u/baabaaaa_black_sheep

i risk forever for fleeting warmth
and i know they were never mine to keep
i cradle moments not meant to last
and mourn a future i was never promised

all while betraying the One
Who offers me peace beyond pain
yet still, i choose the ache

as if love can bloom where truth was never planted

i risk forever for fleeting warmth
and i know they were never mine to keep
i cradle moments not meant to last
and mourn a future i was never promised

all while betraying the One
Who offers me peace beyond pain
yet still, i choose the ache

as if love can bloom where truth was never planted

promise I’ll greet the morning sun,
then wake and decide

I’m already done.

Mama look.. l’ll find you at tomorrows shine and
then go meet the rising sky!

She struggles to tear her gaze away I watch and
go blue

No prob I’m running late to the function
just me spliffy and moon

Ah how nice some bliss-
wait..

Who’s that shady lad
peeking at me from behind that pale face?

Says ‘I’ll tell you what Miss psyche don’t,
nobodies to blame but y-‘
hey! who muzzled him?!

I drag him along my feet
He’s brazen in spite and teary eyed still I
stomp him off,
smear him on the pavement,
and say that he’s just..
a piece of shite.

he grew sardonic and took the chance to whip out
A mirror

Darkness is the absence of light.

I tell Big Brother who I am.

He says no

’you’re weak.
own it.

burn yourself to the ground..
if you can.’

he says ‘remember, you’re
just a decomposing body-
so make a choice

live and lay
practice being in the grave,

or haul it with you and
make a grand escape.’

the world will not wait for you
if you forget to commit.

I’m the youngest.

All my elders around me
haven’t put in the work to heal,
but delude me:

‘strength will ground you.’
so I reach my hands out- got turned down
I guess this isn’t some recipe to share.

they leave
the burden to the hollow

My mind
Its rooms are haunting.
Invasive.
Mama won’t you cuddle me to sleep
im only nine

teen

Why won’t you stay so I can talk your ear off?
do my tears disturb you?

Or vex you- don’t take offense

Fine.

I’ll bend to the customs-
wait!

I slipped.
the impact shatters bones

but only looking up has me petrified
all eyes are on me. mine get weary as
truth settles my marrow.

They looked on.

like I’m the new shadow.

S

promise I’ll greet the morning sun,
then wake and decide

I’m already done.

Mama look.. l’ll find you at tomorrows shine and
then go meet the rising sky!

She struggles to tear her gaze away I watch and
go blue

No prob I’m running late to the function
just me spliffy and moon

Ah how nice some bliss-
wait..

Who’s that shady lad
peeking at me from behind that pale face?

Says ‘I’ll tell you what Miss psyche don’t,
nobodies to blame but y-‘
hey! who muzzled him?!

I drag him along my feet
He’s brazen in spite and teary eyed still I
stomp him off,
smear him on the pavement,
and say that he’s just..
a piece of shite.

he grew sardonic and took the chance to whip out
A mirror

Darkness is the absence of light.

I tell Big Brother who I am.

He says no

’you’re weak.
own it.

burn yourself to the ground..
if you can.’

he says ‘remember, you’re
just a decomposing body-
so make a choice

live and lay
practice being in the grave,

or haul it with you and
make a grand escape.’

Pathetic I weap:
‘depression feels like a wet blanket.’

I hear
’It’s alright
It’ll pass- if you let it.

But the world will not wait for you
if you forget to commit.’

I’m the youngest.

All my elders around me
haven’t put in the work to heal,
but delude me:

‘strength will ground you.’
so I reach my hands out- got turned down
I guess this isn’t some recipe to share.

they leave
the burden to the hollow

My mind
Its rooms are haunting.
Invasive.
Mama won’t you cuddle me to sleep
im only nine

teen

Why won’t you stay so I can talk your ear off?
do my tears disturb you?

Or vex you- don’t take offense

Fine.

I’ll bend to the customs-
wait!

I slipped.
the impact shatters bones

but only looking up has me petrified
all eyes are on me. mine get weary as
truth settles my marrow.

They looked on.

like I’m the new shadow.

S

When grieving the darkness in night
ask your Lord a new clean page

let blankets embrace that weary soul
until the shadows flee from Suns taunting light

let Earth bear witness you tread it sincere and leave a true mark

stay to watch the sky wane and, how serene is
The rising of the Moon

Some days just never end

Daybreaks a sadistic sun that
steals sleep- the home of dreams

Clocks skeleton sifts to sand that
takes memory with its trickle through your hand

But steady is the waning sky
blue bleeds red as yellow sinks with
its taunting bliss

Stay
and watch fate keep its promise

Enduring,
rises the Moon.

