u/azulsonador0309

New pastor starts next week and we are his 4th church in 5 years. He joined us at our council meeting last week to feel out the congregation. When we asked the magic question "why so many churches in so little time?" He told us that the DS likes him to grow churches. He told us he grew one church from 10 to 45 people in the year he was there. The question "how many of your original 10 were part of those 45 people" left him like a deer in headlights.

I don't want to be a snob and think that our current way to worship is the only way. I also don't want to write him off right away. But drums and guitars in a traditional church is off putting. Not listing the music or its lyrics on the bulletin because he decides on the fly what he wants his pianist to play and then everyone jumps in because they all know the music doesn't sit well either. Most of our members are not lifelong church goers, so they don't know a lot of the music by heart.

I know no transition is seamless, and I want to keep an open mind. But I have the serious ick.

Thoughts? Prayers? Advice? I'll take whatever you have.

All this "70s avant garde" and "black tie pastels" and "all shades of red" nonsense is just that, nonsense. Most of us know how to dress to a dress code or could easily look it up, but I'm not buying or renting an evening gown just because the one I have in my closet is navy blue and not lavender.

My ex and I have been divorced for 3 years and we have two children. We have 50/50 custody of our children, but he has disproportionately asked me if he could have the kids on my weekends without offering me his in return. I don't want to be petty or tit for tat or anything like that. If I don't have plans in place or he has a family event, I don't mind letting them go. But once in awhile has turned into almost all the time. When tell him no he can't have them, he will yell and cuss at me. He will text our kids and ask them to ask me if they can go over. When I tell the kids no, they text him back after they tell me I'm being unfair.

I expect kids to act like kids, so them testing my boundaries is normal.

But then today, my ex tells me "it's okay to say no. Yeah I'll bitch and complain and fight about it, but you can still say no."

I told him in response "that's not what being okay to say no means. It means that if I say no, the no is accepted and it doesn't turn into a fight. Like when I ask you twice a year if I can have them on one of your weekends to be able to take them on a longer vacation. When you tell me no, I just tell you okay and that's that. I don't rally the kids against you. I don't yell at you and then hang when you are mid sentence trying to defend your stance because there is nothing for you to defend."

He told me I was wrong because even if it turns into a fight, I'm allowed to say no and I just need to be tougher with him than he is with me. Then he called me a fucking asshole and hung up, lol.

So really, am I wrong?