u/avocadoarlert

Guys, this is absolutely nuts.

April 16th, the creators made that live on Discord and I was in it. Afterwards, a girl came up in my DM's asking if I knew anything about that adult Kat Mikaelsen design they mentioned on the live and we started talking. Very quickly, there was this connection.

Both of us romanced Kat, both of us had the same favorite song and the same favorite scene. Even when we were describing how we felt listening to "Lazuli" by Beach House, we both said it was like floating in the air. WE SAID THE SAME THING LOL

We began talking every day about the game and it was so, so nice. I'm crazy about this game, so imagine my joy when I finally found someone to talk about it.

THEN, she sent me a picture of a comment on YouTube (it was the song Lazuli again) and asked if it was me. IT WAS. (It was also about Kat) She said she always saw my comment every time she listened to the song, so, technically, she met me before she even sent that text about the design.

Now, more or less four months after, WE'RE DATING LOL

I once made a post here about how this game cured me from my depression (no exaggeration about that) AND NOW IT GAVE ME A GIRLFRIEND?????? SHE EVEN BOUGHT ME A SHIRT OF LOST RECORDS WOAHHH

Thank you, Kat Mikaelsen. Thank you, Lost Records. She is the sweetest, funniest girl ever.

My girlfriend is 28 and I'm 19 (I'm also a girl, by the way) and I'm starting to think that this might actually not work out. I'm afraid one day she'll realise I'm really a idiot.

I'm also autistic, so I can't read tone and vibes very well. Thankfully, even though we had some issues because of this, she said she normally would ghost the person who made her sad, but since she knows I'm autistic, she comes back every time to talk.

But even if she doesn't get tired of me constantly missing clues, I'm also in panic because I know nothing about sex and I know that's important. I keep thinking she'll laugh at me even if it's in a good way.

That's the other issue I have, I don't think she takes me seriously. She said I'm "adorable" two different times, like, who wants to be called that?

I feel so stupid typing all of this.

I'm also not very organized. I also have OCD. I have absolutely no money at all. There's just so many reasons of why I'm not fit for her... I wish I was someone else. I wish I was a guy so her family could accept me. If only I was different...

EDIT: So, almost all of you guys are telling me to end this relationship with her, but I wish I could show y'all how much she means to me. We're very similar to the point that we say the same things at the same time at least once a day. We have the same music taste, like the same games and we're both shy. I'm saying all of this just so you guys know that it's very difficult for me to just... end things. We talk every day, you know? But I'm listening to you, okay? I'll be more thoughtfull about this.

We met through discord, she wanted to know something about this game we both played and I answered. It was just so instant connection, suddenly we were talking for longer and longer, now we text *every day* and for hours. It's been 22 days since then, and it felt so gradual but I can see now that it hasn't even been a month.

At the start, we only talked about the game, but then the topic changed to small things like favorite food, favorite artists and stuff. Now, sometimes, we will even talk about sex (we're not sexting, just plain talking, though sometimes she will say something very specific like what she likes.)

She's flirting more and more as time goes on and I'm trying to keep up but yeah, I'm very dumb (and autistic).

She showed me three poems that was inspired by me. The poems had some themes of me helping her through this dark time in her life, that us meeting was fate and I was flattered but also... I'm scared.

This same night, she said she doesn't want a relationship and listed her reasons (which I find valid): she just got out of one, we live very, very far away and unfortunately, age.

But then she also said she wanted us to go slow? So... Slow to where exactly since we can't go nowhere?

I reached a point where my routine *actually* feels empty if I don't text her for more than 5 hours. I'm getting worried that not only I'm leaning on her too much, but that she's also leaning on me too much.

She's such a lovely person. She has more or less the same humor as me, likes the same things as me, we're both shy (though she seems more courageous than me in certain aspects) and...

I can't believe I'm fitting into the lesbian stereotype, but I can already taste the words "I love you" on my tongue.

This is all so weird to me because the last and first time I've ever fallen in love was 6 years ago. I'm not the type to fall in love with just everybody, but for some reason, this specific girl just makes me feel...

And now I'm getting insecure because she's so pretty, and I'm not. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm feeling. I wanna talk to her even more but I also think we should probably tone it down a bit.

Sigh.