r/NannyEmployers

I’m looking for an honest reality check from parents— especially people who have had in-home childcare. I’m not looking for people to automatically take my side.
My daughter is 4 months old and we have a nanny who works weekdays. I actually want her to take my daughter outside when the weather is nice. I don’t want my baby sitting inside all day, so I’m not opposed to walks/outdoor time in general.
Today, my nanny had been outside with my daughter for about two hours. She texted me asking if I could bring a bottle because she wanted to feed the baby and let her sleep outside. I told her I’d rather they come home, and I went outside to meet them.
When I got there, I saw my nanny walking with her husband and my daughter. Her husband then got into his car and left.
The nanny later told me that he had only come by to bring her sunglasses.
I have no way of knowing whether he really was only there briefly or whether he had been walking with them for a while. I also don’t want to accuse her of lying when I don’t actually know.
My concern is more about the boundary: I’m paying the nanny to care for my daughter, and I’m uncomfortable with her husband (or anyone else) accompanying them during her working hours without me knowing or agreeing to it.
At the same time, I don’t want to be unreasonable or micromanage her. I want my daughter to be able to go for walks and enjoy being outside.
Would you consider this a normal/innocent situation, or would you consider it a boundary violation? And how would you handle it with the nanny going forward?
For context, there have been no other major issues with her. I’m mainly trying to figure out whether I should simply establish a clearer boundary or whether this is something I should be more concerned about.

New to having a nanny. She uses those fragrance beads in her own laundry and she uses A LOT so her clothes are very very strongly fragrant. I WFH and I can smell when she is coming down the stairs from the second floor before she even reaches the first floor. At the end of the day the house starts to smell like the fragrance beads were poured out everywhere . Every time she hands me back my baby, the smell is so so overwhelming too.

When we interviewed it must’ve been before she started using those laundry beads. Idk how to address this because it’s truly so strong idk how she doesn’t have a headache, I do just from the second hand smell🙈😭

FTM with a three month old and our nanny started three days ago. I work hybrid so sometimes I’m home. Every time I step out of the home office the nanny is on her phone scrolling (while holding baby at least). I know there’s not a tooooon for a 3 month old to do so would it be weird to ask her not to be on her phone so much?

She gets paid well and the reference she gave me all said she was great and never mentioned this was an issue so maybe it’s normal?

I’m seeing so many different things and want to make sure that I compensate our nanny appropriately. I’m in a share with one other family. Is the 40 hours for overtime from our family affected by hours where the nanny is watching the other family’s children solo? So if we have 25 combined hours, 10 hours separate with our family, and 10 hours separate with the other family — would that be 5 hours of OT needing accounted for? Thank you so much in advance!

We've had a wonderful nanny for the last year. She's become like part of the family, our children adore her, and she's been helpful in our home in ways I never even knew possible. She recently began experiencing severe OCD-induced panic attacks, to the point where she has been unable to reliably care for our two kids. She did already take some time off to try an intensive treatment, but she is still struggling. Our state provides paid medical leave, which she is going to take for 12 weeks to pursue different treatments and focus on her mental health. By law, her job is guaranteed upon her return from leave.

• Has anyone been in this position? If so, how did you handle it?
• How did you determine if the nanny was ready to return to work?
• How did you approach care while nanny was on leave?
• Are there any legal considerations we should be aware of?

It's such a difficult situation. I want the best for her, and our family needs reliability and stability in care. In a perfect world, she would take time and get better, then return to work for us and all would be well. I do worry, however, that we'll go through this disruption now only to land back in the same position when she returns. I welcome any advice from those who have been here.

I found out I was pregnant back in June. I spilled the beans pretty early to my MB just because of the symptoms I was experiencing. I appreciate them keeping me around but MB has been hinting at an idea of when I’d probably have to quit. My NK’s are 7mo and 2.5yo. Has anyone been a nanny while pregnant? I have a feeling it may become challenging to continue with 2 kids while my pregnancy progresses. Am I being unfair keeping my job knowing it’s temporary?

I got upset at this, but my friend said my child was not in actual danger. Nanny propped open pool fence to let our dog go in and out of the pool while she is playing on other side of yard with our toddler. If you start on second 13, you'll see my child runs into the pool area and the nanny is running after her. Friend said the nanny was "aware" and "right there". I'm totally open to being told this was not a super big deal, and we do love our dog, but I didnt like this and I told her to never prop open the gate door. [ring video ](https://ring.com/share/fd83eb51-1e62-400e-95ca-374c0ceb53d9)

We’ve made the decision to move to a higher cost of living area and our mortgage is almost doubling. The location of our move is right around tons of family and we’ve found a childcare center that is more than half of what we pay our nanny. It also almost doubles her commute and while I think she’d make the drive for a short period of time, I don’t see her committing to this long term.

Due to the finances of our move we have to let her go starting November 1st. I did have a conversation with her a few months ago about lowering her employment to part time in the New Year and we’ve been talking about moving to this location for awhile now so she definitely won’t be too surprised, but I do think she’ll be surprised that we cannot offer any additional employment beyond October.

