u/bananaramaworld

Hi!

I was obese since 2nd or 3rd grade. That was my whole life. I was the fat kid and most often the only fat kid if not one of two fat kids.

When I was a kid I was made to read the early 2000s fad diet books and magazines while my sister got to read normal young girl books.

I was always bullied for being fat and rejected romantically for being fat.

My whole goal in life was to not be fat. To show all the people who hurt me how beautiful I actually could be.

It was what I’d think about every day. It was my life’s dream.

I’ve now been a normal weight for a while. I feel like part of me I missing. Like my identity was being fat. I don’t know much about myself anymore I guess… I feel so weird because I’m like… what now? I don’t want to lose any more weight but I have this weird urge to change something about my appearance. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that my whole life was being fat and now I’m just… a normal body with no core person inside. If I’m not the fat girl who am I?

Did anyone else realize they made their whole identity being fat and now they lost a core part of who they were?

I’m trying to quit weed. I feel too dependent on it.

It helps me with sleep and calming down after work and it gives me something to look forward to at the end of the day. It also helped me save money because all food tasted good so I could get cheap stuff.

I also get bored so easily. With weed I don’t feel the need to go out as much and it saves me money because almost every activity outside of the house here costs money. My boredom is a big issue because it leads to me getting anxious and mad and doing impulsive things. Ideally I’d be able to stay home and not get bored and not spend money. That only happens with weed.

Last time I quit smoking my Seroquel started giving me brain tickles. If you haven’t experienced them and think it sounds silly just know they’d make me cry at night. Being tickled from the inside when your body is sedated and you can’t do anything about it is fucked up. I’d hit my head on stuff to avoid it sometimes but that didn’t work too much other than distracting me.

How am I gonna quit?! How did you guys quit long term and how did it help?