r/NannyEmployers

Hi experienced parents and nannies, can you please share how to best conduct the trial as the parents? I am currently in Maternity leave and need a nanny starting at 4 months (end of September).

1. The baby doesn't have a routine yet and may have a rountine close to 4 months when the nanny should officially start. How should I conduct the trial without a rountine?

2. I am currently breastfeeding and planning to continue breastfeeding + maybe pumping (I work from home). Any concerns or suggestions? Is it too complicated to ask the nanny pass the baby to me when it is time to feed and then take over the burping and Napping? Or should I switch to pumping at work hours? We haven't introduced bottles yet.

3. Length of trial days. Is 4 hours sufficient? The position will be work days 8 am to 5 pm. Part of me is concerned that a full day would be too long if she is not a good fit.

4. Do you have the pay and benefit talk before the trial day or after?

5. Do you stay in the same room as the nanny but hands off? Or do you use the camera to observe? I know a lot of nannies don't like cameras and dont like the parents around but I want to see the quality of care.

Our nannies birthday is next week. We are planning in hand making her a card with our baby, and giving her a dunkin gift card. She brings coffee and a bagel from dunkin almost every day she comes to our house, which is why I was thinking a dunkin gift card? she is kind of private on her interest and hobbies outside of work (minus her love for baking as she does bake us goodies from time to time) so im not sure what else to get her or if this is even a good gift idea? I just don’t want to get her nothing because she is amazing with our little girl and we want her to feel appreciated (she is getting a bonus in august which is why i was leaning against giving her cash or a check for her birthday, plus to me that feels less personal)

Hi everyone,

I’m an experienced nanny, and I recently did a trial from Wednesday at 3 pm until Thursday at 12 pm for a live-in position with a family who has an infant. I left feeling like I never got to show what I’m actually capable of, and I’m wondering if I’m overthinking it or if other nannies/parents would have felt similarly.

Going into the trial, I assumed it would mostly be an opportunity for them to observe how I cared for their child independently. I get a routine/schedule annd follow that because that is the typical day. Instead, the parents involved the whole time, so I often wasn’t sure when I was supposed to take the lead versus step back. There was also no routine and they just kinda threw me into it and I had to ask so many questions.

A few examples:

• I had to ask a lot of questions about their routine because I had never met their baby before. I asked about nap time, meal times, snack times, bottles, milk amounts and if they even gave her any milk, allergies, bedtime routine, etc. I felt self-conscious asking so much, but I also didn’t want to assume since every family does things differently.
• DB was very hands-on. For example, if I responded when she woke from naps, he’d come into the room every single time, take over, tell me to do something different, ask a million questions, or stay with us. During outings to the park and such he’d always push the stroller, grab her car seat, buckle her in, handle the diaper bag. I found myself unsure whether I should continue leading or step back. Which makes me feel terrible because these are things i’m being PAID to do. So standing back and confused and then like i’m not doing enough and thinking they’re thinking “this girl isn’t doing anything“.
• I had also never used their kind of stroller before and when I asked him to show me he looked at me and was like are you sure you’re a nanny. I worried those moments made me look less experienced than I am.

Overall, I just felt anxious because I never really knew what my role was at any given moment. Every time I thought, “Okay, I think I’ve got it,” something would change and I’d start second-guessing myself again.

My biggest disappointment is that I don’t feel like they got to see the nanny I know I can be. I usually thrive once I know a family’s routine and expectations, but after only one afternoon, evening, overnight, and morning, I felt like I was still learning their way of doing things. This is something all my references raved about me to them too, that i was super adaptable and on time and could follow a routine perfectly. I just wish I could do it over or have a day where they aren’t there to show hey I can do this I promise.

