything at all

As of now this is the way I understand it

It parts from the view that once saved always saved but slightly different

For believing in Jesus christ, his life, death and eventual resurrection is the key tenant to achieve salvation alongside love God and your neighbor.

But I think that works are also fundamental, not as a way to score points or earn your salvation but more like a proof of salvation, that once you surrender to Jesus and acknowledge him as the true messiah your mind and spirit naturally shift towards doing good in his name.

And the way I see when people walk away from God it does not mean that they were not saved at all, it means that us as humans have the free and conscious will to reject the gift of salvation with, God's gift is always there for the takes but in our pride or frustration we can walk away from it which I think is aligned to what Jesus said, that no one can snatch us from him (external forces).

And this is why Jesus command us to not be afraid, or angry, or prideful, not onky because those behaviors offend God but because it also kills our spirit and disrupt our connection to the Holy spirit

As I said, I am relatively new on this and my mind is filled with tons of ideas from Catholics, Orthodox, Lutherans and more

I have been reading the gospel, I have watch and listen to podcasts, theologians about the true nature of salvation who gets to live in heaven and I feel like how a first grader tries to understand nuclear physics and I feel that the fear of doing something wrong might be more harming because I won't be doing anything at all

As of now this is the way I understand it

It parts from the view that once saved always saved but slightly different

For believing in Jesus christ, his life, death and eventual resurrection is the key tenant to achieve salvation alongside love God and your neighbor.

But I think that works are also fundamental, not as a way to score points or earn your salvation but more like a proof of salvation, that once you surrender to Jesus and acknowledge him as the true messiah your mind and spirit naturally shift towards doing good in his name.

And the way I see when people walk away from God it does not mean that they were not saved at all, it means that us as humans have the free and conscious will to reject the gift of salvation with, God's gift is always there for the takes but in our pride or frustration we can walk away from it which I think is aligned to what Jesus said, that no one can snatch us from him (external forces).

And this is why Jesus command us to not be afraid, or angry, or prideful, not onky because those behaviors offend God but because it also kills our spirit and disrupt our connection to the Holy spirit

As I said, I am relatively new on this and my mind is filled with tons of ideas from Catholics, Orthodox, Lutherans and more