r/NannyEmployers

Seriously. In ALL jobs there is a hierarchy. We all take orders from someone. That is what we are paid to do. But some nannies act like doing what the mother (their boss who pays them)asks is negotiable or is optional. Uh not, that is what you are paid for. I also think some of these nannies are misogynistic. I would bet they would be more willing to take orders from the dad. Too many women don't want to take orders from a woman boss which keeps women down.

Our nanny has been with us for just over 3 years and overall is great. We have had our fair share of issues in the past with tardiness and last minute call ins that sort of were chalked up to feeling a little too comfortable with the flexibility we have offered in the past and we addressed it and it’s been better for sure. But over the last few weeks she has been doing a lot, like cleaning our bedroom (definitely didn’t ask for that) and yesterday we got home and she had done all of mine and my wife’s laundry, cleaned my home office, and some other little things. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but it feels a little weird to me. Like many adults, there are certainly things in our bedroom we don’t want our nanny seeing and laundry in the bin that isn’t just clothes we wore the day before…. My wife has just bought some new clothes that were in the bin and the nanny washed everything on hot since that’s how we do the kids stuff and then put EVERYTHING in the dryer. Jeans, sweaters, lulu pants, bras. I don’t know how to approach her without sounding ungrateful. She has seen that we have been extra busy and knows we are traveling the next few weekends and was trying to be helpful but it was just a bit more than I would hope for I guess especially given that it wasn’t the “right” way to wash like 6 pairs of lulu pants and bras.

We just welcomed our first baby to the world on Monday and expect to leave the hospital for home on Thursday. We have had a baby nurse booked for months now, and on Tuesday night she called us letting us know she can no longer join us because she got in an accident and broke her leg. I don’t want to make any accusations that this is a lie, but in scrambling to find a new baby nurse I have heard from 2 others that have experienced nearly identical situations with different nurses.

Has anyone experienced this in NYC?

Hi! Looking for some insight on how to handle this situation that came up today.

I bought a brand new outdoor pack and play to keep my 10 month old contained. It’s quite large.

My nanny brought my baby out there today and put her in the pack and play. She decided to fill it up with hose water (maybe 2” deep) and let my baby play in it. Had I known that was the plan, I would have not let her do it. I would have bought a cheap kiddie pool.

Anyway, my baby pooped at some point in the water. She was wearing a regular diaper. My nanny said she “didn’t know.” She was in the water for an hour. She didn’t even tell me she pooped initially… she got her out of the water, put her in PJs (no bath) and then casually said she pooped. I explained that when babies poop in water that’s not treated (with chlorine) and not removed right away (like you would in a bathtub), it can pose a health risk if my baby swallowed the water, got it in her eyes, etc. My nanny was very unbothered, didn’t apologize, and kind of gave me an attitude about it.

She’s been on thin ice for a while now and I don’t really know if this was a fireable offense. I’m upset she tried to make my brand new outdoor equipment into a makeshift pool, didn’t tell me she was doing that, didn’t check her diaper, and when told about why this is a big deal, gave me attitude.

I know she doesn’t know the ins and outs of diapers (swim vs regular). But, now I’m in a position where I have to keep an eye on my baby’s health??

What would you do?

We are 8 months in to having a nanny. This is our first time having a nanny. She’s experienced with more than 20 years doing this. She is fairoy and competitively compensated for watching our one baby who is now almost a year old. We are a very organized household who makes things easy and she has told us such, we are her easiest client by far. She does minimal housework and is not responsible for any transportation of my child (she is unwilling). She is not cpr certified.

We met her through her daughter, who was our babysitter for my older kids. Being naive we didn’t make a contract and only had a verbal agreement. 24 guaranteed hours per week (she has been working closer to 30 hrs/week the past 5 months), paid for sick and PTO, etc. She has now had 75 hrs of PTO in 8 months. She was unwilling to coordinate any of her time with us so we are unable to take a vacation this year. I know it’s not her problem, but as a contractor myself I do not get paid unless I work so it’s difficult to pay her PTO when I have to take off those days and be unpaid. Her daughter offered to help next week while her mom is on more PTO, but the only way I could afford that is if I took from the nanny’s PTO pay next week to pay her daughter. I mentioned that to the nanny and she said no that she needed to be paid. So, I am ready to mend my mistake and move forward with a contract.