Shes been with us for 3 years and I am very sad we’ve had to make this decision but it is what’s best for our family long term. I’ll note that we really love her like family and I want to be sure the relationship can extend beyond her employment - my kids love her and she loves them so it will be a hard transition.

If I tell her ASAP, is this enough time notice? I wish I could give her another month or two but we’ve looked the numbers over multiple times and there’s just no way we can make her employment work once we move.

Our nanny has been with us for almost 2 months and asked if she could stay in our guest bedroom for about 2 weeks while she's between rentals. We like her and are open to helping, although I don't fully understand the logistics of her move yet. I will confirm these details before agreeing to anything.

My husband is hesitant about privacy and boundaries since we've never had anyone besides family stay with us. Having an employee in our home during evenings/weekends would definitely be an adjustment.

I'm also wondering about pay. She's currently a full-time live-out nanny. Would you keep her normal rate and consider the housing a favor, or is it reasonable to temporarily adjust her rate since we'd be providing housing/utilities? Her hours and responsibilities would stay exactly the same—we wouldn't expect her to be available outside work hours.

Has anyone done something similar? How did you handle pay, privacy, and boundaries, and would you do it again?

Edit: Thank you for all the replies. Sounds like it's an overwhelming no from the community. My heart was telling me I should consider it because I have the capacity to help someone. However, everyone's thoughtful questions and sound explanations, it has really grounded me. Maintaining profession boundaries is important, so we will be declining this ask.

I found a great nanny who I can fully depend on and everything was going great till 3 weeks ago. She started calling in last minute with health related issues and taking 2 days off per week. She used up all her paid time and now is getting unpaid.

I’m a working mom and have intense work hours, it is very hard to manage both at the same time. Now she says she is not able to sustain the hours which is 7 hrs a day 5 days a week. All this while taking other jobs like late night nanny jobs even though this is her full time W2 job.

I find that she is unprofessional for taking up the job - we have a year contract and now saying this after being 2 months in. I’m tempted to start looking for a new nanny or just put my child in day care. I have an easy baby and the nanny has said it herself. I don’t know what is the right thing to do at this point!

Hi everyone. I am a ftm with a 13m old. My husband has been working from home the past year and has recently returned to the office. As such, I have need of a babysitter a couple times a week to go to the gym. However, the anxiety and guilt and fear I have that she'll be intentionally or unintentionally hurt by a caregiver has become utterly too much to bear. We don't have any family nearby or available friends to watch her for a couple of hours here and there. I am finding women on care.com and reference checking and tried Facebook groups etc etc. Not only is no one really incredible but I just can't get over this debilitating anxiety that she'll be abused in some way. We have cameras, and I am only going away for a couple hours. We've been trying one gal and she's not great at following instructions to the T but she doesn't seem like a bad person and her references checked out and I had her sign and read a lot of documentation and copied her passport. But I just... can't get over these gripping fears.

How do you do it? Find a babysitter, and trust them?

*to note, we initially set out to get a nanny for $20-25/hour for 16 hours a week but feel so incredibly confused about how to build trust with a stranger to cover such big chunks of our daughters day, so we've reduced expectations/goals to absolute bare minimum

My 10month old is very attached and doesn’t like people since I work from home. I need to explore child care. Would any of you please tell me if you prefer nanny or child care centers? And why?

Hi everyone I’m going to an interview tomorrow for a part time position and so far this year I have been either ghosted or someone else has been hired over me. I really want this position so badly, nanny families what do you look for in a nanny and how can I stand out from everyone else?

I have a nanny who we ADORE, hardly have ever had any issues. We trust her so much that we want to ask her if she would be interested in overnight opportunities to see if it is something that makes sense for us financially. My plan is to ask her what her rate is but want to manage my expectations and/or give her a bit more if she is underselling herself because she is that great.

Her schedule is typically 8a-3p M-Th with GH. For this upcoming request we would want her to work 5pm Thurs (so she would not work her normal Thursday hours) - 10pm Friday. Those are the only 2 days that she would work that week since we will all (parents and baby) be out of town Monday-Wed. I will also note that currently the plan for that week that everyone agreed on (this is before we discuss the overnight) is off mon-wed and working her normal 7hrs Thursday and Friday for her guaranteed amount.

As far as overnights go LO usually wakes 1x but it can be 2x. He can get back to sleep fairly easily especially with her.

What would be a fair pay structure for this? Not necessarily asking dollar amount since I know that depends on so many things but structure (e.g., her hourly + flat rate, her hourly for this time of day and something else while sleep, etc)

Looking into a full time nanny, 3x a week, 14 hour days for 3 kids 3 and under. I understand the going rate is around $25?

Our kids are currently in daycare and I don’t know anything about nannying! Do nanny’s cook meals for the kids? Do they clean the house? Or is it typically just child care? What if our oldest needs to be dropped off at Preschool some days- what do people typically do for the car seat situation?

Thanks for the info… any typical day or experience of someone would be helpful.

