u/avacadoontoasts

Considering daycare for my son when he will be 14.5 months old. Looking for insights. If you started daycare when did you start? What has your experience been? If you have done day care after a nanny how did the transition go?

I was home with my son until 6 months, then my husband took a month off and then we got a nanny when he was 8 months old while we both work from home so I could continue nursing (he wouldn’t take a bottle) and I love having him at home. Overall I like our nanny but my son is SO social. Like I’ll bring him to the library and he’s crawling up to every kid, waving to them, handing them toys, etc. and when we go to the park he just wants to play with other kids and watch them play.

Anyways, we finally found a center we love that’s so close to our house and have a spot to start him when he’s 14.5 months old. I also like that daycare is flexible with more hours if I need it and less if I don’t, and that I can always use it vs if my nanny can’t come in we don’t have care. I know he’s still young to be in daycare so I’m wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this? I am so torn on what to do! We don’t have family here and it’s just me and my husband so will also be helpful to have guaranteed care if we need it.

I’m worried I will miss out on so many things with my son not being home though. He will only be there from max 7:30-3 on a long day but most days hoping it’s shorter.

What is the policy for either a nanny you hire or a family you work for in terms of food?

I used to nanny so I told our nanny of course that she can help herself to anything in the house if she’s hungry but to bring a lunch. So I was expecting she would have some snacks here while baby is eating but bring her own lunch if she wants a full meal. When I was nannying I would drink the families coffee sometimes and occasionally eat a snack if I was hungry and already ate my lunch/snacks I brought. So I guess having been in her shoes, I want her to be comfortable eating what she needs but also want her to be mindful of how much she’s eating here.

Since working here for 5 months she’s only brought food twice and is eating lunch here daily. I don’t mind with some things but she’s eating all of our protein bars, protein shakes, oranges, bananas, and other healthy/pricier food items. She also started eating our leftovers but we eat those for lunches and she noticed so thankfully she didn’t do that again and I didn’t have to say anything. We try to keep frozen meals and soup on hand for her that we know she likes (originally this was if she forgot lunch).

I haven’t said anything because I also don’t want her to be hungry or uncomfortable. She’s also only here 8-2 daily.

So I guess just curious what your policies are or if this is typical?

We are going to let our nanny go sometime in the next month for a few reasons and are having trouble deciding how to do it. My son is almost 12 months old.

Reasons we’re letting her go:

1. A new daycare opened down the street that feels perfect for our family. Reliable hours, and my son is so active and interested in other kids.
2. Nanny does not have a car, meaning the only thing she can do with our son outside of the house is go to the park and on walks.
3. Some red flags:

- Frequent calling out, at least twice a month about 30 mins before she’s due to arrive. We suspect this is a transportation issue.

- Nanny has put baby to sleep with a bib on.

- doesn’t always change baby’s diaper when he wakes up. Often times she leaves for the day and diaper is soaking wet, leaving him with redness. Have talked to her about this several times

- we have to micromanage things like food and naps or he ends up getting put down very late, etc. she has to have very explicit instructions and reminders to keep up.

- she’s not great at keeping things clean (i.e. leaving snacks in the stroller, his toys are everywhere and never put back, constantly losing pieces to sets of toys, etc) I’m constantly looking for his things and can’t find them because theyre not put back.

- leaving baby’s clothes in the wash overnight and not telling us. Have talked to her about this and everything else.

- ok and lastly… when she’s on her period she makes a mess. Leaves tampons, pads, wipes, etc uncovered just sitting in the garbage for us to clean up. Has left period blood on the floor. I did talk to her about this and then she called out this month when she had her period.

- I have to constantly remind her to wash his hands before he eats or when they get back from the park.

- not great at dressing baby for temperature. Has taken him out in the cold with not enough clothing and he comes back screaming, and has taken him out in too many layers in the summer.

Overall, despite the red flags.. she loves my son and he loves her. I do think she’s sweet and means well. No one is perfect but I used to nanny when I was in grad school and I did a hell of a lot better with someone else’s kids than her. I will also say despite not having a car and the calling out she always arrives on time.

Anyways… how do I let her go? We were thinking of telling her last day in person. We also thought about texting her. Neither feels right but she has texted me every time she’s called out last minute and that’s also not okay so what do we owe her really? We can’t afford to pay severance. We’re paying her under the table anyways but informally offered “PTO” so not sure what we should do about that if anything since she’s not formally hired. I’m also a little emotional about letting her go since she’s such a part of our lives.

In an ideal world I would tell her 2 weeks ahead of time but I’m nervous she will ask to use her PTO during that time then we won’t have care or she will be mad at us, take it out on my son or be angry at us while working here.

What’s the best thing to do?