My question is what is fair at this point for PTO in a contract? I have had a whole mix of opinions from people in my area from no PTO, to 1-3 weeks, to only guaranteeing 50 weeks pay so we can vacation, etc. I want to be fair to the nanny and my family and am looking for what’s best.

Does anyone offer their nanny health insurance? I would like to but have no clue how to go about doing so. Any insight appreciated!

First time nanny (or anyone else) employer. There have been a bunch of things that I should’ve nipped in the bud, but stupidly chose to be polite and avoid hurting feelings (she is only 19 and very young 19 at that).

On her first day when little one was sleeping, she went into a guest bedroom and took a nap. She didn’t even bother to make the bed. I was so shocked I didn’t say anything, it was too bizarre. This kept happening so I stripped the bed to make it less inviting. She just went into another bedroom and napped there. Didn’t make the bed there either. GOLDILOCKS!!

Her claim of “I cleaned the kitchen” is just her putting her dirty dishes in the sink for me to wash.

Eats everything and anything out of my fridge and pantry without asking.

She doesn’t pick up after LO or herself. I just found mushed up strawberries on the floor of LO’s room. Toys are never put away. Laundry is never done or folded.

She is constantly snatching LO out of my hands in an obnoxious fashion.

I have a newborn as well. I can kiss catching up on sleep when she is here because she is always SINGING or blasting music. Never stops talking!

She is decent with LO, but I have caught her in some lies. For example, claiming LO ate a roll but I found the roll in the trash uneaten. Claiming LO napped for 1.5 hour when she was only hollering in her crib because she was put down without a sleep sac. When confronted, she claimed the sleep sac slipped off! She never put one on!

Is it time to part ways with Goldilocks or should I just eat my porridge?

I'm considering letting go of our newish nanny who's been around for a little over a month. For context, I have an 8 mo baby girl.

In the time that we've worked with her, we have had multiple points of friction, including:

- When the baby is crying, she won't physically pick her up and comfort her. She keeps repeating "we're fine, we're fine". And the baby sits there looking sad. Happened even after we tried to give her feedback about this.

- She's very rigid about routines, for example, she will continue changing a non-poopy diaper as part of the routine even if the baby is in an already unregulated state.

- Tends to externalize blame: for example, she says that the baby is unable to fall asleep because we (the parents) did not follow _her_ sleep routine on the weekends. Turns out my baby hadn't been able to fall asleep because she was hungry. Multiple instances of blaming us during a challenging situation. Because we asked her to be more responsive to baby's fussy cues instead of letting her get all the way to crying, now apparently, she can't make baby's food because baby may cry.

- Has dropped the ball on all baby-related chores, including doing baby laundry, baby food and taking out diaper trash.

And the biggest red flag to me is that my usually happy baby is never happy to see her!

At first, I was hesitant to fire her without giving her an ultimatum. But now I feel like there is a major mismatch and she just won't work for our household. A few recent incidents have tipped us over to this.

Since she's still relatively new, hopefully we can all part ways and find someone better suited.

What do you all think?

I work 12 hour days so we have a nanny for longer than usual workdays. Our nanny takes our baby out for walks and naps in the stroller which is fine…but I’m started to feel like it’s really excessive and I can’t monitor what they’re up to on camera.

For example, yesterday our nanny was out with our baby from 8:30pm-2:30pm, came back for an hour, and was out from 3:30-6:30pm. I’m getting really concerned about our baby being in a stroller for that long and also just very confused about where they’re going (she says walks outdoors but it’s 80-90°). Live in major metro area so no driving involved.

Am I right this feels very excessive? Is it typical to mandate time in the house for a certain number of hours per day? Any advice on how to broach that?

I am going back to work full time and will need help. My kids are older, 10 & 13. The role would be part time afternoons / early evening, perfect for a college student. Ideally running errand (groceries, dry cleaning etc), pick up kids from school and take to extracurricular activities, supervise homework and kids doing chores /help as needed), light meal prep (ie put pre prepped dinner in oven or simple meal prep). Might include very light housekeeping but we have a weekly cleaner for deep stuff, so just basic tidying (kids do have responsibilities to do own rooms etc).basically keep the house running and kids on task until I get home from work.
What is this called and what is a reasonable pay range? I want to attract quality applicants. I appreciate the help, you guys have e helped me learn so much I had no idea about (payroll systems, GH, PTO & benefits set up).