(Minnesota)

I made a past post at r/nanny, but someone recommended I post here as well to get more advice.

Previous post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/1vkp1d8/nanny_and_grandma_how_can_i_help/

TLDR: grandma has been visiting more often and nanny is very stressed.

I took the advice I received here and spoke with my nanny about ways to make it easier, including offering reduced hours while grandma is here and having grandma take the kids more to give our nanny a break.

Her response:

1. She will not go on any outing with grandma, so if grandma is going anywhere, she must do it solo.
2. Grandma must stay away while nanny is eating and taking a break, and she does not wish to be spoken to.
3. Grandma has to be silent during nap time, and she also must not come out to the common area to ruin the routine during lunch.
4. She needs a more clearly set schedule when grandma is coming, when she will be around, and what each plan is.

I spoke to my mother, who now feels uncomfortable in the house, but agreed with all conditions. I also offered my nanny late starts and leaving early so she spends less time with grandma. We've also offered afternoons off and grandma taking the kids.

I also rearranged my schedule and made sure to plan out weeks ahead. Grandma is coming and going and staying longer than usual right now because we are moving and I need the help. (Husband works nights and is often out of the house or asleep during the day.) (Also, grandma does visit every few months, but this is the longest in a long time because of the move!)

I presented the full calendar to my nanny, with the exact days I was asking for full hours vs half days and reduced hours and included days where grandma and I would be gone all day, so she would know she has the home to herself. She did ask for one more morning to be taken over by grandma instead, but seemed understanding when I said grandma had other plans that day to help with things for the move. She said it was very helpful and told me she would see me next week.

On Sunday, my nanny sent me a message saying she would be taking time off to recharge, and not coming in.

I think we all deserve to recharge, but now I have moved my entire work schedule around, given her the complete schedule, including less hours that she asked for, and I am still feeling like it's not enough.

Again, she is fantastic with my kids and extremely dependable, but now I am not sure what else I can do to help.

(Also, to be clear, her working less hours does not change her pay - she has GH that include overtime no matter what.)

This is our first nanny so maybe I just don't understand where I am going wrong, but is there something else I can do? I have spent the last 10 days stressed, missing work, trying to make everyone happy, and now just feeling... tired.

Hi everyone, looking for some objective feedback on our current nanny situation to see if we’re overreacting or if these are clear signs we should move on.

Our nanny started a late last year in November. When we hired her, she highlighted extensive experience with early childhood development, structured activities, and major developmental milestones (potty training, transitioning off pacifier, teaching art/skills, etc.). We live in New York City and pay her a premium rate well above the local average, along with a very generous benefits package.

We also felt an initial sense of ease because we are an LGBTQ+ family and our nanny is also part of the LGBTQ+ community and our age. We hoped this shared background would make communication easy and comfortable. However, in hindsight, I worry this shared affinity made the dynamic a bit too casual from the start and made her more likely to take advantage of things.

Even during the hiring process, communication was lagging, it would often take days to hear back from her via email. Overall, she positions herself as an authority on childhood development, but in practice, we aren't really seeing much of her influence or impact.

The Issues:

1. Punctuality: For the first few months, she was late every morning (5–10 minutes, occasionally up to 30 minutes). Because I work from home with a flexible schedule and we only use part-time care, I felt like our flexibility was being taken advantage of. Hand-offs take a while in the morning because I WFH and want my toddler to feel secure before I step away, so lateness throws off the morning routine. Even now, I am generally pretty much always worried whether she will be on time.
2. Value vs. Engagement: Things stabilized a bit, but my partner is increasingly feeling like we are overpaying for the level of engagement. Rather than introducing new developmental activities or milestone support, their days are fairly repetitive (walks, parks, picnics). For instance, we’ve wanted to transition away from bottles, but she hasn't taken much initiative or provided helpful support in driving that transition. Are we expecting too much here?
3. Communication & Call-Outs: Today was her third time calling in sick. What made it particularly frustrating was that she emailed us just 30 minutes before her start time. She just called in sick two weeks ago, so it feels unlikely that she's genuinely sick again so soon. Additionally, our child had a slight fever last week (we suspect from teething, as there were no other symptoms), which makes the timing of her call-out feel questionable to us. Also we used to get more regular updates/pics, but not at all now.
   My partner feels these are mounting signs of unreliability and a lack of professionalism, and that we're being taken advantage of given the high rate we pay. I agree with his concerns, but I also want to make sure we aren't overreacting or misjudging the situation.

Are we expecting too much? How would you handle this? Is it time to set strict boundaries/performance expectations, or would you start looking for a replacement? We pride ourselves on trying to be really accommodating.

Curious how others handle this.

My family travels here and there, to visit family, for work and for fun. We expect that we’ll need coverage for some of these trip - particularly work trips - and will ask for our nanny to travel with us.

Obviously we’d be doing all the right things, ie separate hotel, defined schedule, daily stipend, overnight cost etc etc etc

BUT what happens if when the nanny declines to travel with us? Does this count as GH? She has 45h week currently. Would she still be paid?