u/mosquitomange

I work 12 hour days so we have a nanny for longer than usual workdays. Our nanny takes our baby out for walks and naps in the stroller which is fine…but I’m started to feel like it’s really excessive and I can’t monitor what they’re up to on camera.

For example, yesterday our nanny was out with our baby from 8:30pm-2:30pm, came back for an hour, and was out from 3:30-6:30pm. I’m getting really concerned about our baby being in a stroller for that long and also just very confused about where they’re going (she says walks outdoors but it’s 80-90°). Live in major metro area so no driving involved.

Am I right this feels very excessive? Is it typical to mandate time in the house for a certain number of hours per day? Any advice on how to broach that?

I gave birth a few months ago and my in-laws have been nice and helpful for the most part. MIL is a bit baby obsessed and cornered me as I was leaving the bathroom once, didnt say hi to me and only petted the baby while I was baby wearing her…but also came up last minute to watch the baby when our childcare fell through. I’m internally very possessive of the baby but know family ties are important and that they’re excited to be grandparents, so I try to be generous with baby time. I think I do a good job being a DIL.

My husband and I work full time in demanding jobs (50-60 hrs/week) and can’t take much PTO. Most of our PTO and extra money is spent flying to family occasions like weddings, major holidays, etc. and we have ended up traveling once or twice a month with the baby. We are exhausted and want time to relax, not to mention time with our baby as a family of three.

MIL proposed a weeklong vacation in another state we’d have to fly to. We can’t take the PTO and are so tired of flying.

We asked if they’d be willing to move the vacation somewhere closer to us so we could take the train but they wanted to stick to their plan.

We said we probably can’t make it. They want us to fly to visit GMIL later in the month in another, different state, and it’s just too much for us. MIL is extremely upset we can’t make the vacation, saying she went to all this effort to figure out logistics and just wants the family together, but isn’t willing to come closer to us.

They don’t work and there’s no extremely special reason they picked this vacation spot, and we feel like it’s reasonable as working parents to have retired in-laws come to us, but they’re not budging and are very angry.

Anyone else deal with this? On the one hand I understand where she’s coming from but on the other hand she’s totally unsympathetic to us having to travel so often for family alongside working and childcare.

my in-laws are very well intentioned but sometimes.....

they sent flowers for my first mother's day, for which i'm grateful. but the card simply said "thanks for giving us beautiful [my child's name]!"

i know they mean well. but it gets under my skin that they reframed mother's day into me providing something for THEIR ENJOYMENT, rather than celebrating the new addition to the family more generally. how hard is to say "have a great first mother's day!" instead??