One of the most unexpectedly difficult parts of finding a nanny for our baby has been that EVERYONE seems to use scented products. Like you can immediately smell fragrance on them, be it hair spray, laundry detergent etc.

We finally found a great nanny. We explained to her that baby has sensitive skin and we'd like her to avoid scented products. She readily agreed and said she doesn't use anything scented. We offered to buy her our preferred laundry detergent anyway and she accepted. She showed up on the first day and I could immediately smell this artificial fragrance that wafts in with her. It's not subtle. She does not use leave-in hair products or body lotion, so I think it's either her body wash or shampoo/conditioner but I'm not sure. I didn't say anything because she had already agreed to the detergent switch, I didn't want to be overbearing.

But now a few weeks in, it's bothering me more and more. Baby's clothes smell like this fragrance, baby's hair smells like it, baby's room smells like it after she leaves. I feel really irked because I worry about baby's sensitive skin (and also having baby breathe in all this fragrance at a close distance every day). But I'm wondering whether I'd be unreasonable to bring it up to her? I'm happy to purchase the product swaps for her, but I'm also feeling a little crazy because...why is everyone using fragrance in their personal care products?? It's not THAT hard to avoid.

We have a nanny filling in part time. We liked her so much we were thinking about how we could keep working with her long term. Until today.

She took my 17 month old out just after 9 am. It was already 86/87 degrees with a heat index over 90. I asked her more than once to be back by 11. She often takes him on long adventures which in better weather is great, but I was very clear that it’s too hot to be out long. This is the first hot day he’s been out so he’s not acclimated (and he’s super pale so sun is also a concern).

At 11:05 they’re not back and the heat index is 96, temp is over 90. I text and she says they’re close. They get back 11:15 and she sends me a picture of him looking super hot and disheveled, sitting in the swing out front. I come outside and grab him, bring him inside, give him a popsicle, and am visibly not happy, explaining that it’s too hot to be out that long (unless at a pool etc). She keeps saying he’s fine. I offered water - “he just had some” with a snippy tone. She will not apologize or even acknowledge that this wasn’t ok. I say, toddlers can’t regulate their body temperatures the way we do - “I know that” with a snarl. I finally say, as you know, I have an electrolyte disorder that regularly lands me in the ER for fluids - I don’t know if he has the same condition but it runs in my family. She says he’s fine, he’s happy. She was acting like I’m insane to have any reaction.

When my husband gets home, he lets her explain what happened and she said I “freaked out” which is both far from the truth and nuts to say to your employer.

Question: she’s only scheduled to work one more day with us. Do we fire her now? Is that justified, or am I indeed being too sensitive? FWIW my husband is a teacher and their outside recess was cancelled today due to heat.

Thanks for any feedback

We had an interview with a nanny who is super great with our daughter. But her instagram shows she goes to raves on a regular basis, in addition to being out at bars taking shots.

She was very professional and on time during our interview and trial. She’s also had many years of experience teaching in schools. I was really shocked to see this.

Would you hire someone who has that type of lifestyle?

New, first time mom with a 3 month old. I just went back to work and hired a nanny to watch her in our home. I’m not sure what is typical. I have a stroller and told the nanny she is welcome to push our baby around the neighborhood on walks. We live in a suburban residential area so going anywhere else would require driving.

Is it expected to allow the nanny to take the baby out places? Just curious what others do.

Sorry this is going to be a bit long and detailed but I just want some thoughts because I left this trial feeling a bit emotionally drained, distraught and a little confused. I want to gauge if I’m overreacting or if this is normal/ a red flag.

I recently had a weekend trial with a nanny family with 2 toddlers girls. The expectations and pay were not communicated to me beforehand. But the family graciously booked a hotel for me since I was coming in from outside their city. This is for a live-in role.

When I arrived, this was our first meeting face to face. I met the girls and played with them and got to know them for a bit. They were very resistant initially because their first and longest term nanny left them several months ago and she was like a mother figure apparently. Since then, they’ve had other nanny trials which apparently didn’t meet the parents expectations.

The parents have high standards which they should good for them! But later, the mother was telling me why she didn’t like the other candidates and referenced things like “she was wearing green nail polish and that’s not really my style” “she would tell my kids silly stories about monsters and I just don’t like that” “i would never do those things”

Granted, the mother also heavily implied that she herself doesn’t have maternal instincts “doesn’t really like to play on the floor with blocks and stuff” and would rather be working since she’s passionate about business. Fine.

