u/beebs2017

I am breastfeeding my baby and have an unexpected stay in crumlin tonight. Partner is bringing in clothes but do I need food, pillows etc? Are the rooms on a ward or private? Any other tips welcome

34F and have two children (3 years old and 8 month old). Always wanted to be a mother and sought out fertility treatment to make it happen. Have lots of nieces and nephews, so plenty of exposure to babies and children. I love babies and children. And I really adore mine.

Buuuuuut right from the beginning, I’ve rarely felt like a real mother. At times I feel like I’m performing motherhood? Or like I’m their big sister who loves them and does everything for them, but the actual feeling of ‘mother’ seems to be absent.

I’m just wondering, does anyone else feel the same?

For context, had a very traumatic birth with my first. But sought lots of different supports. And had a great experience with my second. For both kids I get a year maternity leave, and breastfed both/am breastfeeding. So lots of time and opportunities for bonding.

I feel quite ashamed about this so haven’t spoken to friends, but went I brought it up with siblings they didn’t relate, same for my partner.

Will it ever change or am I just missing something?

So for context, in a same sec relationship and our kids and future kids were conceived with fertility treatment. We’ve done IUI and IVF, one for each child. We want a third baby but don’t have lots of money so would likely cap it as x 3 IUI cycles.

So we are both turning 35 soon, and have 3.5 year old. They are great craic, loads of fun, very sweet and very bright, but also extremely active, demanding, stubborn and intense. The birth was v traumatic and emotionally and physically it took me a while to recover. We also have an 8 month old who so far is a dream (aware that can change at any time lol). I’m back to work in 4 months. The birth although not what I’d planned for, was very empowering and I recovered remarkably well. We want a third and part of me is like fuck it, well we try again at the year mark and potentially wind up returning to work pregnant (not something I ever saw myself doing but also who tf really cares). My siblings think I’m insane to consider having my second and third so close together. Whereas I love the idea of being finished with fertility treatment, and finished with pregnancies and recoveries. My last pregnancy was tough and it’s nothing something I can see myself managing at 37/38.

I know lots of people have their first and second close together, but have you any experience or know anyone who’s done their second and third close together, and what’s that been like.

I guess I’m like, either way we’re in the trenches with sleep, money and time to ourselves, should we try for a third and just muster the energy to get through it. Or is it better to wait a year or two and save more money etc etc.

Just to add, my partner is happy to go with whatever I choose.