u/atlaxzs

i am not sure i am in the right place but i believe i am semifictoromantic. however, i cannot find a singular person that is semifictoromantic and doesn’t ship themselves with the fictional character they have feelings for. at this point i dont even know if i am semifictoromantic because i dont know if semifictoromanticism/fictoromanticism involves being in a relationship with that character?

i DON’T ship myself/want to be in a relationship with the fictional character i love and i cant find a label for myself because of it. i just am in love with the fictional character and am okay with it being completely one-sided. i tried scrolling through this subreddit to see if this was common but found nothing, only people talking about the character they are dating. i don’t want to be rude about my opinions on yumeshipping or dating a fictional character either, so all i will say is that i just don’t do it, yet i still am in love with a fictional character.

somebody please help me find a label. i’ve been stuck for so long. if it helps any, i ship my oc with the fictional character (ocxcanon), but still feel the feelings my oc does towards this fictional character. if i’m in the wrong place somebody tell me, but i have nowhere else to go.

hello there, i am 16m and have diagnosed autism. i have made this post to remind people that autism isn’t something that’s cute and “fun to have” and perhaps spread some awareness.

i seriously struggle with having autism on a day to day basis, wether it be because i have learning disabilities, bad sensory issues, or hyperfixations that consume me every day.

most people that fake autism don’t actually know what it’s like to have autism, and today i’ll be sharing some of my experiences.

i decided to make this post because i’ve become more and more aware recently how much my autism really does affect me daily and i think that others should know how serious it is and this is not some quirky trend. my disorder is not your trend.

firstly, i will start by saying i just got diagnosed with autism around this time last year. before that, for multiple years actually, i was self-diagnosed and believed i had autism. the reason i self-diagnosed was because my brother has autism and was diagnosed when he was a lot younger, and my mom told me that she saw a lot of his traits in me.

touching on self-diagnosis for a moment, i personally believe self-diagnosing yourself with autism is fine. when it is NOT okay is when you decide to go tell everyone you know you have autism and fake behaviors for attention. like i said before, i was self-diagnosed for years before i actually got a diagnosis, and at 12, i even remember taking an autism test but was told it was just severe ADHD. however, that did not discourage me and i eventually got another test which led me to being officially diagnosed last year.

so diving into what it’s like to live with autism. i’ll start with my day today as an example. i took a test i had been needing to make up for like a month in my 5th period and when i got my score, i was very upset with the score that i got. the subject was english and i take it very seriously so when i found out my score was bad i instantly began to cry.

thankfully, i was in the special ed classroom, so the special ed teacher (shoutout to her honestly, she’s the best) comforted me when she noticed i was extremely upset about my score. i am often very hard on myself and expect nothing out of myself but the best there can be and she reminded me of these things, saying that it was just one test and that it would all be okay.

the special ed teacher gave me a fidget, but there wasn’t much time for me to calm down because the bell had already rung and i needed to go to my next class and she also had to go to a meeting.

i attempted to suck up my emotions, but the moment i got into the hallway, the noises consumed me. it was just TOO LOUD. thankfully my next class was just down the hall but when i got to my next class (which also happens to have my favorite teacher teaching it), i broke down again because of the noise.

i was so physically uncomfortable with the noise. i plugged my ears and explained through tears that it was too loud. she instantly understood and took me down the hall to a quiet classroom. what i really want to touch on in this story isn’t really about the test and the fact that that was the reason i got upset in the first place.

i want to touch on the fact that playing with a fidget while walking to your next class with a tear-streaked face gets you lots of stares. and going to the quiet classroom was a nightmare getting there because i had my fingers plugging my ears, a fidget in my hand, and i was sobbing.

now imagine the stares because of THAT. i mean, surely if i saw someone in the same situation i’d look, but let’s all remind ourselves where we are: high school. these were stares like “what the hell is wrong with that guy”.

what else am i getting at here? if you think it’s funny, cute, quirky, etc. to mimic these behaviors for attention that absolutely disgusts me. do you think it’s a trend to run down the hallway covering your ears and crying while getting nasty looks? i was genuinely distressed. the test wasn’t even the problem anymore.

as someone who has autism, i find it just as embarrassing as you do (you feeling the embarrassment for me) to be put in a position like that. but noise is one of the big sensory issues for me and i can’t control the fact that i may break down over some loud chatter in the hallway. this is what it’s REALLY like having autism.

another example, i broke down again later today because i was right next to my mom’s dog when her dog barked. it scared me, and the noise was loud and i began crying. what about that is cute to you? i’ll tell you how it makes me feel, i feel embarrassed. i feel embarrassed to even have autism sometimes.

and people don’t believe me when i say i have autism, actually. i have level 1 autism which would make me seem like any other person. until it doesn’t. until i’m running down the hallway crying and covering my ears.

i felt i’ve made this post too long already, so i won’t touch into what it’s like to have intense hyperfixations or even the fact that i’m so picky i only have a few safe meals/foods. and my learning disabilities are just a whole other book.

to those who have autism and are reading this—i feel you, i get you, and i am you. to those who don’t have autism and are reading this—i hope you got some awareness on what it’s really like to live with level 1 autism.

it’s not cute, trendy, or funny. it affects my life daily and i hate having it. sorry for making this so long :’) thank you all and have a great [insert whatever time of day]