But anyway, on this first day the mother was scrambling to get dressed and said a quick hello to me and went to get ready. I wasn’t shown the house we didn’t have a deeper introduction it was just a “hey here are the girls. We told them you’re a friend just in case because we’ve seen so many nannies that if it doesn’t work out we don’t want to affect them some more” then she left. Her husband came to shake my hand and then sat in the living room/ play room on his computer, working in the same room as us while I tried to interact with the girls. They ran away from me often and went to their dad (again, understandably) but they had moments of curiosity where they opened up a bit showing me their favorite toys. I’m a very easy person to like because I adapt really well with various children’s personalities. Never met a child that didn’t like me so far.

The mom came back eventually and said “I know you were just on a train for 3 hours you’re probably tired but we’re gonna drive an hour away to visit some friends at a restaurant and you’re coming with us” I was a little taken aback by this because I would have expected us to stay home, learn about where everything was, discover the house, neighborhood, understand the girls behavior and habits, routines etc but no. We all got in the car together and went to a restaurant an hour away to see their friends.

When we arrived, this restaurant was on the edge of a lake so indoor/outdoor. We sat indoors and they were all chatting with their friends who also had a toddler boy. It was really awkward because I’m not fluent in their native language and I barely know them so I was just sitting there. The girls were seated next to the mom and the friends so I couldn’t even attempt to interact with them. Felt very awkward and my thoughts were “this is a little unprofessional on their end” (but idk if this is normal for a trial???) then the mom told the little girls (again 2 and 3) that they can go run around outside and that the nanny will watch you. Mind you, outside there are some people eating and sunbathing near the lake that has a rail around it. It’s very dangerous and so we went outside and then the toddler boy came with the mom and she said “do you mind watching him too” (it didn’t seem like a question more of a “watch him so we can chat with our friends we haven’t seen in a long time) I was so shocked because what??? Who is he?? And he didn’t speak English. The kids naturally didn’t listen and ran around disturbing people eating, screaming, running near the lake. When I’d touch the kids and gently rub their backs and say let’s go over here to play” they would scream so loud and have tantrums rolling on the floor in between the people eating. I’m a professional nanny but still this was impossible to handle on my own. The parents were just hanging out with their friends, aloof.

I tried to be as gentle as possible with the girls because something the parents emphasized was wanting a nanny who can be gentle but firm with their girls. They said the previous nannies were too strict and that they liked my gentle demeanor. The girls were inconsolable though- nonetheless I kept my calm. Everyone in the restaurant and outside were looking at me very annoyed and a woman sunbathing even yelled at me “hey! This is for relaxing. No no no” I wanted to die right there. So embarrassing and annoying. With three children outside who wouldn’t listen to me, I couldn’t just walk back inside alone to tell the parents to come help me because I had to watch them very closely. Running in different directions. So I called the mom on my phone and she didn’t answer, so I texted her. Eventually they came outside aloof smiling and playing with their kids. I told the mom do you think you can help me with them if we’re outside because it’s very dangerous near the lake, otherwise it would be best for us to go inside and play with their puzzle instead at the table. Then their dad and the other dad friend came outside to play with the boy so she said it’s fine her dad is outside now. They can play outside if they want to

That was very overwhelming. Later, we drove back home, the girls took a nap in the car so the mom told me to go back to the hotel for a little 30 min break. She told me to come back afterwards and I can stay for an hour and a half to watch the girls have dinner. (I was given the choice to have dinner with the parents later or to eat alone somewhere in the city- so I chose to eat alone because I was very tired and needed a break)

I came back when she was prepping dinner for the girls and the parents sat and watched as I sat with the girls monitoring them as they ate. I talked to them often, since increasing their exposure to English is also part of my duty. The dad ate at the table too and kept saying in English (not his first language and in a baby voice “are you gonna eat your rice? Shall we put some cheese here” etc which I found very distracting if the purpose is for me to bond with them. I didn’t understand what he was doing, everytime I tried to interact with them he followed up with something redirecting the convo with them and they were naturally more engaged with him. The mom was in the kitchen sitting listening but I think on her phone- she seemed exhausted.

