r/NannyEmployers

We have a fairly new nanny, she’s been with us for under 2 months. Overall she has been not great but not flat out terrible either, maybe slightly below average. Lately whenever she does something that I guess she would perceive as “above and beyond” (but really I feel like is just part of regular nanny duties) like wiping down high chair, emptying diaper pail or putting away kids’ clean dishes and we happen to thank her for it, she replies “just working for my Christmas bonus!” and sometimes she’ll say “I take cash!” or something.

I do find this a little tacky and off putting — we’ve never discussed any kind of bonus. We have given nice cash bonuses to previous nannies in the past but they’d been with us for a while and had also been exceptional. And, hadn’t asked for it lol. With our current nanny’s mediocre performance combined with how short of a time she’s been with us, honestly wasn’t sure if a bonus was in the works besides maybe a modest gift card or something….?

Update: Thank you for your feedback! As first time parents, we didn’t want to overreact, but we decided to let her go because we need to be able to fully trust the person who is going to be taking care of our baby.

We already spoke with her and paid her severance to formally end the employment relationship. Thank you again for all the advice!

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We hired a nanny for our 2-week-old newborn. In the days leading up to her start date, we realized that we probably don’t need a full-time nanny right now since our baby sleeps pretty well during the day.

We have had some issues with punctuality/attendance these days and I’m considering letting her go, but I’d like to get some outside perspective.

Here’s what has happened so far:

Day 1: She texted me one hour before her start time saying she was sick, needed to go to the doctor, and wouldn’t be able to come in.

Day 2: She arrived on time. We explained that for the first few months, we probably wouldn’t need her full time and that it would be more like part-time hours, but we would still pay her the full-time salary we had agreed on.

Day 3: She arrived one hour late. She didn’t message us until 30 minutes after her scheduled start time to say she was running late. My husband spoke with her and explained that punctuality is very important to us and asked her to please be mindful of it going forward.

Day 4: She arrived more than 30 minutes late again and didn’t text us beforehand or acknowledge/explain the delay when she arrived.

At this point, I’m considering letting her go, especially after we specifically discussed the punctuality with her the day before.

Would you give her more time, or would you consider this enough of a red flag to let her go?

I hope nanny’s are allowed to post in here! I’m only doing this because I am hoping to be helpful to people who are looking to hire a nanny or are hoping to improve their situation with their own nanny.

I’m going to cut to the chase and just make easy to read bullet points.

1. You have to like your nanny and your nanny has to be a kind person. If she’s not kind and understanding and personable, she will make you feel out of sorts in your own home. If you don’t like her, you will grow resentment very quickly towards small issues. Compatible personalities are everything. You will have a working relationship with this person where you’re their boss in your own home. You have to feel comfortable talking to them.
2. Understand your needs and your nanny’s needs. Every family is different. A nanny that has worked for family’s before you that adored them may not mesh well with your family. People always say on here, “My nanny came with strong recommendations but she’s not up to par”. The issue that I think some NF don’t realize is that every household functions SO differently. Different families have different needs and preferences. There’s things I do for my current NF that my past NF would’ve actively hated. I adjust based on what’s needed of me, but the adjustment isn’t as obvious as you might think it would be. You’re used to your own house and lifestyle, the nanny is not. They have to grow into the role and you HAVE to give them straightforward expectations and explanations.
3. Hire based on what you see in front of you. My NF took a chance on me because my prior family and I had a “falling out” due to the Dad being abusive. I was worried sick when I was applying for jobs because my main reference was compromised. But they took a chance on me and now I’ve been in the same position for nearly 4 years and everything is very good for all of us. Do not hire solely because someone looks good on paper but shows up in a manner you don’t like. Do not not hire solely because they could have more experience or better references. Basically, have reasonable discernment.
4. If something is bothering you, bring it up as soon as possible. Do not let it fester. Your nanny understands she’s an employee and will comply with your needs so long as you’re paying well and being decent in your approach.
5. The truth is, the more generous you are, the more long term your nanny will be. BUT, you should only be generous IF your nanny is meeting your needs. NF’s on here always talk about all that they offer their nanny and wonder why she’s still not showing up on time or she’s calling out, etc. A good job package is not the end all be all. Some people will just take advantage of your generosity. The best thing you can do is be somewhat conservative early on (I.e, provide a livable wage, normal PTO, whatever is industry standard in your area but go just above that to find someone really decent) and then if you like your nanny, you become generous with them. So then it feels like a reward for the hard work and they feel appreciated. Raises, extra time off, advances, cars, whatever your tax bracket has to offer.. save it for the nanny that you love that will stay with you.
6. Speaking of raises, write those into the contract. So long as the nanny is meeting expectations, a 5>% yearly income increase should be written in. Then, no one comes to you out of the blue for extra income and you all know what to look forward to and expect. Also, bonus’ written into the contract don’t hurt. That way, once again, no awkward encounters have to happen and it increases employee retention. Do you want to give a $500 Christmas bonus? Just make a line in the contract about it. Do you want to do a $1500 yearly retention bonus? Write it in. Everyone knows what to expect.
7. Stop micromanaging your nanny. If you feel you need to, you’ve hired the wrong person. If you need a lot of data about your child day to day, write it into the contract. Say you want certain things tracked, create a shared photo album for the nanny to upload into daily, etc. And please god do not keep popping out of your WFH office the second you hear your baby cry. It’s making the situation worse. Have a conversation with your nanny where you express that they can come get you if they feel you’re TRULY needed. And leave it alone.