My questions are:

• As parents, would asking a lot of questions about your routine make you think a nanny was inexperienced, or would you rather they ask than make assumptions?
• As nannies, would you have expected more guidance during a first trial, or is it normal to just jump in and figure everything out?
• Does this sound like a fairly typical trial, or would you also have found it difficult to know when you were “on” versus when the parents were taking over?
• Would after this trial day and what I told you without knowing my thoughts you would not hire me because I “wasn’t doing anything“ or would you deem me “unqualified“?

I’m trying to learn from the experience regardless of the outcome, so I’d really appreciate honest perspectives from both parents and other nannies.

Hello, we are looking to hire a nanny for our 3 month old son as I will be going back to work soon. Initially we thought the process is just simple - we pay the nanny for the hours they have worked in a week via cash / zelle /venmo - for instance if the nanny worked 40 hours in a week at $25/hour - the total cost we would incur is $1000 for that week.
However now we understand that there are other phantom costs that we need to be mindful of - eg, social security / Medicare costs, salary at 1.5x if employed for >40 hours in a week, insurance costs for the nanny.

Can someone help confirm if these costs do in fact need to be incurred? Are there other costs on top of the ones listed above that need to be factored?

Also if you do sign a contract with the nanny stating that you plan to employ them for up to 50 hours a week at $x/hour, do you have to pay them 1.5x for the 10 hours above the 40 hour per week threshold?

We’ve employed a nanny for two years. She was good when my son was little and needs were simple. He has Down syndrome. Napped a lot minimal therapy overall easy baby. As he’s gotten older and she got settled into the position I’ve given her checklist lists (centered around cleaning up after herself and my son), daily goals for my son, and other responsibilities. My son naps for 2 hours daily which is ample time for a break and to do things I’ve asked.
For the most part she’s disregarded these asks or done the bare minimum. In addition, there are always 1-2 things I have to clean up after her a day. Trash she left behind in my yard or stroller or a food mess not properly cleaned up. Just stuff that makes you go ugh after a long day of work when you’re scrambling to get your kids fed and to bed and knowing she had ample time to do it.
She doesn’t provide good guidance with routine building or structure. Which I’ve asked her to do. Lots of times I walk through the room they’re in and she’s sitting on the couch and he’s banging a toy on the wall. There’s lots of sitting from her.
She has tons of snacks and is preparing food for herself while my son is awake. I make all my sons food so our nanny can focus on him.
In the last year she started driving him places and I didn’t tell her no stops to and from the destination so I course corrected when I found out she was stopping as gas stations. While I thought it was assumed I acknowledged I didn’t set that boundary. The next week after I said no stops and if she needs gas she needs to notify me upon arrival to work, she asks if she can get gas while she’s out with my son. I give her the irs recommended car and gas allowance btw.
The kickers for me were a few weeks ago while my son was napping she went to her car and moved it (out of baby monitor range while moving the car) closer to my house on the street so she could sit in it and talk on the phone. I was home but had no idea until I realized she wasn’t in the house. She argued with me and didn’t understand why sitting in the car with a baby monitor was unacceptable while my son is inside the house sleeping if I’m home but unaware. I work from home. She has been on her phone so much lately to the point where my son is hitting her to get her attention. Lastly I sent her to his school to help with the transition and be an extra set of hands (she agreed to this) and I gave clear expectations. Come to find out she’s sitting with her headphones in on her phone and going out to her car. I explicitly said no personal phone usage at school but never don’t go to your car. I just assumed you can’t do your job if you’re in your car. I believe the school. I’ve known them for 4 years and this behavior happens at our house too.
I just didn’t feel that I owed her a severance after this behavior. I honestly thought she was trying to get fired. When I fired her she was blindsided. She said she knows my son better than me and that I put so much responsibility on her and micromanaged her and it made it difficult to her job. In my opinion she wanted autonomy to do what worked for her and that is unrealistic in this role. I feel like I wanted to be in the loop and have the same control over my child’s day as any other parent. I added some additional monitoring based on her behaviors like asking her to take an AirTag when she was out with my son. She said she couldn’t believe I let her go based on her financial situation, but I asked her to work more and offered more hours all the time. She always declined and when did work extra hours for us she couldn’t wait to leave. For reference her wage increased 5.50 /hour over the two years she worked for us. Some of the funding came from the state for her job and I always let her keep those state increases instead of cutting back what we paid out of pocket. I really tried to treat her well in this role, but I just don’t feel like she wanted to do the job the way a professional should. I was cold and pissed this week after finding out about the school situation. I was cold when I fired her. I’ll be honest. Am I in the wrong here though?