It just felt a little awkward being watched like that. I think I handled it well since I’m naturally very comfortable with children- It just wasn’t clear to me whether this was dad and girls bonding time and I should be quiet or what haha

Anyway, when they finished eating the mom said “you can go back to the hotel now sorry for today and thanks” she kept insisting that this was an unusual day and it’s not typically like this. I figured okay I guess. But also we had scheduled this trial like 2 weeks in advance- why would you visit your friends during our trial??? I didn’t say that but I was thinking that. Especially- a public outing on the first day of a trial????? Is that normal??? Especially when kids have transition issues with unfamiliar people.

Anyway, I was dismissed back to the hotel. Didn’t see the girls room or bathroom or any other part of the house on the first day, didn’t see the bedtime routine either (This is a 2 day trial).

The second day I came more optimistic thinking day 1 was a fluke and I am an understanding and patient person.

Day 2: I arrive early in the morning at the designated time. Everyone’s asleep. The dad opens the door and says “hi! everyone’s sleep. I’ll check on them” he leaves for 20 minutes and then comes back like “we’re in the kitchen” very coldly. So I greet the mom and girls who seem a little happier to see me today. The dad is sitting at the table near the girls and the mom hands me bread and a knife and says “can you make them bread and jam. She stood there and he sat there watching me. As I cut a slice of bread into smaller pieces for the 2 year old and 3 year old and out jam on it. The three year old screamed No I want a bigger one!!! So I explained that let’s start with a smaller piece and the dad chimed in and naturally took over the conversation and picked up the bread and started showing them etc. I felt really stupid and uncomfortable there because every-time I tried to chime in the girls would look at their mom and dad and say “I want you to do it” I felt like I was being evaluated so blatantly in what felt like an unnatural way. Like… do you really have to watch me cut bread and put jam on it? That’s so awkward. I’m an adult with several years of experience as a nanny - this is what they chose to watch me do??? (Mind you, when I spoke to the mom on the phone she also heavily implied that the dad is mostly uninvolved so I was really shocked to see him so present and overbearing it almost felt performative for what reason? Idk)

Anyway. I was asked to change a diaper and had to follow up each time with a “where’s her room” “do you have a particular way of doing this” “is there anything I should know?” “Where’s the bin for this?” “Where do you keep the wipes” they didn’t show me anything unless I asked. It’s almost like I was expected to just know everything. Fortunately the girl let me change her diaper which apparently she never lets anyone do except mom and dad and her previous nanny. Then I was told to go with them to wash hands and brush teeth and do hair. I had to ask the girls where everything was because the parents couldn’t be bothered to show me.

Then, we had another outing. lol. At a farm of sorts. Like a petting zoo with farm animals. When we got there the mom took the 3 year olds hand and I naturally stood with the 2 year old which I was happy to do! The whole time I walked with the 2 year old and engaged with her, showing her the animals- helping her feed and pet them. (She’s a really smart two year old and talks in full-ish sentences and is super aware)

The mom, who has an anxious personality walked ahead of us, not really waiting or paying attention to where we were. Nonetheless it went well at the beginning. Then eventually the 2 year old had a tantrum and out of nowhere collapsed on the floor screaming (I imagine that’s probably because her mom just disappeared walking so fast ahead of us) and everytime I touched her gently and spoke calmly she screamed and would yank away from me. By then, the mom and the group we were with had already left to the next section but the toddler wouldn’t move. I stayed with her crouched down gently singing to her and offering her some water. She was inconsolable and again people were staring with a very disappointing look. I called the mom twice and she didn’t pick up. Which is absolutely ridiculous because she had been on her phone the entire time texting. How do you just not answer??

She came back so aloof and with a look of annoyance that we were so far behind. Picked the girl up and we walked to the next section together. I told her “I think she’s hungry. I offered her some biscuits and water but she said she wants you to give it to her” she said “no I think she’s fine.” She kept leaving the 2 year old with me and walking away. I told her she’s having attachment issues and I think it’s best if we all walk together and stay together but the mom still kept walking away from us. So I stayed calm and tried entertaining the 2 year old in different ways. She calmed down eventually.

Same thing happened when the dad joined us later for lunch at this farm and he came in hot super engaged with them which is great but then randomly disappeared somewhere else while the mom went to the car to let the youngest have a nap. I was with the 3 year old alone outside at this restaurant farm and we played and ran around and colored. Then when she noticed her whole family disappeared she was inconsolable. Despite my best efforts to calm her. I said “let’s go for a walk to find your daddy” as a last resort and she didn’t want to. So I called her dad- no answer. lol

Anyway. I’ll stop there. We went home. I met the housekeeper for the first time who is fantastic and very sweet. The girls loved her and she was very nice with me and interacted with me a lot, voluntarily helped me with the girls when they naturally ran to her (she’s a super bubbly familiar face to them) Etc.