-S

p.s. I’ve been obsessed with the song “rises the moon” by Liana Flores lately so this is inspired from it haha. Appreciate any thoughts.

Salam Alaykum. I (20F) found someone through a matchmaking app. We both accepted each others profile and we only get external contact info to move forward outside the app from there. The app gave him and my Walis each others number.

The thing is, we matched 2 weeks ago and there’s been silence since. Today, new matches dropped and ours is gone from the app, so there’s only contact info left if he saved it too.

Me and my parents agreed that he should be the one to reach out first to my dad. Although my mom’s the most firm about that, since she stopped my dad from doing it after the 1st week passed.

I keep hearing different perspectives on why it’s not good that he hasn’t touched base yet, or that it’s perfectly normal, he could be getting his affairs in order or looking for more matches because “what do you expect from people using an app”

My mom said that if he doesn’t reach out before the next matches, we’ll drop him and move on.

Honestly, I just got my foot in the door with looking for marriage and we’re all new to this since I’m the first (and youngest) sibling with potentials.

I get that you cant know someone from a profile they set up, but in terms of initial interest and seeing potential in moving to a serious talking stage, I really aligned with him and be both saw compatibility since it was a mutual match and we both never withdrew it the 2 weeks it was there.

But just thinking about how long it’s been, if that’s actually “too long”, if we should wait for him or reach out, if he’s looking for more matches and putting me in his “save for later” category- like I’m just starting to overthink about it all. I tried to look at the new matches and i really hope this doesn’t sound corny but ive been stuck on moving forward with him. never really thought abt waiting for more matches since we matched. Ugh idk. I just want a fresh perspective.

Anyone tried CBT? ADHD coach? What resources do you suggest I feel like I’m at my wits end with where I’m at and need change ASAP.

I feel like I’m doing more but useless things since I started meds. All nighters for no reason more frequent sometimes stretch to 48 hours even if I’m dead bum tired I just don’t want to go to sleep. Time blindness hyper fixation side tracking rejection sensitivity executive dysfunction. I’d don’t remember the last time I’ve been to class. I just want to live a life and pursue my goals I feel so deeply about I’m seriously tired of living this way and have been occasionally looking for other support but it’s all so expensive or I’m skeptical it’ll help.

I got a psychiatrist who’s muslim too and honestly besides medicine management I don’t think he gives two bums abt what I’m saying. Told him the most atrocious and debilitating piece of information? “How about antidepressants?” Hell no respectfully.
Told him 3 times no already like bro can you give me any other solution or resources? Just wanna dose me up. Today he was 13 min late to our 15 min virtual meeting (just check up to get med refill). I have 1 pill left and know I won’t be able to meet until 3 days but still got pissed and left and didn’t join when he called. I think my main concern is with a new psychiatrist, they might not sign off the same accommodations or medication that’s helping me but Allah knows best and I’m LEAVING this guy. Respectfully lol.

After 9 months of torture from tiltration process I finally found the meds that work for me but that doesn’t do jank without other action. I just go into cognitive dissonance because I find such a gap in where I am right now and where I aim to be. Alhamdulillah always it’s the qadr of Allah and my own test. I just wanna be consistent for once. I’ve been wanting to get married young for so long with good intentions but now that I matched with a potential I’m terrified that I’ll ruin their life or something.

I can’t stand myself sometimes because of how self aware I am before, during, or after an issue but it just overpowers me. Relapsing into old habits I work so hard to cut over and over. Nicotine is so hard to quit. I get so pissed how I have to go climb a hill at night to smoke a cigarette cause I’m a hijabi and feel like I’m defaming islam or would face the haram police eyes in my college city, when there’s brown guys casually able to go to their balconies and take a breath. I know it’s not good to smoke or in public, but damn. Seriously it’s only islam saving me.

I know this all is complaining but I’m very happy to be Muslim and to be grounded because I know I have an ultimate purpose and destination you know? This isn’t all for nothing, and especially when everyone is against me and doesn’t understand my ADHD and depression, Allah sees me and hears me. After trying 4 therapists/psychiatrists, 3 Muslims, it feels like they just don’t know anything like why does it feel like I’m educating THEM? Not to be arrogant but why is there such a knowledge gap over such a common disorder, and how it’s a spectrum too by the way. And it being a spectrum, it’s still rapidly misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed. Smh. Well for the first time I talked out loud with all my thoughts and complaints in the car to Allah on my hour drive home. I think that one session helped me more than all those $$$ spent lol. Will be having more of these sessions in sha Allah.