u/avg-bathroom-invader

Just that. I'm lowk scared about how much this will hurt. It looks like a medieval torture device. Razors scare me more tho, so...

I checked my startup apps on my PC because why not, and found an executable names "Malyonar" and can't find anything about it on google. My computer seems to believe it doesn't exist, but I'm not sure if it's vital to something. Does anyone have any idea what this is?

Title. I can't stop thinking "Should've been me", even though I know how unrealistic it is. I mean, for one, it's like anime and shit, so of course that's not real. But also, I'm watching a show rn with a lot of scenes with the protag's little sister and it's just painful every time. Little anime rant for you gays during gay month. Be gay do crime

Let me preface with the fact that I'm not asexual. I feel sexual arousal and attraction. That being said, though, thinking about it is an uncomfortable idea, but not in an "Ew gross!" kind of way, more of a "This is wrong." kind of way. My mom works in an STI clinic, so upon learning that I was becoming a sexually active person, she gave me a bag of condoms. I took them, and stood in my room with them for a while. Something was very, horribly wrong, in a way I knew but hadn't been able to name before. My brain was reminded of what's different, and it was just wrong. I wanted to vomit. This was a reminder of reality, one I hadn't had in a while. I hate this existence. My government calls me a terrorist for wanting to survive, and people around me believe they know better than me how I feel. My therapist becomes a spineless coward any time my parents are in the room, and my friends won't talk to me about this, and I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to hear about it if I didn't have to live it. I can't be the only one. One of you thousands of siblings has to get this, right? sorry if this whole thing is a bit depressing and rambly, I just don't have much of anywhere else to go.

TL;DR, Not ace, just feel horribly dysphoric about like... condoms specifically.