At the end, when I had to leave because the trial was over- the girls were very sad and the dad said to the girls “it’s okay tell her we will see her again!”

Why would he say that???? Don’t tell them that. Don’t put that thought in their heads. That made me feel a lot of pressure. I hadn’t made my mind up yet. On top of that, the mom- as I was leaving- said “so when’s your availability, we were thinking mid June. That’s best for us.”

I’m really confused because they spoke to me as if I had accepted the position, I never once alluded to yes. This is a trial. It can’t be one sided. They never asked me my thoughts or how I felt. They never showed me the routine, the girls clothes, their anything. The mom also went on a spiel about “ for me if you’re good at your job things don’t have to be explained, it’s intuitive. My first nanny knew everything immediately”

I’m 28. Her previous nanny was 60 and had a full grown adult child. Her comment didn’t make any sense to me. We don’t even come from the same culture. OF COURSE things have to be explained. She was heavily implying that if the girls are happy that’s proof that the nanny is good at her job. Um like Noo? That’s not true at all. It’s way more complex and nuanced.

It felt very much like she approached this entire thing like a business person with a business mindset. The mom had mentioned a few times that with the right person she would be happy to “disappear” into her work and let them have sole charge. (Is that a red flag?) that sounds really weird for a mother to say that. Sorry to judge but I’ve never heard of such a thing.

She said if you can give us an answer about your start date asap it would be very helpful. I felt a looooot of pressure from them. Where’s the humanity of asking me how I felt about the girls and the trial date????

I did send her a text a few hours after I left reiterating my approach to the bonding process and that it’s not gonna happen overnight with the girls and that transition period will take longer than the mother is anticipating and that I’m still in the process of reflecting and considering if our perspectives on this role are compatible long term (since ideally, this is a long term commitment role) and don’t want to give them an impulsive response because I take this kind of role seriously. She responded with something along the lines of “we’re super flexible. I know you have your own life so we would take that into consideration”

That wasn’t really the point. What was missing was the humanity, the consideration, the taking time to explain and walk me through your process. Especially since your standards are so high. You have to explain things more diligently.

To be crystal clear: I genuinely love kids. And the kids, despite their tantrums and not listening were lovely! Those are all things that can be worked on. Those things don’t bother me. What bothered me was how the parents interacted with me on day 1, their aloofness, the way they spoke about their long term nanny, and the trivial critiques of their other trial nannies, and their disregard towards me in public. And of course the mom’s perception that if the girls are upset and running to the parents often is MUST mean that the nanny is incompetent.

Anyway. Sorry for the long and overly detailed message. I would be happy to hear people’s thoughts about this situation and whether it reads as normal or not for a nanny trial. Also whether you would accept this position or not? The pay is really good for where I live and my lifestyle (roughly 4k usd a month) But is this situation worth it? Thanks

(I hope this is the right place to post this- sorry if it isn’t)

Hi everyone. I really need honest advice because I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m being underpaid or if I’m overthinking it because I’m emotionally attached to this family.

I’m 22 years old in Ohio and I currently make $25/hour nannying for an 8-year-old boy whose mom passed away. His dad is a widower, and over time I feel like I’ve slowly taken on the role of nanny, house manager, cleaner, personal assistant, and honestly kind of a parent figure while I’m there.

When I first started, it was more normal nanny responsibilities, but now I basically help keep the entire household functioning. I’m not just taking care of the child. I’m cleaning up after multiple adults too. The dad, the 18-year-old brother, the uncle, and grandma are all in and out of the house, and somehow the cleaning and upkeep mostly falls onto me during the week.

Every Monday I walk into piles of dishes and laundry that built up over the weekend. I’m the one spending the week catching the entire house back up. I’m washing and folding everyone’s laundry — not just the child’s. I wash and fold the dad’s clothes, the 18-year-old brother’s clothes, towels, sheets, blankets, and whatever else is piled up. I’m constantly remaking beds, washing linens, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming and cleaning floors every single day, loading and unloading the dishwasher constantly, wiping things down, picking up clutter everywhere, and trying to make the house functional again.