I was nanny for a few years many years ago. It did not pay well at all, but I really enjoyed it. Then eventually I transitioned to a live in caregiver for the father of one of the families. I also later had other elderly and disabled clients

Unfortunately my back and neck got to the point that I couldn't do that work anymore. (The lifting and transferring). It was kind of devastating honestly because I love helping others and this was a really easy way for me to do that while also getting paid for my time.

For a few years since, I've been helping out family and managing multiple households. I have wanted to return to caregiving but my back precludes that. I recently decided that I could probably return to nannying in a limited sense. I am also considering applying for social security disability so I don't want to start working on a W-2, have that considered gainful employment and not be able to get disability. My financial situation is such that I really need the income though. I have been helping out family for free for quite awhile and it will take years to get approved for disability. I know a lot of people, especially the more reputable employers have transitioned to a W-2 situation with payer app like Poppy

When I do talk to a perspective family I will explain this is on a trial basis due to my body and will explain my lifting my limitations ahead of time.

TLDR: Is anyone still paying under the table? Would I be judged for asking. Is the default still under the table, or is W-2 now the more expected/default way of things?

Thanks so much!

Looking to hire a part-time helper to bridge the gap between daycare ending and us getting home from work. Where are the best places to look?

Context: Ideally the role would cover weekday evenings (roughly 6 PM to 9 PM) and includes
- Picking our toddler up from daycare and bringing them home.
- Feeding them dinner (we've already made the dinner) and playing until a parent is home.
- Light household help afterward (folding laundry, tidying up toys—no deep cleaning).
- location: San Jose, CA

Is it realistic to find someone for a short, part-time schedule like this? If you’ve hired for a similar role, did you have better luck on Facebook groups, Nextdoor, Care.com, or somewhere else?

Update: Added location

I hired a live-in nanny through a licensed Ontario agency and paid a substantial placement fee.

The nanny has already moved into my home.

A few days ago, I emailed the agency asking how best to set her up on payroll. The owner simply replied, “Ask your accountant.”

Today, after following up again, he told me that:
she is not yet sponsored;
she does not have a work permit under my name;
she cannot be paid through payroll; and
I have to pay her cash until the sponsorship process is completed.

The agency owner is now saying this was discussed from the beginning, but it absolutely was not. I’ve reviewed the service agreement and it only refers to sponsorship in conditional terms (e.g. “if sponsorship is required”). It does not say this nanny specifically required sponsorship before she could work for me.

For context, about two weeks ago I signed the standard Temporary Foreign Worker Program employer/employee contract as part of the paperwork, but I understood that to be part of the immigration process—not authorization for her to begin working.

My questions are:
Is it normal for a caregiver to move into an employer’s home and start working before obtaining an employer-specific work permit?

Should an agency disclose before placement that the caregiver cannot legally be put on payroll and that the employer will be expected to pay cash?

If you were in my position, would you continue with the placement or ask for a refund?

If anyone has experience with the caregiver sponsorship process or has run into this before, I’d appreciate your perspective.

Hi I’m a Nanny and I recently found out I’m pregnant, has anybody been in a similar situation? Or employers how would you like your nanny handle it?
How and when did you tell your current nanny family?
What did you do after baby is born career wise?

More info:
I’ve been with this family for 2 years and they have 2 kids and doing IVF, our due dates might be a month a part

We’re considering a nanny share for our 6-month-old with another family that also has a 6-month-old (one boy and one girl). On paper it sounds great, but I’m struggling to understand how the logistics actually work with two infants who are at the same developmental stage.

