Can’t stay away from a red flag
So let me explain this easy. I (28F) met someone (35M “Chris”) while I was emotionally erratic, I did not think clearly at all. This person met matched my extreme intensity, on a daily basis. I’m sad for this dude because I do think he genuinely wants to love and be happy with someone. So day one I’m unhinged ok, I’m texting him about hanging out I GO TO HIS APT. I TOOK 3 MF BUSSES AND DIDN’T THINK “What if I get murdered nobody knows I left.”
It was fine. Upon showing up this grown man is clinging to me on his knees crying and is so happy I’m here. I’m eating that the fuck up bc I’m in this sub for a reason lmao. The same day we exchanged “I love you” and he proposed to me with a ring that did not fit because “you just know”
This lasts like a week. I have a miserable weekend following at his place and to explain the situation I was in, this man talked about being good at winking, (grandiosity was a thing let me tell you) we’re watching the reboot of king of the hill and there was a scene that dale winks in. An animated and fictional wink. I said oh get on his level or something like that. For two hours he pissed around and wouldn’t talk to me about what was wrong and when he did he was pissed off that I compared him to an old man who does nothing but smoke cigarettes. It was miserable. Within a week I break it off. It was all kinds of toxic. That night I go to a concert and I’m text fighting him the whole day about why I don’t want to be in a relationship. Accuses me of wanting him to be like “that” Chris (shared name of someone who SA’d me as a child) eventuallyI can’t win and I block.
I have a good time and walk up the street to the after party at the sister bar to the venue. Immediately see him falling off a barstool. I book it to the smokers patio where I watch him struggle to do anything. Security knows me and I’m fine, I don’t know why he wasn’t removed sooner but eventually was. The place let him drive home. My anxiety wanted to know if he or someone was not on the planet now and talked me into trying again.
He would go in circles on negative thoughts and was very very much a red flag. Cried constantly about how it’s so hard for men to meet a woman and women always have backup plans… like typing this out.. ew.
Anyway I went to dinner at a restaurant I’ve been wanting to go to with a long time friend James. My relationship (engagement in his eyes) was not even a month old and I had these plans for months. I did not tell him. What did happen was I got trashed at my local spot and had James take me to Chris’s apartment instead of home. So there was a clear establishment of his existence.
Chris ended up having a massive issue with this. Told me he wanted me to get rid of the souvenir James bought me and basically got it in his head I cheated. When it all came to a head he threatened “the end” and told me it was my fault it was happening. I went off the one photo he sent as “proof” finding where he was and calling a wellness check. Found out he was fine. Ok. Block. His mom starts texting me and tries to rationalize his the end treat. Then I go to my front door and a few of my things are tied up in a bag SOAKED in ash water. A week later he comes over pounds on the door and demands the stuff he gave me. This is the issue. Even looking at him I saw the things that made me like him. I wanted to talk to someone so cruel because when he was kind he was all encompassing. He got his things back and that was that. Eventually he left me a gift and a letter in my mailbox apologizing for everything and all this shit he’s doing to be a better person.
I bite the bullet and fall for it. I don’t know why.
Eventually I tell him in order for me to get sober I can’t be around him and cut contact. He has tried. Telling me he’ll wait for me his dear wife with open arms.
Today I saw he did speed dating and had another prospective gf that didn’t work out. It hasn’t been a month and idk. I want to sabotage so bad but this guy was terrifying and mentally ill on a different level I know these things. But I also felt like he really loved me. Like did this mean nothing? Do these women you’re meeting mean nothing? Why am I even sad.