At the same time, I’m still fully responsible for the 8-year-old. I make his meals, pack his lunches, help with homework, check school emails and communication, take him to sports and activities, help with bedtime, do overnights, and handle a lot of emotional regulation and attachment issues related to losing his mom. I’m also listed as a guardian/contact for certain school and medical situations, which feels like a much bigger responsibility than a normal nanny role.

The house is also basically the neighborhood hangout spot. His friends are constantly over, sometimes 6+ kids at once, and I end up supervising all of them, feeding them, dealing with arguments, and trying to keep everything under control while still managing the housework and taking care of the child I was actually hired for.

On top of that, the dad frequently texts me last minute asking me to come early, stay late, or do overnights. There’s very little structure or communication sometimes. When the child has sports or events, I’m often given almost no details and just expected to figure it out myself. If groceries are needed, I’m stopping on my way and using my own car and gas. I run errands for the dad, ship things out for him, help with holiday shopping and Christmas stuff, buy stocking stuffers, and generally fill in wherever something needs done.

I also deal with syncope/fainting episodes and my own health issues, so the physical and emotional exhaustion from this job has started catching up to me. I care deeply about this child and I know this family has been through a horrible loss, which is part of why I’ve taken on so much without pushing back. But I’m starting to feel less like “the nanny” and more like the person holding the household together during the week.

I currently make $25/hour, but with summer coming and moving into more full-time hours, I’ve been considering asking for $28/hour. But honestly after typing all this out, I don’t even know if that’s still undervaluing the amount of responsibility and work involved.

For experienced nannies, what would you charge in this situation? Am I being unreasonable for feeling overwhelmed by the amount I’m expected to do? Does this sound more like a nanny/house manager role than a standard nanny position? **** And what I’m struggling with the most, - let’s say I think I want to ask for 30 or more, how do I go about asking from a big jump from 25- to 5+ more?**

Hello! Not sure if I’m posting in the right sub!
We just hired a nanny to care for our 6 month old! Wondering what payroll services you guys use that covers WC&Disability? Want to make sure we have our nanny all set up the right way.
Thanks in advance!

We have a nanny filling in part time. We liked her so much we were thinking about how we could keep working with her long term. Until today.

She took my 17 month old out just after 9 am. It was already 86/87 degrees with a heat index over 90. I asked her more than once to be back by 11. She often takes him on long adventures which in better weather is great, but I was very clear that it’s too hot to be out long. This is the first hot day he’s been out so he’s not acclimated (and he’s super pale so sun is also a concern).

At 11:05 they’re not back and the heat index is 96, temp is over 90. I text and she says they’re close. They get back 11:15 and she sends me a picture of him looking super hot and disheveled, sitting in the swing out front. I come outside and grab him, bring him inside, give him a popsicle, and am visibly not happy, explaining that it’s too hot to be out that long (unless at a pool etc). She keeps saying he’s fine. I offered water - “he just had some” with a snippy tone. She will not apologize or even acknowledge that this wasn’t ok. I say, toddlers can’t regulate their body temperatures the way we do - “I know that” with a snarl. I finally say, as you know, I have an electrolyte disorder that regularly lands me in the ER for fluids - I don’t know if he has the same condition but it runs in my family. She says he’s fine, he’s happy. She was acting like I’m insane to have any reaction.

When my husband gets home, he lets her explain what happened and she said I “freaked out” which is both far from the truth and nuts to say to your employer.

Question: she’s only scheduled to work one more day with us. Do we fire her now? Is that justified, or am I indeed being too sensitive? FWIW my husband is a teacher and their outside recess was cancelled today due to heat.

Thanks for any feedback

Not sure if any of this is right.

I am a first time mom to a 3 month old boy. I am going back to work soon and we tried daycare today for a couple hours and I absolutely hated it and do not want him to return. (The daycare was probably fine, I just … it’s not for me).

Anyway, what is the best and safest way to go about hiring a nanny? All I’ve heard about is Care.com but I am not sure what’s best. I don’t know how much to pay them, what experience is “good”, background checks, contracts, etc.

Any advice/tips/etc are welcome. Thank you.

We are hiring a nanny for the first time and trying to figure out the most affordable/foolproof way to handle payroll.

Nannykeeper.com seems way less costly than the other services out there, but I haven’t been able to find a single review of it? Has anyone used it? Is it a scam?

Thanks!