How does one nanny realistically manage two 6-month-olds? What happens if both babies are crying at the same time, need bottles, or want to nap on different schedules? Do most nannies try to synchronize naps and feeds, or do they just adapt to each baby’s routine?

For parents who have done a nanny share with two infants around the same age, what was your experience? Did it work well, or were there unexpected challenges? I’d especially love to hear how your nanny handled feeding, naps, tummy time, outings, and giving each baby enough individual attention.

Any advice or things we should consider before deciding on a nanny share would be really appreciated!

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So I’ve seen the split opinions over napping when baby naps. I’m not particularly opposed to it.

But today I saw on our Nanit that as soon as baby was put into the crib, our nanny laid down on the tile ground by the crib and slept there for 45 minutes. Baby was calm but not really sleeping for a lot of the time, just rolling around, sitting up, whatever. Once nanny woke up, she popped up and got baby up even though he was finally settling into a nap.

This is following closely on the heels of me coming home from work last month to find nanny napping on the floor in the play pen with baby while baby was awake. And she was not quick to wake up. Obviously sleeping while baby is awake is not ok. Tried to write that off as a one-off event. But now with this weird nap today, I’m finding it hard to trust that she’s awake when she’s supposed to be and the nanny cam isn’t around.

Anyone encountered a similar situation or have any input here? She otherwise completes the couple chores of picking up play areas and washing bottles. Baby seems happy to see her and is happy when we get home from work. No safety issues have happened but I’m starting like it’s when, not if, something will happen.

Contract advice. How would you feel if a nanny asked to use her unused sick days as PTO? Meaning, if she didn’t call off at all in a year, or take a sick day for appointments, etc, would you consider that five days as an extra five she could request for travel?

I'm in a similar situation to the one from the Denver family posted here last week. We live in a HCOL area, and we have one daughter who is now 6. We've had our nanny since she was 4 months old. Our nanny had no prior experience in childcare, but we did already know her, and she's been our only nanny. We all love her, she loves our daughter, and everything is great. She's amazing at her job, and even the other parents and other nannies say how wonderful she is. I'm also writing this with the knowledge that our nanny uses reddit, so it's possible she will see this. If so - we love you, and I will try to be as objective and fair as I can be here. This is not to vent or ask for people to take our side. We are genuinely stumped at this situation.

Up until recently, we were paying her a rate of $32. My wife works 4 days a week so we only need her for 4 days, for 32 hour weeks. She gets 2 weeks PTO, plus whatever holidays we take ourselves, so that usually comes out to about 4 weeks, plus holidays, and unlimited sick days. I've never denied a time off request because I work from home and can be flexible. Now that our daughter is in school and camp, her hours are later in the day, but she's still here for a few hours before our daughter gets home.

As our daughter has gotten older, we have asked the nanny if she was willing to take on some housework duties to fill the empty time while our daughter wasn't home and there was no other childcare related work to do. She agreed, but this has created some tension over the years. Partly due to our own complacency (mine mostly), she gradually took on more housekeeping work than she expected, and essentially became a full housekeeper as well. This was never our intention, but she is the type of person to see something that needs to be done and just do it. She's not going to see a mess and just say "not my job". Having the house clean so regularly made us a bit lax and she has felt inadequately compensated for the work, as well as unappreciated. I fully accept the blame for letting the situation get out of hand, but I do wonder why she didn't feel she could come to us about it sooner.

Our nanny approached us recently to address this issue. She wanted either a substantial raise, $40 / hr, to cover the housework, or to cut back to solely childcare related duties. I apologized for letting the housework become overbearing, and we offered an immediate raise to $35, and to work on finding a reduced explicit list of housework to be expected. I also told her effective immediately that we will do all of our own laundry and I will work to keep things tidier in general, especially the kitchen. Our understanding (my wife and I) was that the raise was the first half of a compromise where we could increase pay a bit, and reduce the housework, to sort of meet in the middle. Unfortunately, a few days later she told me that her understanding was that the raise from 32 to 35 was just for nannying, and we need to increase her rate further to get any housework at all.

