I officially graduated from university last week, flew home, and today I saw my T in person. We hugged and had cupcakes and played games together. Talked a lot. She also got me balloons and a whiteboard that said congrats 🤣🥹 that was so lovely and unexpected. I gave her a card thanking her for the past year.
It was so much fun. Happy and grateful for the relationship and my graduation. Just happy.
I'm not paying for those.
I graduated from university three days ago, flew back to my home state, and right now I’m trying to find a job. I have about six months, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to find a job given how rough the current market is. I’m already hating life and feeling very overwhelmed by everything. I’m feeling homesick. I miss my home and my family (they have moved out of state, though they will fly back to see me next week), and I miss my therapist (she has supported me so much, and I’ll see her next week). I just hate being an adult. I want to be a kid again.
I've been privately enjoying this for the past few days. I messaged my T on Mother's Day to acknowledge her role in my life and express my appreciation. She replied saying she's proud of me. 🥲 I feel like I've got something precious that I never got from my mom. And I feel like I've healed a little...like a void that has been filled, you know? And I hope that she felt appreciated and I made her a day a bit brighter (even if only a little). I'm really enjoying the human connection.
I've been completely in a pool of nostalgia and sadness this past week. My T was trying to get me to leave a little bit of space (even if it's just a little) for the future, but I just couldn't/can't.
I've been walking around campus every day, taking pictures of places and basically just feeling sad.
I don't want this chapter to end.
Sharing a win! After struggling with anxious attachment over the past week (she said this week that this is the work), our session this week was very nice and comforting. There was a lot of honesty in our conversations, which I really appreciated. Mother's Day is this weekend and she has allowed me to send her a message. For our college graduation celebration session, she told me I'm in control and can decide how much therapy I want to do. She will bring food (smoothies, cupcakes, etc. I can choose), and we can play games together or watch Inside Out.
If everything goes according to plan (and I think it should), I will be graduating from university in exactly a week. I'm struggling with change. I'm dealing with sadness and grief. I am not looking forward to the future. We talked about this in our session.
I'm just happy and grateful for our relationship.
yall I will be having a college grad party session with my therapist when I fly home. She said she hasn’t thought about it yet, but mentioned that she could get cupcakes, and/or I could also bring food to our session. I assume we would be sharing (?).
Can I just ask her to bring cupcakes without feeling guilt or shame? (I do NOT want to pressure her whatsoever).
Also, are there any simple but nice food or drink ideas I could bring into the session? Any suggestions are welcome.
(And yes, I’m coping with missing her by looking forward to the future, lol. It’s true, there are a lot of things to look forward to)
I am actually really missing her rn which is wild. It prolly has something to do with our "imperfect session ending" even though she has reassured me that we're good. I want connection. I want her to comfort me. I want to know we're okay (even though I know she has reassured me we're good. damn it attachment wounds).
I want to text her but I also don't want to text her. I don't think I have a really specific reason to text her other than saying I miss her, and I personally think texting her, "I miss you, comfort me" is a bit.......hmmmmmmm........ much.
I wrote a bunch in my journal which will be shared with her next week, so that's good. I have a plushie with her which I will hug when I get back, so that's good too. And writing this post, hopefully I am releasing some of the energy into the wild.
I hope she's not on here LOL this is embarrassing
Well, today at the end of our session, I checked in on our relationship because I sensed the “energy” was off. Whatever that means.
To be fair, I was in a very low mood for the whole session, and my therapist also shared with me that she was tired, so I guess a slight dip in “energy” could likely be there. She reassured me that we're good, then briefly talked about hypervigilance and attachment wounds when we were discussing whether I was being perceptive or hyper-perceptive.
After the session, I got food and coffee and started to feel a bit better. I googled “hypervigilance.” OUCH. WTF that’s basically me. I feel so called out.
Then I started to feel pissed off at both my parents.
This is brutal.