Okay ! That is all for now !

EDIT:
Everyone’s upset about the raise thing. My comments have defended my point on a financial level but consider this as well.
Unlike other jobs, nanny jobs don’t have room for growth. There is no higher up position to aspire to while working for a family. When YOU take a job, do you take stagnant jobs that don’t allow you to move up? And if so, is it because you want to build your resume and leave that company to hopefully make more elsewhere? I’m positive the answer is yes. No one wants stagnant wages for years. The raise incentive is to make your nanny have the ability to increase her income without job hopping and ultimately leaving you in the position to have to find another nanny on a random Tuesday. Additionally, raises happen whether you write them into the contract or not. Your nanny will approach you about a raise if you don’t offer it yourself within a year, two years absolutely max if you make it that far. So my suggestion was writing it into the contract which has worked very well for my NF’s and I. If you don’t like it, don’t do it!

Am I being unreasonable here? When interviewing our nanny, I specifically mentioned that I have a no perfume/fragrance preference and she agreed to it.

Recently she has started wearing a body cream that has a very strong scent. She says it's not perfume, and technically she's right, but the smell is just as strong as perfume and lingers. I don't think she's doing anything wrong intentionally, but the original concern was about strong fragrances in general, not just products labeled as perfume.

How would you bring this up politely? Would it be reasonable to ask her not to use that body cream while working, or am I being too picky?

Edit: Thank you all for the advice and perspective. I checked the agreement, and it only mentions perfumes (updating immediately!). I won’t assume things in the future. Also, I should add that I asked if she was wearing perfume, which is why she said it wasn’t and explained what it was. I’ll use this as an opportunity to clarify other points rather than make assumptions. I was just worried I was being too much.

Our nanny does not work 40 hours per week. Her schedule has her picking our kids up after school and then being with them till the end of the day.

There are some days in which school is closed and we asked her if she would be open to working a traditional 9-5 that day. She has done that before and we paid regularly.

We just asked her if she’d be interested in any other no school dates and she sent us a message that essentially said yes, but anything outside her working hours would be overtime.

To us that doesn’t really make sense, because she’s under the threshold of overtime in our state. More so, we have a year of precedent in which we’ve never paid her overtime unless she meet the legal statue. It’s also not in our contract that we pay her overtime outside of working hrs.

Are we missing something here? Are other nanny parents paying overtime when the legal standard hasn’t been made?

My husband is really quite irked, as she makes close to six figures with us and he feels like this is being nickled and dimed and a total change in precedent for something that amounts to $110 for the next 3 months. I just am more perplexed.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your comments and advice! Appreciate you all. She is a great nanny and we’re always open to discussing our contract but this felt like a place to hold the line. We’re going to stick with the 40+ hrs as the trigger for overtime, but we did ask her if she wanted to have a larger conversation about our contract. She said no and that she was happy, but we left the door open to chat! To be honest, we’re still a little confused on the thinking and tone in the initial email, but no point harboring over these things.

i’m posting here as a nanny!

