u/baboobo

I have spent 5 years telling myself I will leave once I graduate and get a good degree, get a job with good work life balance, and a salary that allows me to live comfortably. If I leave before that, I will work min wage jobs and take whatever pays better and fall into a random field I don't even enjoy, all while living near extreme poverty. I knew of someone who did just that and doesn't even have the chance to study something they enjoy because they are working overtime just to live. A life dedicated solely to survival is not any better than a pimo life. So I always thought waiting was the wisest decision all things considered.

But am I not just waiting to live? What even are the odds of me even accomplishing that ever? There's a lot of people that never get that degree and job they like and are always living paycheck to paycheck. Not that I want to be them but realizing my timeline I set might not even happen ever! I honestly think 5 yrs of living rent free wouldve be enough to do it but I didn't lock in... How would I feel if I get a terminal diagnosis tomorrow? Knowing that all I did was wait for the right time to start living?

I got too comfortable. My parents allowed me to not go to the meetings and cut all the bullshit with the only exception that I follow all JW rules under their roof. I felt that was reasonable and because I've always been a text book definition of a good kid, I never bothered lying to my parents and doing otherwise. I became a bit of a hermit and relaxed too much.

THIS PART IS STORY TELLING YOU DONT NEED TO READ Lately I've made it my goal to just be outside the house and I feel much better than bedrotting all day. Usually my parents will go with me to wherever I go (that's sounds crazy now that I wrote it down) but I never really cared tbh they'll even follow me to the gym or even if I want to chill at the park they will invite themselves and I never realized how crazy it is for them to follow me. I overhead my parents planning their work schedule so one of them is always available to go with me "so I'm not alone" and because I'm stupid and have no friends I just thought it was kinda sweet. So wherever I want to go I'll just take my parents. I only realized how weird it is when I wanted to go to a concert. My mom of course invited herself but I told her that I'm honestly not buying her a ticket and even if I wanted to spend $90 for her to go to an artist she's never heard of, the tickets are sold out already. So this was the first time in 5 yrs I wanted to do something my parents couldn't go to and they guilt tripped me and my mom was telling me she would drive me there and wait there until it was over. At the end I felt overwhelmed and didn't go to the concert and I cried the entire day... The next occasion was when I enrolled to an swimming class. They didn't want to commit and pay for the class and go 2x/week with me so they nagged and nagged and promised to go swimming with me during the summer as a replacement and I said fine, I AM LIKE THEIR PET after all. But the problem is they fucking didn't. It's funny to think that if they did go swim with me I probably wouldn't even care about leaving 😂😂🤦‍♀️. And here comes my first lie in 23 yrs; because my parents are fatasses, they only followed me to the gym the first couple times I started going and occasionally will check to see im actually at the gym but rarely. So gym is completely unsupervised time😮 I know shocker. So I've been telling them I'm at the gym when I'm actually swimming which is literally the same to me but they have a problem with the former. I arrive at home with my hair damp so they know and this is stressing them out and there's a lot of tension now. Honestly I realize the tension started when their pet wanted to go outside more often. Because I broke their trust to go swim now they are very suspicious of me even going to work :/ Of course because I am their pet I have confirmed my work schedule with them these 5 yrs so gym is really the only unsupervised time. I am an adult btw lmao. Notice how all I wanted was to go to a concert and swim? That's completely normal stuff. Why do I have to live a Rapunzel lifestyle not even normal JW kids do that. But the main reason why I want to leave is not even that related to jw anymore. If youve read all that you noticed I have become extremely codependent with my parents. And I can't speak up to them, I wish I could just ask them what's wrong with me trying to get out the house more. I'm not even gonna pull anyone??? Relax. But I can never speak up. Im actually surprised I lied for the first time in my life.

Tldr I feel I need to move out because I am becoming stunted living with my JW parents. I used to say it was unobtainable but I do have a job that's not too bad and is even giving me a free bachelor's online. I have a year of expenses worth in my savings and I could afford to rent a room and live paycheck to paycheck. (But with savings for emergencies) The only thing holding me back is fear and honestly that I don't know if having a stranger as a roommate is better than my overbearing parents. But I don't know if it's good to keep waiting to live. All I wanted was to swim

I went to a new dentist and she told me I need to get my filling replaced. (She did take an x ray of just that one filling) I usually get a second opinion and my family is urging me to because I just got the filling 2 years ago. But I want to pursue orthodontic treatment with this dentist because her office is literally 5 mins walking distance to my house! Extremely convenient. So it might be a waste of money (if she's wrong) but does it damage the teeth? I'm sure they need to file down my tooth more to replace it right :/

My job is offering me free bachelor's from ASU and I am done with most of the general ed classes for the degree. I am doing Biomedical Sciences bc I adore chemistry, physiology, microbiology, all the life sciences. And I had a loose plan of doing any post graduate degree that would get me in health care, I was even daydreaming of going to med school.

I sat down to concrete my plans and I just don't think it's feasible to go to med school tbh... Between school debt and the fact doctors work crazy hours, it seems like work has to be your life and I do not want that no matter how cool it sounds and how much I love physiology. And also, Ive got two B's and a C in a gen ed class bc I just didn't do the work..... The only way for med school to even be possible is if I get at the very least a 3.50 GPA. And I was thinking of applying to PA school too until I learned their debt is literally the same as doctors?!?!

And I'm thinking of changing my major, I was thinking electrical engineering. As opposed to Biomedical Sciences, I have no passion or interest in electrical engineering. I mean I guess I do wonder how electricity work sometimes lol. But it's a degree that is accredited in a field that seems somewhat stable and trains you for a job instead of life sciences. However, I think it would take me much much longer to complete. Like I can probably do engineering courses but I would have to really lock in and it would prob take me like 6 yrs to finish ngl.

So I guess the other option is accounting, but accounting sounds insanely boring. The job seems so repetitive and boring I think I would get depressed. But it's another degree that opens the door to actual jobs.

I wanted a job in healthcare bc I have already worked office jobs and fast food/retail jobs and I prefer the latter. Sitting on my ass and staring at a screen is so depressing. Id rather get yelled at and clean fast food bathrooms bc that is at least more stimulating to my brain. So that's why I had decided on healthcare and not something that would lead me to an office job.

Anyway, I do think the wisest decision with the opportunity of a free bachelor's is to change my life science major and go for either engineering or accounting. And after my bachelor's if I hate both those jobs and really did want to work in healthcare, I can probably pay out of pocket for a nursing associates degree. But I would at least have my free bachelor's already.

Idk, what would you guys do?