We do have a housekeeping service that we can use, but we aren't on a regular schedule with them. Our whole house costs $380 for them to clean. If our nanny stopped doing housework, getting the housekeeping service as regularly as we'd need would cost just as much as giving the nanny a $5 raise, and honestly I'd rather give her the money than pay a separate service, as long as she's willing to do the work (she is, I believe).

We simply cannot afford $40 / hr. My wife and I are both well paid, but this is a HCOL area. We are already not saving any money month to month. I've spent the past two weeks looking at our finances to see what we can do, even asked my boss for a raise. We can't simply not have the house clean, and we don't have time to do it ourselves. We also don't want to lose our nanny - it would be devastating for all of us, especially our daughter. Our nanny has said she can't have any reduction in hours either, that if we had to do that she would have to leave and find another job.

There also seems to be a significant difference of perspective between us and our nanny. Now that our daughter is older and out of the house so much, there will always be downtime in a 32 hour work week where there's nothing childcare related to do. My perspective is that, if for example there are 26 hours of the week where there is nanny related work to do, and 6 hours where there isn't, that I am offering $35/hr for 26 hours as a nanny, and $35/hr for 6 hrs per week as a housekeeper. If she can't have her hours reduced, we can't pay her to sit around doing nothing (and she agreed she absolutely wouldn't do that and has said she doesn't want a handout) so it seemed reasonable to ask her to fill that time with housework. Her perspective seems to be, if I understand correctly, that asking her to wear two hats and do multiple jobs demands a higher pay. I'd understand that if we were asking her to do both jobs at the same time, cramming more hours worth of work into a shorter shift. If my boss asked me to take on more work I'd ask for a raise too. But it's never our intention to have her nanny and clean the house simultaneously. She said she has been doing this a bit - dishes while our daughter is eating, folding laundry while she's playing - but that much seems to be under ordinary "light housework" that many nannies do. If she has ever been doing more than that at once, it's something we never asked her to do.

On top of all of that... $35 already seems like a generous rate, even in our area, especially considering we only have one child who's going into first grade. I scoured around online trying to find anything supporting her numbers and it was very difficult. High 20's seems normal for one child with no housework. We asked our daughter's best friend's mother what they pay their nanny for 2 kids - $27. And she does do housework too like cleaning floors and laundry, although like us, they never made it a formal part of the contract. My brother-in-law lives nearby, in an even higher COL town, larger house, and he has 3 kids. He also pays his nanny under $30, but I believe he probably hires a housekeeping service. I think our nanny got the $40/hr figure from a recruiter, but I'm not sure. At this point I'm at a total loss for what to do.

So TLDR;

1. Nanny works 32 hours per week at $35 / hr (was $32 until recently), for 1 kid in school, HCOL area.

2. She can't accept any reduction in hours, so there will definitely be downtime during the week.

3. She won't, as far as I understand, do any housework without a further raise to around 40, but also, we aren't going to pay her to do nothing, and she doesn't want to sit and do nothing anyway.

4. This leaves us, I believe, having to invent 6 to 8 hours worth of extra childcare related work to do, or pay her the raise we can't afford, or hire a housekeeping service that would cost just as much so we still can't afford it.

Does anyone have a referral they can share? Feel free to send via message as I think most codes only work once?

We have never had a nanny before so we used a local agency to help find one. It’s been 4 weeks, so it’s still very new, and the nanny is only part time T/W/THRS. She makes $31 and cares for our 19 week old. I don’t want to nitpick someone who I think is taking good care of my child and I know it can be uncomfortable having a parent in the house while working but I am noticing that she has the TV on a lot for herself, such as World Cup games or will be looking at something on her phone while with baby. If it was while LO was napping, I wouldn’t mind at all but I’m worried about the screen time— what would be the best way to approach this?