Recently had an odd interaction. I’ve been with baby girl since almost her birth, she’s turning a year. Of course I care about and love her! However, I don’t do much in terms of affection like kissing her. I work with other young children and it’s purely just a germ thing for me, I don’t want to put my mouth all over her face when I know multiple kids can spread things. Spoke to a friend who employs a nanny and they told me they would think it was a red flag I was as close to her and her family and acted distant w affection (such as kisses) like that. I never thought about that. We’re close physically all the time, even contact napping sometimes, but am I overthinking it? As I said, I love my nanny kid, but I also don’t show affection as if I were her parent or something. Feedback helps as I’m looking for a second job and I really don’t know how employers feel about this, i’ve seen both sides

We're starting to crunch the numbers and budget for after my maternity leave to see if my husband doesn't have to switch back to weekends when I go back to work.

We live in a MCOL area and currently have a 17m girl and we're thinking 4 days/32 hours

For anyone who has a nanny and twins/toddler, how much are you paying for a nanny and what's your COL area like?

Not really an advice but wasn’t sure which one to pick.

Anyway…do you, parents/employers, really contact the references or just ask for them to see if the nanny will just be ok with sharing it?

My part time nanny and I have a casual agreement (in writing, but not really a contract) that I give her a certain amount of sick time, PTO, raises, etc., but never stipulated what the protocol would be when my kid is the one who is sick. She has another job, and I completely understand her being wary of coming in when there’s sickness in the house (especially if it’s something serious — I don’t want her getting very ill on my account). But I’m not really sure what the arrangement should be so it’s fair for both parties. I was a nanny for years, and never stopped coming in when my nanny kid was sick (I actually kept coming in when one of the parents had mpox, illness just doesn’t really freak me out) but I remember being frustrated that I was getting colds and stomach bugs all the time.

Anyways, on Monday my kid was sick (he had been 24 hrs without a fever and on the tail end of it) but since I felt myself getting sick too, I told her she could stay home (unpaid). On Tuesday he went to daycare and I went to work, he had a little lingering cough but no problems. Today (Wednesday) she came in like normal and told me later in the morning that he was super congested and generally still ill — not in an accusatory way, just letting me know what was going on. I feel badly that I put her at risk of getting sick (even if accidentally), but I also can’t realistically be away from work that much every time he has a cold. I also feel bad when she is out of work for a day, but I can’t afford to pay her every time she’s not coming in if it means I’m also missing a day of work.

I threw her some extra money for the day after she left, and told her I would do so in the future if she came in when baby is sick, but that’s really all I can afford to do. Is that enough? Money is really tight and she’s not a career nanny, just a kid trying to make some money while she pursues other things, but it matters to me that I treat her well. I’m a new parent and have never been on this side of the arrangement.

Question for the nanny employers!

I am currently a nanny to twins who are on the younger side and just at a very demanding age. I recently found out I am pregnant and currently going through/starting having crazy tiredness and such symptoms a first trimester brings. I have been completing all my tasks and this has not effected the kids. However, everyday I start to get more overwhelmed with keeping up and acting normal. As a nanny employer who has a great relationship with the nanny, would you prefer to possibly know a little earlier just to understand why the nanny may not be as much of herself on occasion (not saying they notice this but just example) and possibly give your nanny some grace over these weeks or would you just be fine with waiting to find out at around 12 weeks like everyone else. I know this is kinda silly and may not even make much sense lol, but as a nanny I put so much pressure on myself to keep up and check off the list (which I continue to do) I just have been doing it all with a lot going on that’s been so hush hush. Just curious an employers perspective !

I’m based in the uk close to London and I’m a British citizen so it’s been hard for me to find an au pair job I have 3 years experience of childcare I’m about to turn 20 I’m trying to get more experience within the private childcare sector so to get my foot in I have to at least start with au pair roles before I move on to nanny roles but I’ve been searching for almost a year and a half nothing I’m with an agency but everytime I ask to be put forward for a au pair role or even a mothers help position she mentions my age and that they want someone who speaks more than one language any advice could be very much appreciated as it really is my passion to become a nanny.