In all honesty, I feel a little uncomfortable being an employer. The nanny is quite a bit older than me but I think I also need to be more direct.

** Edit: Thank you for the feedback! I put on my big girl pants and told her no more screens while baby is awake. She just said okay and didn't seem to have much of a reaction. If I continue to notice it as a problem, I'll remind her and then reach out to the agency if needed!

I was reading a discussion about whether it’s acceptable for a nanny to nap while the child is sleeping, and there seemed to be a lot of agreement from Nannies that it’s a common and reasonable practice.

That made me curious what other nanny employers think. If your child is down for a nap during a regular daytime shift, are you comfortable with your nanny sleeping as well, or do you expect them to stay awake and available during their shift?

ETA: Thanks for all the NPs who participated! I requested that the post be locked due to so many Nannies seemingly being incapable of respecting the flair, as well as mods refusing to properly moderate the thread. Hopefully this is not an indication of either groups general ability to follow simple directions.

It seems that, overwhelmingly, employers do not want their Nannies napping at work, with some making allowances for extenuating circumstances.

I have had a young nanny for 4 months for my 14 month old. We are quite liberal usually for most reasonable things but had a clear rule of NO POSTING ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

She does take my baby out for walks and to some classes so I knew she sometimes clicks her pictures. However today , she left her phone on the countertop which she forgot to shut and the screen has my baby girl’s video on the Snapchat app. Now I am too old for these apps, I am not even on social media , but I anyways considered Snapchat the worst of all given the genesis of the app.

Now she claims that she only used the app to click pictures and not to send anyone. And while I did trust her up to this point (she is an okay nanny - and we were deliberating replacing her anyway) , but now I just can’t trust her at all. I feel like terminating her right away. She left an hour and a half ago after I asked her to leave for the day after confronting her (something that I am not good at anyways) , but there isn’t even an apology message.

Am I overreacting ???? Even if she didn’t send the pic to anyone ?? I don’t know !!

EDIT: My Reddit community ALWAYS comes to my rescue. Really appreciative you all giving me your perspectives. I did absorb it all and here is what I did today - I went on a walk with my nanny and had a chat with her - I told her while I trust that she means it when she says she never posted my baby’s pictures but I wish she was more thoughtful of seeking my permission for using the app especially since we had a very strict NO SOCIAL MEDIA rule. Due to my very strong personal stance on social media , this lapse of judgement unlocked a new fear in my head as a new mommy that would be very difficult for me to shake off . She had tears and I felt bad so I gave her a day off to cool down and let me know if she wanted to start her 30 day notice period with me, where I’ll introduce some rules but also ensure that there is no awkwardness since I don’t doubt her love and care for my baby. I did bring up the other reasons I had as well. She said she will let me know tonight whether she wants to continue or not !

I am from California and I recently left my position to seek another nanny role that would fit my needs. I matched with a family through a consulting agency and did several trial days. They made the offer to come back and work full-time, but 3 days into the position they told me I wasn’t needed. They cancelled my shift this morning and told me that an old nanny that quit years ago is coming back. I turned down other offers and those roles are now filled.

Hi, we have a wonderful and hardworking nanny who’s been with us for two years. So far this year (2026) she has taken a total of 7 sick days (over 4 separate occasions). We live in a country where workers are entitled to unlimited paid sick days.

I trust her completely and don’t think she’s ever faked being sick to have a day off, however I just wonder whether we have a different idea of what constitutes a sick day? In my opinion if you’re so sick that you need to stay in bed all day (fever, stomach bug) then that warrants a sick day. However if you have some minor aches (headache, stomach ache) or minor flu symptoms (sore throat, runny nose) this shouldn’t warrant a sick day.

What do you think? Am I unreasonable in thinking this? How can I approach this subject with her to make sure we’re on the same page about what constitutes a sick day? Any ideas on incentivising her to not take sick days when it’s just a minor thing?